Juhi Mishra

The school years (most importantly the preschool years) are the most important years in a child’s life. These years lay the foundation of an individual’s personality. The school years affect the learning style of an individual. It is very important for a child to be in school and around teachers who nurture the growth of the child and let the child BE. Following are the points which need to be considered while selecting a school for your child: <ol><li>Distance: The school should be close enough to the house so that the child does not have to spend more than half an hour travelling one way.</li><li>Age: The school should be following the correct age criteria for admission. Especially for preschools, the child should be 2+ for playgroup, 3+ for nursery, 4+ for Jr. KG, 5+ for Sr. KG and accordingly. By the time the child is 6+, s/he is ready to be in grade 1. It is not advisable for the parents to save 1 year while seeking admissions in the school. The child is ready to learn better if the age of the child is appropriate for that grade.</li><li>Child centric curriculum: Look for the curriculum, which should be child centric. The way the curriculum is imparted in the school. The school should be respectful towards the individuality of a child. Also, if the school works closely with the parents for the betterment of the child, it is an added advantage.</li><li>Fee and infrastructure: Though it is suggested to select a school that fits the budget, but it is also advisable to check if the fees being paid is utilised appropriately. It is better to ask these questions beforehand: If the fee is too low, are the teachers appointed not qualified enough? If the fee is too high, how is it being utilised? Is the school just focusing on building fancy infrastructure? Is the school focusing on teacher training and development programs? Is the basic infrastructure in place (toilets, learning resources, etc.)?</li><li>Teachers: The adults who would be in the child’s environment should be qualified enough to impart the knowledge.</li><li>No-judgement environment: It is better to talk with parents who are already sending their children to a particular school. This is to check if the children are judged as per the performance/ behaviour/ background of&nbsp;child. The children in their growing years do not need any kind of labels: brilliant, poor, intelligent, dumb, etc. Any label (good or bad) is not helpful in a child’ early years. One needs to be sure that children are not shouted at or physically assaulted in the school.</li><li>Safety: It is very important that the school takes care of the safety of a child. The staff should be reliable and their background has been checked, is of utmost priority. The place should be such that the opportunities to get hurt are less (though certain incidents are unavoidable). There should be CCTV cameras all around (except the toilet booths). But, it is also very important that parents are not given the access to live streaming of the cameras (as one never knows the intention with which any one may look at any child while going through the live streaming).</li><li>Interview for the child and the parents: If the school interviews the child (especially preschools) to check the level of the child or if the school interviews the parents (to see if they will be able to help the child at home), such a school should be avoided. The school should be confident enough to impart education in a way that all children are happy learning.</li><li>Cleanliness: It is very important that the environment in which the child is going to spend a lot of time is hygienic enough. The school should not be having breeding grounds for insects, dust coated furniture and fixtures, dirty toilets, smelly rooms, damaged doors and windows, etc. Cleanliness is of paramount as the place where the child is going to spend his/ her time should not affect the health of the child.</li></ol>

The school years (most importantly the preschool years) are the most important years in a child’s life. These years lay the foundation of an individual’s personality.

Preschool Selection

Helping your child to cope with moving anxiety:<ol><li>Prepare your kids by proper information beforehand.</li><li>Let them ask questions and answer patiently.</li><li>Answer them honestly and be prepared for a variety of reactions.</li><li>If the place you are moving to a new place, take your child there and let them explore the new place.</li><li>Encourage their opinions and participation. For example ask them which plants they would want in their new house.</li></ol> Helping your child cope with stress:1. Stop over scheduling their day:Limit your child’s activities as per his age. 2. Make sleep a Priority:See that your child has enough sleep, let there be quiet time in the afternoon where they can read, or listen to music, rest and relax. 3. Teach them how to listen to their body:Consider asking them questions about how they feel whenever you see their energies are going down. This way they also stay aware about his body. 4. Prepare your kids to deal with mistakes:You can prepare them by narrating your own experiences of how you made mistakes and how you deal with it, how you solved it or handled it calmly. They always model you. 5. Limit the use of technology:Set time limits for using phones or watching television or playing video games. Overuse of technology makes child irritating. 6. Schedule relaxing activities:You can also enrol your child for music, painting, sketching, swimming or yoga classes as per his choices and preferences. 7. Get help:Any time you feel that your child looks over-stressed and none of the things are helping, take expert advice and consult a counselor.

