Samiksha Choithani

Dr Chintan Solanki

This kind of behaviour suggests the possibility of some imitation from the environments either inside or outside of the home. If someone in the family is acting in the same way, the child learns from them and imitates the same behaviour. In this particular situation, family therapy is required. It is possible that the child has learnt such behaviour outside the home from his/her peers or other persons. In this case, the child should be taught and counselled about proper behaviour and discipline. If you cannot do the same at home, you can take the help of a psychologist.If you feel that this behaviour has no explainable reasons, it might be due to some kind of a psychiatric disorder. It can be depression, bipolar disorder, or disruptive mood dysregulation disorder. In this case, where you cannot identify the reasons yourself, it is better to consult a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist at the earliest. If you are able to find the reasons behind this behaviour, this is what you can do: <ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Prevent it before it’s too late, if you can predict your child’s behaviour and you are around try to be close to your child. Remember hitting comes out of fear, if you are around the child feels empowered to handle the situation and may not lash out. Also, since you are there to monitor keep them away from other children if the situation triggers. Hug the little one and calm him/her.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">If the child who is hit is without his/her parents around hug him/her before talking to your child. This will also give you some time to calm down, after handling the child who is hit talk to your child to apologise (you too can join him/her to apologise).</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Instead of playing blame game and saying “you are bad as you have hurt your friend”, rather say “your friend is hurt, hitting hurts and pains”. Blaming the child may create a negative impact on child’s mind and the problem may not get resolved.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Even lecturing will not work; avoid the urge to give a lecture to the child in such situations. The child knows that hitting is not okay; it’s just that he/she couldn’t control the feelings, try to make the child feel safe. You can explain the child later during the sleep time on bed. This will have a lasting impact and may result into a positive behaviour.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Stay compassionate so that the child can cry or vent out the feelings. The child feels overwhelmed and venting out helps a lot.</li></ul>

Even your child is aware that hitting is not the right thing. You just need to pin point the problem and solve it.

Dealing with Violent Behaviour among Children

Stammering or stuttering is common among children who are learning to speak or form sentences. It usually stays up to 3 years of age. It rarely persists till adulthood. Sometimes, stammering only persists while speaking in front of a group or talking to strangers or talking on the telephone, but singing or reading can reduce stuttering. Stress can sometimes make it worse. These are some tips for parents to help a stammering child:<ul><li>Try to speak slowly, encourage people around the child to also do the same.</li><li>Maintain calm and quiet atmosphere at home.</li><li>Never show impatience or irritation when the child is speaking to you, try to pay attention on what the child is saying.</li><li>Try to avoid interruption and questions when the child is speaking.</li><li>Make sure you spend some alone time with your child every day, try to have one-to-one discussion with a proper eye contact.</li></ul> If your child’s stammering habit stays for more than 6 months, it is time to take action and meet the speech therapist immediately as it may last longer. Parents can have a huge impact on curing the stammering problem with speech among children. The child can feel comfortable and recover it easily if he/she is heard, parents can patiently help the child.

The problem of stammering bothers parents a lot. The problem of stammering can be improved upon by following a few tips.

Treating a stammering child

Juhi Mishra

It common for parents to wonder about which schooling system to got for their children. Following are some of the major differences between the two to help you decide which one to go for: <ul><li>Academic Environment</li></ul>In a regular school, children are exposed to an environment which is majorly controlled by the school.Homeschooling gives an opportunity to control the learning environment by minimising distractions. <ul><li>Individualised attention</li></ul>In a regular school, one teacher is there to attend to 20-30 students at one time.In a homeschool set-up there is an opportunity of one-on-one lessons. <ul><li>Curriculum</li></ul>In a regular school, the curriculum is pre-set.In a homeschool set-up, the curriculum may be designed as per the requirement of the child. <ul><li>Health and Safety</li></ul>In a regular school set up, the children are exposed to various kinds of germs and illnesses. Also the safety is a concern as the parents are unable to be around in such a set-up.Children in a homeschool set-up are saved from direct contact to diseases and germs. Also the safety of the child is under the parents’ control. <ul><li>Social aspect</li></ul>In a regular school, children get to meet, connect and socialise with children of their age.In a homeschool set-up, the children may miss out on the socialisation component, if they are not made to mingle in group activities on a regular basis. <ul><li>Travel</li></ul>In a regular school, there may be very limited opportunities for the children to travel and learn.Homeschool families may opt to travel together as a part of their education. <ul><li>Mastery vs. grades</li></ul>While in a regular school, grades may seem to be more important than the learning of a concept, hence, leading to mugging up of the content taught.In a home school set-up, mastery is given more importance hence leading to life-long learning. <ul><li>Religion</li></ul>Religion may not be the focus of teaching and learning in a regular school.Families may decide to take up religious studies as a part of their daily routine and also discuss science, literature and current happenings in the light of their religious beliefs in a homeschool set-up.

