A few things said in haste messes up a child's brain and have a considerable impact psychologically, like low self-confidence, self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and so much more. Throughout your parenting journey, make sure you are not saying things or acting out in a way that could damage your child(ren) mentally. Sometimes parents are not aware that their actions affect their child(ren) negatively, and sometimes parents overlook it and justify their bad behaviour due to their stress. Here are a few practices which you should avoid telling your child(ren): Pick these up right now. I don't want you leaving a mess like that again.Instead, say:&nbsp;I don't like this mess you are leaving. Can you please clean this up when you have time? You should know better.Instead, say:&nbsp;It's OK not to know some things. Here, I will help you out. You're a bad kid.Instead, say:&nbsp;Can you tell me why you behaved/acted in such a way? I feel it wasn't right, is there anything you want to talk about? Or Else.&nbsp;Example: Eat dinner, or else you won't get your dessert.Instead, say:&nbsp;How about you take a healthy dinner quickly so that we can all enjoy dessert together?&nbsp; Stop being shy.Instead, say:&nbsp;You can come to say hi to your aunt when you are ready. You should set a good example for your brother.Instead, say:&nbsp;Your brother looks up to you; you're such a good role model. Wait until your father/mother gets home.Instead, say:&nbsp;You're grounded because you said a bad word. I will never forgive you.Instead, say:&nbsp;What you did was not acceptable, but we can look past it and move on if you think the next time. I'm ashamed of you.Instead, say:&nbsp;Although I feel bad about what you did, I love you for who you are. Don't worry; everything will be OK.Instead, say:&nbsp;Mom and Dad are always nearby, and we're going to set up a plan in case of emergency. Here, I'll do it.Instead, say:&nbsp;Let's do it together!" Don't cryInstead, say:&nbsp;I know you're sad, and it's OK to cry. It's OK to let out your emotions. Let me hug you. If you don't clean your room, you're going to be in big trouble.Instead, say:&nbsp;When your room is clean, then you may go out to play. Family finances aren't your business.Instead, say:&nbsp;Finances are how we make and manage money, and when you like, we will teach you what we know. I'm disappointed in you.Instead, say:&nbsp;I'm surprised and was not expecting this to occur. Come here, NOW.Instead, say:&nbsp;It's almost time to go. Do you want one minute or two? Because I said so.Instead, say:&nbsp;Explaining why you feel a certain way about something. We can't afford that.Instead, say:&nbsp;We're not going to buy that because we're saving our money for more important things. Don't talk to strangers.Instead, say:&nbsp;What would you do if a man you don't know offers you candy and a ride home? OR If anyone makes you feel sad, scared, or confused, you need to tell me right away. You should listen to adults.Instead, say:&nbsp;You need to listen to your parents. Don't be greedy!Instead, say:&nbsp;Would you please be kind and share your toys with your friend? Who taught you this? (about mischief)Instead, say:&nbsp;Why did you do that? Look at this lovely girl.Instead, say:&nbsp;I love you. You can do this too. I do everything for you.Instead, say:&nbsp;We do things for you because we love you, so please do for me. Do I have to tell you this 100 times?Instead, say:&nbsp;I've told you this before, but could you please. That's only for boys/girls.Instead:&nbsp;Say nothing at all. Try your best at raising gender-neutral children. You live under my roof, so you follow my rules.Instead, say:&nbsp;You know the household rules. Please stick to them. That's how I was raised.Instead, say:&nbsp;I don't think it's a good idea to do [ ]. Even my parents used to tell me that [ ]. You're just like your mother/father!Instead say:&nbsp;I’m not happy with [ ] because [ ]. I told you so.Instead, say:&nbsp;I'm sorry to hear about [ ] ... let this be a lesson. It's just a little white lie.Instead, explain to them that it's OK to use white lies to be polite and not hurt someone's feelings. Explain to them the fine line between lies and little white lies. Man up. / Be a man.Never disregard your son's feelings. Don't teach them that showing emotions is weak. To show emotions is only human. Why can't you be more like your sister?Instead, say:&nbsp;I don't quite like this behaviour of yours. Do you think we can work on it? If you loved me, you wouldn't do (this/that).Don't teach them that love needs to be proven all the time. Love comes without ifs and buts. I wish you'd never been born. / I hate you.No matter how angry you are, this is the worst thing to say. You would be scarring your child. Why can't you do anything right?Instead, say: What's the barrier? Is there anything I can help you with? I don't believe you.Instead, say: This comes as a shock for me. But I am sure you can tell me the whole thing. There's nothing to be afraid of.Instead, say:&nbsp;Everyone has their fair share of fears. We appreciate that you shared your feelings with us. We promise we will work on this together. You're lazy/stupid/selfish.Never label your child. Never. Your friends don't do that.Comparison will never bring any positive change. Accept your child for who they are and appreciate them. You should have done better.Praise them for their achievement. Do not over expect. You don't know what you're talking about. / You're too young to know what you want.Often children know what they want or how they feel. Saying this will show your distrust in their feelings. You'll never be able to do that.Instead, encourage and push your child to do better, of course, without any comparison. You're so fat/skinny, or You're going to get fat/skinny.Never attribute a child's identity to their looks. You make me so mad.Calm your anger down, and then talk to your child(ren).&nbsp;Instead, say:&nbsp;We will talk about this after a while when I am in the right state of my mind. Impact of such phrases on children:<ol><li>Antisocial behaviour</li><li>Poor resilience</li><li>Depression</li><li>Aggression</li><li>Lack of empathy</li><li>Difficulty in relationships</li><li>Self-doubt</li><li>Lack of self-confidence</li><li>Anxiety</li></ol>

