When a toddler asks you a question, either it comes out of curiosity or it could be just attention seeking. Figure out if your child needs your undivided attention. If yes, please give proper attention. In the times of social media and technology all around, a child misses that personal time with parents and so (s)he might be asking questions in an attempt that you pay attention to them.But Sometimes it is just curiosity. For a few initial years, a&nbsp;child comes across so many things that (s)he hasn’t seen or heard about. So, (s)he will have a few questions almost everyday. It is always best&nbsp;to satisfy their curiosity and never shush them. The problem arises when they ask too many questions which ultimately annoys parents to a limit that they lose patience. How do deal with this:<ul><li>Acknowledge their questions and postpone it&nbsp;until a more convenient&nbsp;time. For example your child doesn’t eat spinach and asks you why should he eat, you can say, “I understand you don’t like it but let’s talk about its value after dinner. You have it now and i will tell you how it has benefited you, when we talk”. You need to answer them later without fail on due time.</li><li>Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know.” Sometimes parents get exhausted trying to come up with answers to all the questions a child has, particularly when they don’t know anything about that field. In such cases, tell them, “That is a great question. I don't know exactly about it right now but we can find out later this night or on the weekend. Whenever you postpone, be specific about the timings and discuss about it. Stick to your own words.</li><li>How about asking them questions instead of getting angry and shooing them away.For example, when the child asks why should (s)he be eating spinach. Ask him what does (s)he think will happen if (s)he does not eat it. If your child asks why can’t (s)he have ice cream when he is suffering from cold, ask him what does (s)he think would happen if (s)he eats.</li><li>Keep cool when you say that. Be ready and patient to listen to their answers.</li><li>You can also make a list of questions or ask them to do so on a sheet of paper, notebook or on stick pad on fridge. Fix a convenient time in a week and solve their queries.</li><li>All these things can take a lot of time. But by doing this you are encouraging their curiosity. In case if you have 20 questions at the end of the week, ask your child to select 10 first. Like this you will know about their thought process and ideas too.</li></ul>

When a toddler asks you a question, either it comes out of curiosity or it could be just attention seeking. Whatever is the case, it is always best to feed your child's curiosity and give them undivided attention.

Being patient with child’s numerous questions.

This kind of behaviour suggests the possibility of some imitation from the environments either inside or outside of the home. If someone in the family is acting in the same way, the child learns from them and imitates the same behaviour. In this particular situation, family therapy is required. It is possible that the child has learnt such behaviour outside the home from his/her peers or other persons. In this case, the child should be taught and counselled about proper behaviour and discipline. If you cannot do the same at home, you can take the help of a psychologist.If you feel that this behaviour has no explainable reasons, it might be due to some kind of a psychiatric disorder. It can be depression, bipolar disorder, or disruptive mood dysregulation disorder. In this case, where you cannot identify the reasons yourself, it is better to consult a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist at the earliest. If you are able to find the reasons behind this behaviour, this is what you can do: <ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Prevent it before it’s too late, if you can predict your child’s behaviour and you are around try to be close to your child. Remember hitting comes out of fear, if you are around the child feels empowered to handle the situation and may not lash out. Also, since you are there to monitor keep them away from other children if the situation triggers. Hug the little one and calm him/her.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">If the child who is hit is without his/her parents around hug him/her before talking to your child. This will also give you some time to calm down, after handling the child who is hit talk to your child to apologise (you too can join him/her to apologise).</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Instead of playing blame game and saying “you are bad as you have hurt your friend”, rather say “your friend is hurt, hitting hurts and pains”. Blaming the child may create a negative impact on child’s mind and the problem may not get resolved.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Even lecturing will not work; avoid the urge to give a lecture to the child in such situations. The child knows that hitting is not okay; it’s just that he/she couldn’t control the feelings, try to make the child feel safe. You can explain the child later during the sleep time on bed. This will have a lasting impact and may result into a positive behaviour.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Stay compassionate so that the child can cry or vent out the feelings. The child feels overwhelmed and venting out helps a lot.</li></ul>

Even your child is aware that hitting is not the right thing. You just need to pin point the problem and solve it.