Conventional or regular schooling is when children go to an authorised school with other children to study as per the school norms and curriculum. While homeschooling is when the child is educated in the comfort of his/ her house.

Homeschooling vs Conventional Schooling

Palak Vyas

Dr Ajab Primuswala

Friendship is one of the pillars of living a happy life. If your child is not able to make friends in general, it might be because (s)he is an introvert. But if your child is choosy about the gender of his/her friends, it is a different issue altogether. <ul><li>Parents also have an influence on children when it comes to making friends of the opposite gender. A lot of times parents pass comments like “You are a boy, why are you playing with girls?” and vice versa. Hence, consciously or unconsciously parents are responsible for developing gender bias in their tiny minds.</li><li>Be open-minded and let them be free.</li><li>Let them explore the possibilities and consequences rather than you imposing your learning on them.</li><li>Do not constrain their thinking and let them choose their friends on their own.</li><li>Avoid passing comments like “blue is the colour of boys and pink of girls” or “girls cry a lot but boys do not”. Such statements unconsciously make children bend towards their own gender.</li><li>Without your constant inputs, gradually they will learn to make friends of both the genders.</li><li>Friendship is about understanding and comfort. Everyone has a natural tendency to be comfortable around men, women, or both. So for the child also it's the same.</li></ul> Unless you or the society doesn’t put this gender bias in their head, they treat everyone (either a girl or a boy) as equal.

A child's thought process is majorly influenced by the people around him/her.

Child does not make opposite gender friends

Dr Aliraza Khunt

<ul><li>Normally babies stop wetting beds when they are 2 or 2.5 years old. And if any child is wetting beds even after 2.5 years, the parent can wait till 5 years.</li><li>If bed wetting continues after 5 years, then in the beginning, the doctor will usually give them behavioural treatment and by following that most of the problems get solved.</li><li>But if the child continues to urinate in bed at 6 or 7 years also, then the parent should consult a specialist and do as per doctor’s advice.</li><li>If the family has a history of such a condition, there are more chances for the child to have this problem.</li></ul> As per the behavioural treatment given by the doctor:1. The child should not be given any fluids or liquids after 6 PM including sweet drinks, water, lassi, soda, buttermilk, milk etc.2. The child should be asked to urinate just before bed and even after sleeping, the parent is supposed to take the child to the toilet after 1- 2 hours. <ul><li>Urinating in bed is a combination of both physiological and psychological issue.</li><li>Child should be made mentally strong by counselling and talking to them. They should be asked to wash their undergarments or bed-sheets which they had spoilt. By doing this, they will feel conscious and stay aware about it.</li><li>You can appreciate your child by putting star-marks in the calendar for the nights (s)he didn’t wet the bed. The child can be asked to use the affirmations like “I won’t urinate in bed tonight” for 20 times.</li><li>If the problem continues even after these efforts, the doctors might suggest an alternative treatment.</li></ul>

Urinating in bed can be avoided by not giving fluids before bed but sometimes it has underlying psychological reasons as well.

Urination in bed

Waking up early is always a task but rather than making it a happy start we tend to begin with tantrums and add to the drama by yelling or pouring cold drops of water to pull the little ones out of the bed. Here are some of the ways that will help you to make a beautiful &amp; happy start in the morning:<ol><li>Identify the problem. If the child is not getting enough sleep at night this could be disturbing. Make sure the child gets at least 10 hours of sleep to begin with a happy morning and an active routine.</li><li>Instead of shouting let’s start with some music. Have a routine morning music, put it on for the entire family and let it be your sweet alarm. You can play favourite rhymes or audio books for the little one.</li><li>Take time to snuggle and hug the little one, hug them in bed instead of pulling them out, these little moments will have a lasting impact to set the morning routine.</li><li>Put your efforts in making your child sleep early rather than putting those efforts in waking them up.</li><li>Dim the lights, begin with bed time story and most importantly keep the phones and devices away from the bed.</li></ol>

Waking up early is always a task but rather than making it a happy start we tend to begin with tantrums.