A few things said in haste messes up a child's brain and have a considerable impact psychologically, like low self-confidence, self-doubt, anxiety and so on

Speaking Gently: Things you should never say to your child

A few things said in haste messes up a child’s brain and have a huge impact psychologically.

Things You Should Never Say to Your Child

Are we exhibiting what we want our kids to be? Call it a harsh reality but children rarely learn from what we preach, they learn from our actions. Take this for an example, an anonymous user on the internet confessed that her child would hit her younger sibling while playing. Her explanation in defence was, “We are playing ‘mommy”. We all aspire to become perfect parents for our kids because we want to inculcate values in them that would make them better human beings. But the larger and the more significant question is do we exhibit that kind of discipline in our behaviour? We expect our children to use modern-day gadgets judiciously but do we supervise our use of these products? We want our kids to watch their words and actions when angry but do we manage our anger appropriately? We want our kids to show decorum and discipline with their daily routine but are we exhibiting ourselves as an example to do the same? Dr Haim Ginott, a renowned child psychologist, pointed out, “Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.” If we give the child an environment of hostility he is more likely to learn to fight. An environment of ridicule and shame can lead to the child resulting being shy and guilty. But similarly, if the child had always lived with tolerance, he learns to become more patient. If he has always received praise, he learns the virtue of appreciation. What is important during the child’s growing years is that we model the kind of behaviour we expect our children to be. It is impossible to not be stressed or angry under circumstances. But when the parents manage their stress and anger appropriately, the message is loud and clear to the kids that it is normal to feel negative at times but it is only the positive attitude towards solving these problems that reap good results. Parents should ‘speak’ and ‘do’ what they expect out of their children. Saying statements like. “I love all kinds of food”, “I love playing outdoors”, “Let’s clean up the mess together”, “Let’s help little brother/sister with eating the food”. These kinds of statements bring about assurance in the kids and before indulging in the wrong they are forced to do what think what they have been taught. The brains of children are like sponges. They absorb everything without discriminating information into right or wrong. Let's set ourselves as better examples for our children. Let's exhibit what we want our children to be.