Dealing with Violent Behaviour among Children

Samiksha Choithani

Thumb sucking is normal among children under the age group of 2-4 years. It is comfortable and soothing for children. But, the habit can create a problem in jaws and affect a child’s speech. Here is how you can stop the habit of Thumb sucking: a) Begin with bed time, try to limit the time that your child sucks thumb on bed. If the child sucks for few hours try to reduce it to an hour or few minutes.b) Do not get angry and point every time the child sucks thumb, instead praise the child when (s)he is not sucking the thumbc) Identify the cause, If your child sucks thumb when in stress, identify the real issue and provide comfort in other ways — such as giving a comforting hug or positive wordsd) Do note scold or criticise or compare your child’s habits with other children instead just give gentle reminders.For some children it is too difficult to give up, do not worry about it.Too much pressure on child can delay the process.&nbsp;

A regular habit or not, thumb sucking can cause problems in a child's speech.

Dealing with Thumb sucking habit

Dr Ajab Primuswala

<ul><li>Stealing is something which a child does out of curiosity.</li><li>May be the child is picking up just simple things like stationery which is very attractive to them. They don’t know what stealing is but if they like something, they pick it up and keep it for themselves. They don’t understand that the particular thing is not possessed by them so they cannot take it home.</li><li>If you find some unknown objects in their bag, just simply go and ask them about where did they get it from. If they say it was one of their classmates’ or if they start giving any explanations, make them sit and talk to them in a very calm manner.</li><li>Do not get aggressive and scold them. Instead tell them, “It does not belong to you. If it does not belong to you, you cannot bring it home. If you need anything of this sort, you come home and ask us, we will get it for you. Don’t make it a habit of picking up things from wherever you like.”</li><li>Stealing is a concept which we understand. As a young child, they don’t understand this; it is just a simple behaviour where they feel, they just liked something and took it away. They do not understand the concept that this doesn’t belong to me or how can I take when it is somebody else’s thing. Be verbal, make them understand and explain to them what stealing is and what are the consequences of stealing.</li><li>For example, explain to them that if they continue with stealing as a habit even after growing up, they might end up in jail.</li><li>This is just making them learn about what exactly they are doing is not a behaviour which is socially acceptable and is considered to be wrong.</li><li>Don’t start getting aggressive on them without explaining. If it becomes a continuous behaviour even after explaining, then you need to get it checked that what pleasure they are getting out of this habit.</li><li>Keep a check on your child if this turns out to be a continuous habit. Make them understand that they will have to face consequences because of this. Do not tell them that they will be punished but for example, if the child has picked up something from someone, make it a point that they go to that person, return the thing in their hand the next day and apologise for the same.</li><li>This will make them realise that this is something they cannot do however hard they like it.</li><li>Children learn what is appropriate and what is not through proper guidance. If any action or behaviour is appropriate, (s)he will be appreciated and would be found guilty for inappropriate action.</li></ul>

Children do not understand the concept of "stealing" so instead of dealing with this situation using your anger, it is better to sit with your child and make him/her understand why they should not be doing this.