In times of stress, it is important to let your child know that you are there for them.

Helping a child cope with stress

Palak Vyas

Keep the following things in mind while inculcating the listening skill in your child: <ul><li>Be a good listener yourself:&nbsp;Avoid interrupting your child when (s)he is talking or saying something.</li><li>Try and give simple and easy instructions.</li><li>Whenever your child listens carefully, always praise them.</li><li>Teach them why it is important to be a good listener.</li><li>Model good communication skills.</li><li>Ask them to repeat what you said after they have heard you completely.</li><li>Read stories to them and let the child predict the ending.</li><li>Listen to audio stories as family time.</li><li>Play games like Simon says, add-on stories (where everybody adds their own sentences and the story moves forward), Copy cat (where you say funny rhyming words which the child has to repeat), and many such.</li><li>Listen patiently whenever they talk to you and teach them the same.</li><li>Help your child build vocabulary so they can convey easily and understand what is being said.</li><li>Always remember that young children have short attention span so never say multiple things at one go.</li></ul>

Children model their parents the most. Develop the listening skill yourself and then help the child to achieve the same.

Teaching child to be a good listener

Nyctophobia is when a child fears nighttime or darkness, this is one of the common childhood fears that progresses till adolescence. Fear of darkness or sleeping alone at night usually develops between 3 to 6 years (36 to 72 months) of age. At this age some of the common fears are:<ul><li>Monsters</li><li>Ghosts</li><li>Strange noises</li></ul> Causes:<ul><li>Looking at the anxiety or fear of a parent/caregiver could develop a phobia in a child.</li><li>Over protection by parents can also lead to anxiety when left alone or without parents (with other family members).</li><li>Late night negative experience, like an accident while travelling or injury can lead to anxiety and panic during long term.</li></ul> Physical symptoms:<ul><li>Sweating</li><li>Increased rate of heart beat</li><li>Trembling</li><li>Discomfort in speaking</li><li>Tightness in the chest</li><li>Shortness of breath</li><li>Upset stomach</li><li>Numbness</li><li>Feeling dizzy or fainting</li><li>Nausea</li></ul> Psychological symptoms:<ul><li>Feeling out of touch with reality or detached from your body</li><li>Fear of fainting</li><li>Fear of losing control</li><li>Fear of dying</li></ul> Diagnosis:<ul><li>A mental health expert can diagnose phobia; keep a regular track of your child’s behaviour/health in particular situations and with objects.</li><li>Phobia diagnosis is based on diagnostic guidelines and a thorough clinical interview. If you feel that your child has a phobia, take him/her to a healthcare expert. Your child's doctor will either ask you or your child about the symptoms. The doctor might also take a medical, psychiatric, and family history.</li><li>Your child's doctor might also use the diagnostic criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).</li></ul> Treatment:<ul><li>Exposure therapy: This treatment exposes children to their fears repeatedly until the thing they fear, such as being in the dark, no longer triggers the feelings of anxiety or panic.</li><li>Cognitive Behavioural therapy (CBT): This type of therapy helps children identify their feelings of anxiety and replace them with more positive or realistic thoughts with the help of a therapist. With nyctophobia, your child may be presented with information to show that being in the dark doesn’t necessarily lead to negative consequences.</li><li>Modelling: In this method the child sees other person facing the situation without fear and panic.</li><li>Virtual reality (VR): It's a treatment where your child will be exposed to computer simulations of dark places. Getting the experience of a dark place in the virtual world can help your child get over his/her fear in a setting that feels safe.</li><li>Medicines like tranquillisers and antidepressants (prescribed by a doctor) can be helpful along with the above treatments.</li></ul>

Nyctophobia is when a child fears nighttime or darkness.