Are we exhibiting what we want our kids to be? Call it a harsh reality but children rarely learn from what we preach, they learn from our actions.

Children See Children Learn - The pillar of parenting

Being a positive role model for your child can help instil the right attitude and habits from an early age for your child to nurture a healthy lifestyle.

Children See Children Learn ~The pillar of parenting

The following tips will help you manage your twins/triplets efficiently: <ul><li>Stick to a schedule</li></ul>Maintain a common schedule for the children. If one wakes up from a nap, wake up the other. If one is hungry and wants to eat, feed the other child as well. Scheduling both the children together will keep you sane and help you get proper sleep as well. <ul><li>Feed at the same time</li></ul>It is important to learn to breastfeed both babies at the same time. If you are feeding on the bottles, it is easier to have two spots to seat them. Breastfeed or bottle-feed, prepare ahead of the feed (a breastfeeding pillow, bottles, burp cloths, pumped breastmilk or formula and a snack for yourself). After feeding, burp the babies one by one. By the time the second (or third) baby has been fed, burped, and changed, the first one's often hungry - and the cycle begins all over again. In the beginning, breastfeeding two babies at the same time can be difficult. It is best to consult a lactation nurse on the days when you are still in the hospital. A nurse will help you try different breastfeeding positions so by the time you are home with your kids, you can apply the one that suits you and your child the best. When one of the babies wakes up to be fed in the middle of the night, wake up the other one after you're done with the first baby. It's hard to wake a sleeping baby, but if you don't, you will be constantly tending to babies and not getting any sleep. <ul><li>Bath twice</li></ul>Bathe your babies turn by turn. If you have an infant chair, put one of your babies in the chair beside you while you bathe the other child. When you are done with one baby, switch the places. Bath seats are also available in the market; these seats make the bathing process easier. <ul><li>Know who is who</li></ul>In the early days of twin parenting, it is natural to mix up your babies. You can dab a dot of nail polish on one of your baby's toes or fingers to avoid confusion. You can tie a wristband to one of your babies. See what works the best for you. <ul><li>Crying times two</li></ul>More often than not, both of your babies will cry at the same time. It is difficult to find out what soothes your babies. What works for one might not work for the other. Figure out if cuddling, cradling, singing, caressing works for your babies or not. <ul><li>Share the duties</li></ul>Ask for help; it can be difficult but ask away. It will be for your own peace. Delegate your tasks to your spouse or your other family members. You can hire a caretaker as well for some time till you figure out how to go about twin parenting. Delegating your tasks will give you time to bond with your babies. Communication is the key; if you feel one parent is taking up more responsibilities, talk it out. <ul><li>Preparing your house for your babies</li></ul>Baby proof your house in every possible way. Set up a changing station including diapers, wipes, and extra baby clothes. If you have a house with more levels, make sure to arrange changing stations, baby chairs at all levels. That way you can avoid running up and down the stairs every time one of the babies spits up or needs to be changed. <ul><li>Bond with your Babies</li></ul>It might take you more time to bond with your babies compared to parents of singletons. Most of your time will be eaten up in fulfilling your babies' needs. But the more time you spend with your babies, the more you will know them and connect with them. <ul><li>Celebrate their individuality</li></ul>It's important to treat your babies as individuals so that they begin to see themselves that way too. Refer to them by their names rather than as "the twins," and as they get older, make sure they have their own clothes and special toys. <ul><li>Plan quality time individually</li></ul>Plan quality time separately for your babies. Sit and talk to them, read a book, or play a game with your babies. The goal is to give each child life experiences that are fun and appropriate for them. Twins are very dependent upon each other in the early years. Spending some time apart will help them develop separate identities and help them understand their likes and dislikes. <ul><li>Respect your children</li></ul>Every child has different needs hence it is important to cater to their individual needs than being fair when raising twins. It is okay if you don't buy the same gifts or clothes for your twins or treat them in the same manner. Respecting the similarities and differences of each child fosters a real and healthy sense of self. <ul><li>Consider possessions &amp; twin identity</li></ul>Possessions help children form a sense of identity. Some separate clothes, toys, books, blankets, etc. reinforce separateness and ownership. Each child needs some possessions that do not have to be shared. This can be achieved by giving each child a special cupboard or space on a shelf. <ul><li>Be cautious about making comparisons.</li></ul>The comparison comes naturally to parents, knowingly or unknowingly. With twins, it becomes even more tempting to do so. Every child develops at their own pace hence it is best not to compare twins. Comparisons easily discourage a child or create a situation where (s)he feels less smart, capable, attractive or loved. What to invest in and what to save on?Babies Can Share:<ul><li>Changing table</li><li>Playpen or portable crib</li><li>Baby bathtub</li><li>Nursing pillow</li><li>Breast pump</li><li>Baby monitor</li><li>Double or triple stroller</li><li>Stationary activity centre</li><li>Activity mat</li></ul> Separate Baby Needs:<ul><li>Car seat</li><li>Infant seat</li><li>Bassinet</li><li>Crib</li><li>Swing</li><li>Diaper bag</li><li>High chair</li><li>Front carrier</li></ul>