Dealing with child's habit of stealing things

When you say that your child is not able to make friends, it might just be your perception about the child. You might be overlooking the possibility that maybe the child is into playing alone. Another possibility could be that maybe the child is not being allowed to play what the (s)he wants hence the child takes resorts to self-play. Playing alone makes the child a priority for himself/herself. <ul><li>If your child is unable to make friends; you first need to identify whether the child is not being able to make friends or whether (s)he is not being able to maintain friendships.</li><li>Not being able to make friends might be because your child is an introvert and that is fine. If your child has one or two good friends whom (s)he can trust, there is no need for a huge friend circle. It’s okay if the child does not want to be with his/her friends all the time because introverts need some alone time to recharge themselves.</li><li>If your child is not able to maintain his/her friendships, it might be because (s)he is not able to cope with the changes which come with friendships and is not able to prioritise others above self. In this case, you can help your child get adapted to the change and help them understand that friends are an important part of life just like family.</li><li>If you perceive that your child is an introvert, is it because (s)he is not making friends? If so, you cannot generalise that the child is an introvert.</li><li>An introvert child does not usually interact with the guests at home, the child does not speak to people when asked for, and the child is not able to talk about his needs. If you observe these in your child, then your child is an introvert.</li><li>Once you identify that your child is an introvert, you can motivate the child to interact more. Or you can simply not act on it as this is not a problem, just a way of being.</li><li>You can help your child adapt to basic life skills by encouraging them and praising them every time they try coming out of their comfort zones. For example, if the child asks for some help at the restaurant himself/herself, acknowledge that and praise them. Acknowledgement and praise for an introvert go a long way.</li></ul> In a nutshell, we can only motivate our children to live a better life and if they are introverted or extroverted, it is up to us to accept and respect them for who and how they are instead of trying to change them as per our notions of perfect children. Love them unconditionally for being themselves and avoid forcing societal conditioning on them. Introvert or extrovert is just a state of being. It is not a problem.

A child is entitled to his/her choices of choosing friends and playmates.

Child does not make friends

Children get cranky for many reasons. However, neglecting the cranky behaviour of a child is clearly not a solution. It is important to identify the cause and find a solution for it.If your child is a toddler the reasons can be:<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Change of usual schedule.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Upset stomach</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Pain in some part of the body</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Suffering from cold or flu</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Sleep deprived</li></ul>You may try some home remedies like having simple food for few days, give your child a long night sleep or you can put some nilgiri oil drops in the hanky and place it near the child. Rest and food can help your toddler overcome this behaviour.If your child is an infant the reasons can be:<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Hunger</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Fatigue</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Messy Diaper</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Rashes</li></ul>To make your child calm, check the diaper regularly, try and feed the child more often. If the mother is breastfeeding the child, she should avoid spicy food for a few days or any food that can create stomach problems in infants. Additionally, keep a regular check on rashes on neck and thighs. Give proper amount of sleep to your child.

It's normal for kids to get cranky but as a parent do not lose the cool.

Why is my baby so cranky/fussy?

Every child needs full attention of a parent. While you are busy with the younger one, your elder child will experience a range of emotions, from excitement to jealousy or may be responsible and caring. In order to seek your attention, the elder child may show more tantrums or misbehave or refuse to eat. These emotions are short-lived but if not addressed well can have lasting impact on a child’s mind. Here are a few ways to make sure that your elder child does not feel neglected:<ul><li>Let them not feel left out: Take an extra care to ensure that the elder child never feels neglected (unintentionally though). Ask their suggestions for picking up clothes for newborn, choosing the toys for little one and more. Make sure you spend equal time with both the kids</li><li>Avoid giving excuses: Never make the younger one an excuse for not attending the elder child – “we can’t go to the park/playground as the baby is sleeping” “Keep quiet the baby will wake up” “After I attend the baby, I will listen to you” Instead tell him/her , “ We will play together when the baby wakes up, We will go to the park together May be giving a hope and the feeling of togetherness will help the child.</li><li>Pay more attention: Express extra care and love for elder one, increase your daily hugs and play some games or increase story time for the elder one.</li><li>Avoid comparing: This comes unintentionally but it can have a strategic impact on a child’s mind. Little things like who crawled first, child’s weight or who walked first can be taken as criticism by the elder one.</li></ul> Ensure both the children get equal attention and feel loved.

Every child needs full attention of a parent. So, pause and reflect on your parenting to make sure none of your children feel left out.