Waking child up peacefully for school

Following measures can help you have a cosy and comfy car ride with your child: <ol><li>Choose a good quality comfortable and safe car seat for your child.</li><li>Ensure the baby is comfortable in his/her clothes. It should neither be too hot nor too cold for the baby. See that the baby has a fresh diaper and (s)he is comfortable in it.</li><li>You can play good music like relaxation music/rhymes/ lullabies, anything that your child prefers. Take his toy basket or just few toys along. This will keep your baby happily engaged for some time.</li><li>Keep his/her pacifiers handy.</li><li>If the child is in the back seat one of the persons can go there and play with the child.</li><li>Hand a toy to your child when (s)he seems to cry. That will pacify him/her for some time.</li><li>You should try and select a time where it is actually baby’s sleep timing so the child sleeps in the car and is well rested when it’s time to play.</li><li>Let there be some swinging toys. Babies love watching it.</li><li>You can also take a photo album or picture books along to keep them engaged.</li><li>Ensure there is enough food and water plus there is fresh air to breathe so keep the window slightly rolled down for air.</li></ol> Note: It’s more difficult to travel by car with a baby than by bus or train as cars don’t allow much movement. A child tends to get crankier in a car because of this. So it is better to travel by bus/train whenever possible.

Car travelling is the trickiest of all with a child. It is better to travel by car when the distances are short.

Travelling with a child in car

There can be multiple reasons behind a child not playing alone: <ol><li>The child is scared to be alone, which means (s)he doesn’t feel safe alone. (S)he is looking for a company to feel safe.</li><li>The child is seeking attention and hence wants someone to be with him/her all the time.</li><li>The child is extrovert. If your child is an extrovert, (s)he needs to be vocal and express himself/herself. (S)he will need someone to be around to share his or her views and opinions.</li><li>If your child is someone who constantly needs appreciation,&nbsp;&nbsp;(s)he feels the need to be appreciated either by elders, peers or friends and so he doesn’t want to be alone.</li><li>One of the major reasons that a child cannot play alone is low self esteem. Sometimes the child is not able to trust themselves so they seek company for every aspect, to go to school, to study and even to play.</li></ol> As a parent, you can help this situation by: <ul><li>The first thing is to understand that it is okay to allow them to play with peers or any other company. When you want your child to get accustomed to playing alone, give him/her verbal motivation like “It is okay to play alone”. “You can try making art work or craft work. Tell him/her that “I am watching over you.” “I am always around if you need anything.” “You can do this.”</li><li>These motivation will help them overcome their loneliness and give them confidence to be with themselves.</li><li>You can give them logo toys from which they can create something out of their imagination and then flaunt it later. This way they can see appreciation coming and they will be motivated to play alone often.</li><li>But also know that if the child is not okay being alone, it is fair enough to allow him to have his or her friends, peers, or guided elders around.</li></ul>

If a child is not playing alone, it does not mean (s)he is an introvert child, there can be other reasons as well.

Child does not play alone

Busy schedules and responsibilities often keep us tired. Sometimes as a parent we don’t realise if the child is being neglected. It is not just about attention; a child can feel neglected in different ways:<ol><li>Physical neglect: neglecting basic physical needs of a child like hygiene, clothing, combing or food and nutrition.</li><li>Medical neglect: neglecting medication or delay in treatment of basic illness like common cough and cold.</li><li>Emotional neglect: child being exposed to domestic violence or feels deprived of affection and love from parents.</li><li>Educational neglect: failing to visit child’s school during meetings, allowing child to skip school or ignoring special needs of a child.</li></ol> A parent's neglect can stay with a child for life and the child then forever looks for validation outside the house. Before it gets to your child needing therapy for neglect, this is how you can ensure that your child does not feel neglected:<ol><li>Be present with them with your body and mind, whenever they need it. Express love and affection for the child, it may be in any form but make sure that the child feels and acknowledges your love for them.</li><li>Talk to them often, their innocent talks may not make any sense to you, but never neglect them. Talk to the little ones and understand what they are trying to say, this will make them feel confident.</li><li>You don’t have to make any extra efforts; just spend quality time with them by playing blocks, puzzles or reading stories to them.</li><li>Eat with them, feed them sometimes. Dinner time is the best time to discuss about the day and&nbsp;bond with each other.</li><li>Plan outings once in a while, attend their school meetings, be present at their school functions.</li><li>Teach them to love themselves and who they are, let them know about their capabilities and they will surely work better on it.</li></ol>

Neglect is most of the times unintentional. So keep a check on yourself and also on your child to make sure your child is not getting sidelined because of your other responsibilities.

behaviour concerns parenting concerns

Parenting issues are a part of the everyday parenting journey. Following article(s) might help you with your concern(s).