It can be a little tricky to raise twins or triplets. But with time, you sure will figure out everything. The following tips will help you manage your twins efficiently.

Parenting hacks by experts on raising twins

It can be a little tricky to raise twins or triplets. But with time, you sure will figure out everything.

It's trickier to keep babies safe in monsoons, but taking care of a few important things can make it alright: <ul><li>Make sure that your baby’s clothes are dry and warm. Clothes often remain cold and damp after a wash in the monsoon. Clothes that remain damp can result in your baby catching a fever or cold. It is also best to opt for breathable cotton fabrics and avoid synthetics that may cause rashes.</li><li>Monsoons are always accompanied by several insects and germs like flies, fungus mosquitoes, etc. Hence the chances of babies falling ill also increase during monsoons. To keep your baby free of these, ensure that you and everyone else handling your baby should stay clean. Keep an eye out for nappy rash - change diapers regularly and apply a good diaper rash cream.</li><li>Disinfect your home and surroundings too regularly to keep germs away. Unclean surroundings can harbour many disease-causing insects and pests, as well as bacteria.</li><li>Monsoon brings with it malaria and dengue causing mosquitoes. To prevent your baby from catching these diseases, it is best to use bed nets or mesh windows. You can also use mosquito repellent creams for your baby after consulting with a doctor. There are also liquid, card and coil repellents available that are safe and effective against mosquitoes.</li><li>It is best not to take your baby out during monsoons, especially when it is raining. The humidity and the change in temperatures might lead to your baby catching the flu. If you have to take your baby out, make sure that your baby is covered correctly and completely dry throughout your outing. If you go out, avoid dirty areas with puddles and mud. Ensure that you are not taking your baby to crowded places as it’s easier to get infected with people around. When you take your child outdoors, keep wet wipes handy to ensure your baby stays clean all the time.</li><li>Some infants are allergic to specific pollen and allergens. Make sure your baby is kept away from these during the rains. If you notice any rash, redness or other symptoms, consult your doctor immediately and get it checked.</li><li>Check your house for dampness, leakage before the monsoon arrives. Get them fixed if there is a problem. Check for fungus or moulds around the house. Secure the loose electric wiring, if any. Clean the drains and keep bathrooms hygienic</li><li>Always feed freshly prepared food to your baby in monsoon as food tends to spoil quickly in monsoon.</li><li>Since you can’t always find clean water when you’re outside, make sure you carry a small bottle of sanitiser and use it to clean your hands whenever handling the baby.</li><li>Many doctors recommend getting a flu booster shot when the monsoons are around. Make sure your baby gets all his/her shots before the monsoon.</li><li>Since a baby is primary indoors in monsoon (s), he doesn’t need a daily bath. Two to three times a week, and especially around humid times, can give your baby relief from the heat as well. If your child has been outside, definitely give him a nice warm water bath.</li></ul>

Taking the right precautionary steps before the arrival of any season will keep your baby safe and healthy.