Managing sibling insecurity

It is a very common human stratum that we always have rivalry with our siblings. This happens in every family. But with certain families, it becomes very strong and gets difficult to handle. Sibling rivalry can be as simple as- siblings who are not ready to share things or can be extreme like - physical or verbal abuse and cooking up stories so that the other one gets the scolding or punishment. Common factors of sibling rivalry are: <ul><li>Age difference: It is very common to have sibling rivalry when the age difference is very less. So it's both ways , they like each other’s company, want to play together and still can’t play as they have the same levels of maturity and same kind of issues. If one of the siblings is quite older than the other, there’s less communication, their schedules are different and so in short when interaction is less, there are less issues and their maturity and understanding is also different. The elder one can handle things maturely. When there is a non-violent sibling rivalry between your kids, you can avoid them by saying, “This issue is between the two of you so please take care of it on your own, I am sure you both will resolve it beautifully.” You can escape this scene by making them responsible and showing your trust in their skills to resolve issues among them.</li></ul> <ul><li>Gender of your children: Well, It is observed that children of same gender have more common issues to fight with each other. Though they can grow as close siblings in later stage but in the initial years, it can get difficult to resolve their sibling rivalry because there is direct competition and comparison between them. On the other hand, a brother and a sister of the same age generally get along well. It is important to note that when it comes to sibling rivalry, there is no guarantee as to whether the siblings will fight or not. It depends on individual bonding between siblings.</li></ul> <ul><li>As a parent, if you are paying more attention towards one and neglecting the other or if one or both of the children has this feeling then this can brew into a sibling rivalry. You have to verbalise and assure them that you love and care equally for both of them in the same manner but depending on their individual needs your priorities might change. You should be aware and should keep in mind to take care of all your children’s needs and requirements one by one.</li></ul> Talking about the solutions: <ul><li>The first thing you can do while your kids are fighting over something is walk away, when it is not so serious or dangerous. Tell them: “It’s your matter, you handle”. In case if it gets severe and is happening frequently, you can ask them to maintain a diary about the issues. Decide the day to read the diary and solve it out.</li></ul> <ul><li>If you ask them to write it down, they are going to avoid such stories or situations where they will require you to come and solve it.</li></ul> <ul><li>This is a strong perspective where you are not avoiding them, instead giving them importance and proving a point that you have many other things that need to be taken care of.</li></ul> <ul><li>Sibling rivalry can be very dangerous if it continues till the later stages of life. Siblings can be either the most supportive or the most opposing depending on the kind of bonding they have had over the years. We, as parents, at times give rise to sibling rivalry by comparing our children with each other. So the key to not develop sibling rivalry is to stop comparing. Tell them whatever you want to, without giving each other’s examples. This can be more productive and progressive way of dealing with sibling rivalry.</li></ul>

Sibling rivalry is an age-old problem and get can be addressed easily if done at the right time.

Sibling rivalry

Intolerance means the child is not able to share his/her space and get comfortable with other kids. You can try the following to improve the situation:<ul><li>Tell your child that you love them and just like you care for them, others will care for them too if they allow others in their space.</li><li>Keep a track of whether your child is being rude or abusive when their friends visit him/her or whether your child just walks away when friends visit. If your child is being rude or abusive, it is not acceptable. Tell them that being rude will have consequences.</li><li>But if they are just walking away, make your child greet and talk to their friend(s) and then walk away politely rather than walking away in an aggressive manner.</li><li>Intolerance may have psychological reasons as well. It may be because your child has trust issues due to a past experience or something else.</li><li>Observe their behaviour with everyone. Are they being intolerant of everyone or just of a single person? If it is everyone, you should get a clinical psychologist's help to tackle this behaviour. If it is just one person, the child might have had some bitter experience(s) with that particular person. Talk to your child to know the reason. If they don't give in, a psychologist can help you and your child.</li><li>The reason behind intolerance needs to be figured out at the earliest and a psychologist might be able to help you and your child in this matter.</li></ul>

Intolerance is not the same as possessiveness. It might have underlying reasons.

behaviour concerns parenting concerns

Parenting issues are a part of the everyday parenting journey. Following article(s) might help you with your concern(s).