Nyctophobia - Symptoms, Causes, Diagnosis, Treatment

A helicopter parent is a parent who pays extremely close attention to a child's or children's experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. Helicopter parents are so named because, like helicopters, they "hover overhead", overseeing every aspect of their child's life constantly. What does helicopter parenting look like? Helicopter parenting looks different at every stage in life. Whether it's standing over a teenager's shoulder as they do their homework or shadowing a younger child each time they ride their bike, helicopter parenting comes in many forms. Toddler<ul><li>trying to prevent every minor fall or avoiding risks</li><li>never allowing the child to play alone</li><li>Regularly Speak to school teacher/sir for performance and reports</li><li>not encouraging in developing and supporting their growth.</li></ul> Primary age&nbsp;<ul><li>speaking with school administrators to make sure the child has a specific teacher because they are perceived as the best</li><li>choosing a child's friends for them</li><li>enrolling them in activities without their input</li><li>completing homework and school projects for your child</li><li>refusing to let the child solve problems on their own</li></ul> Teen years and beyond<ul><li>not allowing your child to make age-appropriate choices</li><li>becoming overly involved in their academic work and extracurricular activities to shield them from failure or disappointment</li><li>contacting their college professor about poor grades</li><li>intervening in disagreements with their friends, co-workers, or employer</li></ul>&nbsp;Characteristics&nbsp;A helicopter parent is someone who is always hovering around his/her child – doing things that the child can do alone, taking care of problems the child can solve on his own and finishing the child's chores. It means micromanaging every aspect of your child's life and being over-involved in their lives, all in the name of love or care. <ol><li>Love –&nbsp;Love is the basic parental feeling that urges many helicopter parents. You love your child so much that you want to protect him or her from anything, even the tiniest bit negative and ensure they are kept out of harm's way. However, in that attempt, you end up giving excess attention to our child's life.</li><li>Need for control –&nbsp;Even if your child is growing older, you still tend to think of him or her as your baby and think you need to control every aspect of his or her life.</li><li>Information explosion –&nbsp;Like how you are doing now, these days, the Internet and other smart devices have no shortage of information on how to raise your child. You read too many of these articles that you want to make sure you get everything right every minute of every day for your child.</li><li>Anxiety –&nbsp;As a parent, if you are constantly anxious and second-guess every move you make, you tend to project these fears onto your child and get anxious about the child's safety and happiness as well.</li><li>Overcompensation –&nbsp;If you were not shown affection or love from your parents when you were a child, you tend to overcompensate for that loss and smother your kids with extra attention and care.</li><li>Changing World –&nbsp;The world is constantly changing and becoming more challenging and competitive. You get nervous about your child's future and think that without you every step of the way, they will never survive out there in the big, imperfect world.</li><li>Peer pressure –&nbsp;You see your friends and neighbours constantly fussing over their kids and feel the pressure to do so as well.</li></ol>&nbsp;Effects on ChildrenHelicopter parent can have adverse effects on both you and your child. Below are some of the effects of helicopter parenting: <ul><li>Lack of Physical fitness&nbsp;as the parent is overprotective</li><li>Frustration&nbsp;in a child due to over-involved in lives</li><li>Kids get lesser&nbsp;mental exercise Get spoil&nbsp;as a parent provide all facilities as per their demand</li><li>Have difficulty in social gathering due to a&nbsp;lack of social skills.</li><li>Dependent&nbsp;on parent&nbsp;</li><li>You end up having&nbsp;negative feelings&nbsp;all the time</li></ul> Pros of Helicopter ParentingIt seems that some people who have chosen to take part in this parenting style are happier than those who picked a different style. There are a few reasons why that could be the case. <ul><li>Happy environment -&nbsp;Helicopter parents are very strict, and they never let their children take part in things they do not know about. Perhaps they are happier simply because they always know where their children are, what they are doing, and who they are doing it with.</li><li>Reliable -&nbsp;Children who have really strict parents constantly pushing them to do their best usually grow up to become incredibly reliable.</li><li>Protection -&nbsp;Kids who always have their parents hovering over them seem to be less likely to get into any trouble when they are young. That is because their parents always seem to know what is going on as far as their kid goes.</li></ul> ﻿Cons of Helicopter ParentingParents who want to raise a confident child probably should not pick this style of parenting. These parents make their child feel bad about themselves if they are too critical, which is understandable. <ul><li>Self-confidence –&nbsp;Child is always dependent on their parents since childhood. This could make the child feel as though they will never be good enough. This kind of environment is not very likely to have much self-confidence.</li><li>Limited opportunities -&nbsp;It is often necessary for a child to fail and learn from their mistakes. Unfortunately, helicopter parenting limits children's ability to engage in this opportunity and control the child's opportunities.</li><li>Anxiety -&nbsp;The parenting technique can cause anxiety in a child. As parents were actively involved in their school work or created very structured environments during their youth, they were more likely to have depression and anxiety as adults and were less perseverant.</li></ul>