Monsoon Precautions for Babies | Tips & Precautions

Taking the right precautionary steps before the arrival of any season will keep your baby safe and healthy.

Monsoon Tips and Precautions for Babies

It's just a few days to your child's birthday and you are wondering if everything will go according to your plan or not. Well, here are a few things you can prepare beforehand so that on your child's special day you are not busy with organising and execution and are able to spend quality time with your child: <ul><li>If you're calling your child's friends over, make all the calls at least 3 days prior and take the confirmations so you can make the arrangements accordingly.</li><li>If you are planning to get food from outside, call the catering people and make appropriate arrangements for the special day.</li><li>If you are going to plan an activity for children, get all the materials for the same and keep everything in one place so that you don't have to rush around for everything on the day of celebration.</li><li>Get a house help for the whole day to help you with the arrangements prior to the celebration and also to help you tidy up the place post the celebrations.</li><li>Make your child try on the clothes and footwear before their birthday so that if any changes are to be made, they can be done within time.</li><li>Wind up all your personal/professional work one day prior to your child's birthday so that you can give your undivided attention to your child.</li></ul> If you are confused as to what you can do to make your child's birthday fulfilling, take a look at our 'Birthday Celebration Ideas' article to get some ideas.

Don't fuss about the preparations on the day of the celebration of the child's birthday, instead, see what you can manage prior to the celebration to make the day less stressful.

Preparing for your childs Birthday

Don't fuss about the preparations on the day of the celebration of your child's birthday, instead, see what all you can manage prior to the celebration to make the day less stressful.

Nightmares/unpleasant (bad) dreams are common among preschoolers as this is the age when they start understanding about normal fears and their imagination is highly active. These unpleasant dreams disrupt child’s sleep and causes distress. Nightmares usually occur in the middle of the night or early morning. According to science, dreams are just a representation of what has been put in our brains. If the child is watching too many violent games or action thrillers or if (s)he has had a fight with friends/family members, (s)he can have bad dreams. Sometimes a verbal fight during the day with anybody can convert into violent dream. As a child, the unpleasant dream is mostly related to ghosts, witches or may be losing both or either of the parents. When they express this, be very sure and precise about how you are going to go ahead with this information and you should assess what kind of surrounding they are being a part of. When your child gets startled and wakes up from sleep:<ul><li>The first thing to do when they wake up startled because of a bad dream, is to give them a warm hug and tell them that you are always around them and so there is no need to worry. Ask them to openly express whatever they have gone through or felt in the dream. This is the basic thing which you can do to calm your child during and after their unpleasant dream.</li><li>Switch on some lights, dark rooms are scary for children. It can help them go back to sleep.</li></ul> There are three ways of knowing whether your child is having unpleasant dreams or not:<ol><li>The first is if the child wakes up in the middle of the night and starts screaming and is disturbed.</li><li>The second if the child suddenly starts clenching his teeth in sleep. The child is irritated, restless and may keep twisting and turning through the night.</li><li>The third thing can be that the child wakes up in the morning and expresses that (s)he has had a bad dream and gives you the details.</li></ol> In all the three cases just work the following things out:&nbsp;<ol><li>What's the child’s schedule and how the child is doing what the child is doing. Is there something which the child is viewing which is not so comfortable for the child?</li><li>Keep a continuous record of the things happening because children as young as 1 or 1.5 years start observing some cartoons on the television which have negative characters coming in, which might disturb them.&nbsp;Later on, they start seeing these cartoons as a part of their dreams and get scared. So you should keep a check on the kind of media they consume.</li><li>Another possibility could be, there might be something in the surrounding which is being talked about and they are not okay with it. May be as parents, you might be discussing something negative in front of them which they are reciprocating in their dreams.</li><li>One more concern could be, whether you are fighting in front of your children. Are you taking out your anger or rage in front of them? The child may start channelising your anger in their dreams. They may dream about ghosts or death and if they are expressing any such thing, you can analyse those expressions.</li></ol> Here are a few ways to avoid nightmares:<ul><li>Have a regular bed time schedule.</li><li>Try to give a sound and pleasant atmosphere to your child at home.</li><li>Snuggle your child while putting them to sleep, read good stories and talk about pleasant events.</li><li>Avoid scary movies, TV shows or threatening stories before bed time.</li><li>Also ensure that you not talking about any unpleasant event to other family members in presence of the child.</li></ul>

