Keeping your anger in control

Keeping your anger in control

It is impossible for a parent to not get angry with children during their parenting journey. Maintain your cool and things will get back to normal.

It is impossible for a parent to not get angry with children during their parenting journey. The out of sorts behaviour and tantrums of a child may lead to a parent getting angry hitting the child. But remember, hitting not only hurts the child physically but also emotionally. Hitting your child is not acceptable no matter the circumstances. Bringing a child into this world was your decision, not anyone else’s. Even if your child is at fault, you cannot hit your child. (S)he is not your guinea pig to take your aggression out on.

  • Whenever you hit a child, reflect on your actions and ask yourself, “Did I hit my child because of his/her wrongdoing or was it just my frustration and aggression that I took it out on him/her?”
  • If it was your aggression, you need to solve your issues because if once you have hit your child, it will soon turn into a habit.

Hitting makes a child stubborn and a rebel. The child will start developing negative emotions about the parent and this will ruin your long term relation with your child. Moreover, when you hit your child, the child learns that the only way to get our things done is through violence. Hence, they too will depict this behaviour in the future.

Same goes for aggressive language. The words spoken in haste and anger have a long lasting damage. Once in awhile, if you shout on your child for their mistakes, it is okay but you cannot do this every time. If you shout on them always, you will receive the dose of your behaviour from your child in future.

Parents sometimes hit children for the following reasons:

  • To temporarily control bad behaviour.
  • To teach discipline.
  • Venting out frustration of spouse or family members.
  • When a child misbehaves in public.

Parents feel guilty about the situation later and regret hitting the child. On the other hand, a child feels that (s)he is being treated in an unjust and unfair manner. This form of treatment can inculcate feelings of anger, humiliation, aggression, and fear. It may make the child feel very normal about physical violence.

This is how you can be a calm parent:

  • See if your breathing is normal. If not, try coming to the normal breathing pattern. Reflect, if you are reacting or responding to the situation. When you get under control, your kids will also calm down. Make a commitment and remind yourself to not vent out anger in haste.
  • Do not shout or raise your voice, if you speak calmly, you will feel calm and also receive calm response. Remember you are a role model for your child.
  • Move away from the child physically so that you are not tempted to touch or hit the child.
  • If your child is too young to be left alone, go to the kitchen and keep your hands under water.
  • Sit on a couch with your child and ask what made him/her misbehave in the situation, explain the impact and consequences of their actions.
  • Identify and avoid getting angry on routine habits like shoes in the living room, toys around the bed. Instead play a game to sort out these little things.
  • Have a glass of water.
  • Talk about the issue when both you and your child have calmed down.
  • Take your partner’s help.
  • If nothing helps, it might be good to talk to a counsellor.

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