Helicopter parenting is often referred to as the over part in over-parenting. It involves excessive levels of involvement and control by parents in every aspect of their child's life constantly.

Helicopter Parenting

Samiksha Choithani

Air travel with kids can be challenging for parents of young children. But, remember they are exploring every time they experience a unique situation they are sure to react.Here are some tricks that can help you to keep your calm and happy during the travel:<ul><li>Some children, even adults experience pain in ears while take off if that is the case with your child give them a glass of warm water and guide them to sip it slowly this will help to reduce the pain. Keep talking to them and never insert ear buds in this situation.</li><li>You can also keep a surprise toy in the hand bag and give them a surprise, this will keep them busy throughout the transit.</li><li>Have some story books with you, read them a story or you can tell them stories about the place you are visiting, people you will meet etc.</li><li>If the child is on breast feed, give them proper just before the flight. If the child is hungry he/she is sure to get cranky due to delayed feedings.</li></ul>

Air travel with kids can be challenging for parents of young children. Be patient with them as they are always on the quest of exploring new things.

Travelling with a child in an airplane

Conversations revolving around the situations and scenarios of the world are always uncomfortable to address. Keep the following pointers in mind:<ul><li>Let your child raise questions and take this as an opportunity to teach empathy to your child.</li><li>Let them know it's sad to know that some people are homeless.</li><li>Depending upon their maturity, you can explain them or just answer in a sentence. Keep it as short as possible.</li><li>Tell them, “Some people do not have enough money for a house.”</li><li>If your child is very young, (s)he may be satisfied with this answer. Avoid giving extra information.</li><li>Teach them that there are certain things we cannot change completely but we can definitely do something to help others.</li><li>Encourage them to donate toys, books, food etc. to the needy people.</li><li>Tell them to be grateful for what all things they have in life and explain to them that if we have been gifted with goodness in life then it is our responsibility to help the underprivileged.</li><li>Inform your child about some government and non-government organisations, which are there to help and how you can also make your contributions.</li></ul>

It becomes a little awkward to explain such things to your child.