Nightmares/unpleasant (bad) dreams are common among preschoolers as this is the age when they start understanding about normal fears and their imagination is highly active.

Child experiencing unpleasant dreams

Dr Aliraza Khunt

Late sleeping habits can be due to many reasons:<ul><li>This situation can arise due to the atmosphere in the house and lifestyle of family members.</li><li>These days parents themselves stay up late watching TV and using phones even after going to bed.</li><li>Studies reveal that if a child sleeps late then there are more chances of the child getting obese.</li><li>Ideally child should not sleep late. To help children sleep early, the parents can dim the lights and maintain silence in the house- the ambience to sleep should be created.</li><li>Even the parents should develop a habit of going early to bed.There is no such medication for sleep which can be given to children.</li><li>Only thing that can be done is following a proper sleep ritual to&nbsp;develop a habit of sleeping early.</li><li>You can make bedtime interesting by planning a different activity with your child before going to bed.</li><li>Few babies have habit of late evening nap. Avoid that to prevent late night sleep.</li></ul> Following the above measures can help you improve your child's sleep cycle.

By following proper measures, the habit of sleeping late can be improved upon.

Late sleeping habit in children

You can take the following precautions while boarding a bus with a baby: <ul><li>Getting on the bus: Always wear flat and comfortable footwear. Dress your baby in a comfortable dress. While getting on the bus, make sure the bus is at a complete halt. People are always supportive towards women with babies so take help if required but at the same time stay alert about suspicious people.</li><li>Board a bus that is not so crowded: It is risky when there are too many people on the bus. If you aren’t in a hurry you can wait for a bus that's a little less crowded. You or your baby can get hurt or elbowed in a crowded bus and the baby can get cranky seeing too many people around. Put your baby into a harness or strap him/her to your torso.</li><li>Grab a good seat, preferably near window: Usually babies enjoy window seats as they can keep watching live action out of the window, the moving buses, autos, birds, greenery - this all can keep your baby busy .You can keep the glass closed to protect from dirt, dust, smoke and loud noises. Hold your baby firmly when the window is open.</li><li>Stay alert: Yes! Any public transport can be a little tricky one because there are more chances of a woman being molested and groped in a crowded bus. So, stay alert. Raise your voice if you find any suspicious person doing something inappropriate. Preferably sit around families having women and children around. Keep your phone handy. Always stay ready with pepper spray. Trust your guts before trusting anyone else.</li><li>Have something to entertain your baby: Before boarding the bus see that your child is well rested and well fed. Change his diaper so (s)he feels fresh. If your baby is old enough to eat, you can take some dry snacks along like cornflakes or roasted peanuts and popcorn packets, so the baby stays distracted and doesn’t make a fuss. You can carry a picture book if the journey is of long hours or play good music or rhymes. After a short while babies tend to sleep in a moving bus just like elders.</li><li>So don’t worry and board your bus.</li></ul>

It can get difficult to manage young children in a bus but the situation can always be managed.

