Child does not make friends

Contributed by : Palak Vyas, Dr Ajab Primuswala   
Child does not make friends

A child is entitled to his/her choices of choosing friends and playmates.

When you say that your child is not able to make friends, it might just be your perception about the child. You might be overlooking the possibility that maybe the child is into playing alone. Another possibility could be that maybe the child is not being allowed to play what the (s)he wants hence the child takes resorts to self-play. Playing alone makes the child a priority for himself/herself.

  • If your child is unable to make friends; you first need to identify whether the child is not being able to make friends or whether (s)he is not being able to maintain friendships.
  • Not being able to make friends might be because your child is an introvert and that is fine. If your child has one or two good friends whom (s)he can trust, there is no need for a huge friend circle. It’s okay if the child does not want to be with his/her friends all the time because introverts need some alone time to recharge themselves.
  • If your child is not able to maintain his/her friendships, it might be because (s)he is not able to cope with the changes which come with friendships and is not able to prioritise others above self. In this case, you can help your child get adapted to the change and help them understand that friends are an important part of life just like family.
  • If you perceive that your child is an introvert, is it because (s)he is not making friends? If so, you cannot generalise that the child is an introvert.
  • An introvert child does not usually interact with the guests at home, the child does not speak to people when asked for, and the child is not able to talk about his needs. If you observe these in your child, then your child is an introvert.
  • Once you identify that your child is an introvert, you can motivate the child to interact more. Or you can simply not act on it as this is not a problem, just a way of being.
  • You can help your child adapt to basic life skills by encouraging them and praising them every time they try coming out of their comfort zones. For example, if the child asks for some help at the restaurant himself/herself, acknowledge that and praise them. Acknowledgement and praise for an introvert go a long way.

In a nutshell, we can only motivate our children to live a better life and if they are introverted or extroverted, it is up to us to accept and respect them for who and how they are instead of trying to change them as per our notions of perfect children. Love them unconditionally for being themselves and avoid forcing societal conditioning on them. Introvert or extrovert is just a state of being. It is not a problem.

Bee Suggestions

Talking about homeless people with your child

It becomes a little awkward to explain such things to your child.

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All humans are stubborn, more or less. That does not mean you cannot teach your child to put their foot down and patiently listen to what the other person has to say.

Dealing with Toddler Tantrums

A child is bound to throw a tantrum because who else if not the child. This does not mean the tantrums can not be tamed.

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A child will always stay true to his/her nature. Nonetheless, there is always room for changes and improvements.

Dealing with Thumb sucking habit

A regular habit or not, thumb sucking can cause problems in a child's speech.

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Being patient with child’s numerous questions.

When a toddler asks you a question, either it comes out of curiosity or it could be just attention seeking. Whatever is the case, it is always best to feed your child's curiosity and give them undivided attention.

Dealing with child's habit of lying

Children lie when they feel they actions will not be accepted by their parents. Assure your child that you will be there to support them when things go downhill.

Managing sibling insecurity

Every child needs full attention of a parent. So, pause and reflect on your parenting to make sure none of your children feel left out.

Teaching child to be a good listener

Children model their parents the most. Develop the listening skill yourself and then help the child to achieve the same.

Promoting child’s self esteem

Self esteem or self confidence plays a huge role in an individual's life. Encouraging a child's confidence at the right time can do wonders.

Dealing with a disobedient child

Before assuming that your child is a disobedient child, assess what according to you is disobedience.

Keeping a child in discipline

Discipline teaches your child how to behave and how not to behave in social and routine situations. It also lays the foundation for the kind of adult the child is going to be.

Finding out your child’s interests

Knowing the interest of your child will help you guide your child better.

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