Talking about homeless people with your child

It is not very uncommon for mothers to feel depressed after childbirth. This is called 'Postpartum Depression' (PPD).Childbirth is often followed by a jumble of powerful emotions, from excitement and fear to anxiety and difficulty in making decisions. Most new mums experience “baby blues” which include mood swings, crying spells, anxiety, and difficulty sleeping. But some moms experience a more severe form of depression known as postpartum depression (PPD).&nbsp;While baby blues are short-term, postpartum depression can be long-lasting and can severely affect a woman’s ability to care for herself or for her family. Some of the common symptoms a woman experience during PPD may vary, and they can range from mild to severe:<ul><li>Feeling sad, empty, and hopeless</li><li>Excessive crying</li><li>Difficulty bonding with your partner or baby</li><li>Withdrawing from social life</li><li>Loss of appetite or eating too much</li><li>Not being able to take care of yourself or the baby</li><li>Inability to sleep (insomnia) or oversleeping</li><li>Having trouble concentrating or make decisions</li><li>Frequent headaches</li><li>Losing interest in activities you used to enjoy</li><li>Intense irritability and anger</li><li>Thoughts of harming your baby</li><li>Suicidal thoughts</li><li>Doubting that you're not a good mother</li><li>Feelings of guilt and worthlessness</li><li>Restlessness</li><li>Severe anxiety and panic attacks</li></ul> Reasons of PPD in women:<ul><li>physical changes of pregnancy</li><li>excessive worry about the baby and the responsibilities of being a parent</li><li>a complicated labour and childbirth</li><li>lack of family support</li><li>financial difficulties</li><li>loneliness, not having close friends and family around</li><li>a history of mental health problems</li><li>hormonal changes, due to a sudden and severe drop in oestrogen and progesterone levels following birth</li><li>changes to the sleep cycle</li></ul> Diagnosis:Your mental healthcare provider will ask you to fill up a depression-screening questionnaire to confirm whether you have depression or not. Following are a few ways which you can follow to take care of your stress and emotions:<ol><li>Work on building stronger bond between you and your partner. Understand her needs and desires and talk about your own too. Feel free to express in front of your partner or family or friends.</li><li>Develop a support team from your family. Ask for help. Say YES when they offer.</li><li>Take time for yourself. Have some “me-time” either watching TV, going for a movie or taking a short break from work and spending time doing things you like.</li><li>Talk to other families who have experienced the same.</li><li>Spend time with your baby to develop your own confidence.</li></ol> Treatment:<ul><li>Talk Therapy: PPD is a severe form of clinical depression. Your psychiatrist might suggest you to see a counsellor who will ask you questions about your life. It is important that you answer them honestly. These sessions will help you gain a different and healthier perspective about things. Therapy is different and personalised for everyone but these are a few topics which you might touch in your sessions: your feelings, your beliefs, your behaviour, your life pre and post birth. There are 2 types of talk therapy:</li></ul><ol><li>Cognitive Behavioural Therapy: You and your counselor work together to identify, then change, thoughts and behaviors that are harmful to your mental health.</li><li>Interpersonal therapy: Your therapist helps you better understand how you behave in your relationships and how to work through any problems.</li></ol> <ul><li>Medicine: Antidepressants are drugs designed to treat depression, including postpartum depression. They work on different chemicals in your brain.</li><li>Self-care: Get more sleep and exercise, eat healthy foods, do fun activities and relax. Doing these things can help to boost your mood.</li></ul>

A parent's mental health is of the top most priority when it comes to parenting. A healthy mental space leads to a happy and healthy bond between a parent and a child.

Postpartum Depression in Mothers

Before worrying about whether the child is sleeping enough or not, keep following things in mind:<ul><li>For a newborn baby, it sleeps 17 to 18 hours normally per day.</li><li>For a one year old baby, it sleeps for 10 to 12 hours per day.</li><li>As the baby grows older, the number of hours decrease. By the age of 6 years, your child should be sleeping for at least 9 to 10 hours in a day.</li><li>If a child stays happy, eats well and stays active all during the day, then whatever sleep the child takes is usually enough.</li></ul> Most infant babies sleep during the day and are awake at night and this could be irritating and exhausting. It is just a matter of time and your babies will settle with the routine.Some basic ways can help your baby enjoy sound sleep at night and keep them playful during the day:<ul><li>Keep your child awake for a little extra time than normal during each waking period, this will help to increase the urge to sleep later at night. Try to play with your baby after feeding and do not let them sleep.</li><li>A little bit of sunlight can help the child settle in the new schedule, get them out in sunlight during early morning (but keep them covered). If you cannot take the child out, keep the crib near the window and allow the baby to enjoy a bright and pleasant morning.</li><li>Avoid bright lights at night. Keep the lights low and ensure there is no noise around. Any movement can also disrupt a child’s sleep.</li><li>Swaddle and snug them; this makes them feel secure and comfortable to sleep.</li><li>Clear the clutter in the crib, keep toys, rattles and blankets away; ensure the crib is clean and clutter free. Baby’s movement should not result in any noise.</li></ul>

It is better to not assume otherwise about your child's sleep before understanding about the ideal sleep hours.

baby wipes parenting concerns

Parenting issues are a part of the everyday parenting journey. Following article(s) might help you with your concern(s).