Travelling with a child in bus

Palak Vyas

Pacifier is something which is going to be there in your baby’s mouth for a long period so you want to be very sure about how and what to consider before buying one. <ul><li>Size: First things first, consider the size of the pacifier and the age of your baby. Pay attention to the recommended age bracket on each pacifier.</li></ul>Up to 6 months: small-sized pacifier6 to 18 months: medium-sized pacifier18 months and above: large-sized pacifier <ul><li>Construction: Pacifiers come in many varieties like single-piece, three-piece, stuffed animal, etc. With the 3 piece pacifier, make sure that any of the parts should not be lightly attached. They should be fixed properly to avoid any kind of choking hazard. Single piece pacifiers are the safest of all.</li></ul> <ul><li>Nipple material: There are two different materials available in the market.</li></ul> <ol><li>Silicone: This is easy to clean and is less prone to retain odours. They can be easily washed in dishwashers.</li><li>Latex: They are softer and are more flexible than silicone material but this material wears out faster. Usually, they are not dishwasher safe. If your baby is allergic to latex then you can either use natural rubber, non-latex or silicone ones.</li></ol>&nbsp;<ul><li>Guard type: There is a standard size as per the baby’s age and so you have to select accordingly. The guard prevents your baby from drawing the nipple into his/her mouth and choking while (s)he is using the pacifier. There are holes in the guard to allow air circulation between the guard and the baby’s face and prevent moisture rashes.</li></ul> <ul><li>Washable: It has to be easy to wash and sterile. Pacifiers must be dishwasher safe if possible.</li></ul> <ul><li>Use coloured pacifiers so that you can spot them easily.</li></ul>&nbsp;<ul><li>Don’t attach anything with your baby’s pacifier. Do not sugar coat it. Do not attach it to your baby’s body. Always keep it clean.</li></ul>

A pacifier is a rubber, plastic, or silicone nipple which is given to an infant to suck upon. It comes with a mouth shield to avoid the danger of swallowing it and choking up on it.

Selecting a pacifier for your baby

It is difficult to know what’s going on in a child’s mind because they contemplate things differently than adults. It becomes all the more difficult because they cannot express their thoughts, feelings, and emotions in words as their vocabulary is not fully developed. Parents want to know what’s going on with their child because they are concerned about their children and want to help them. When children speak out their mind, it's easy to decipher what they are thinking but when they suddenly discontinue sharing, try to hide things, or avoid telling you the full story, it becomes a matter of concern. During such phases parents can try to observe their child closely. Observe their behaviour and listen to their conversations with friends and family. Observe their body language. Make them comfortable and try to talk to them with love and compassion. Give them the assurance that they can talk about everything to you and you won’t be mad at them or judge them. Make them feel safe and secure, make them feel heard and seen for who they are. In cases, where a child is being molested by some friend or family member, they tend to go silent and try to hide things from you out of fear. Likewise, when they are bullied or suppressed or shocked, they need your love, care and support. Stand by their side and listen to them. When you have gained their trust, they will open up with you and you won’t have to wonder what is running on their minds.

Be very observant of how your child behaves, that should help you understand your child better.

Decoding your child’s psyche

Every individual has a different nature. When you believe that your partner is aggressive, that is their nature. And in very rare cases, can anyone change other person’s nature.<ul><li>When you notice that your child is being affected negatively because of your partner’s behaviour, you need to share this concern with your spouse. Tell your spouse calmly that because of their behaviour, your child is getting affected. While doing so, be careful to not do this in front of your child. Also, be careful to not portray your spouse as a devil in the eyes of your child.</li><li>In this case, your partner will have to mould their character for the child’s peace of mind. You will have to support your partner in making changes in their behaviour because in parenting, both the parties need to share equal responsibilities.</li><li>Help your partner find the underlying reason behind their aggression. Because aggression does not pop up suddenly. It is build-up anger and frustration. If it is because of work life, help them to achieve work-life balance. If something at home is bothering them, look for ways where you can change things to make things easier for them. If nothing works, it is better that they take up therapy. Therapy will help them with their personal issues and also improve their aggressive behaviour.</li><li>Your partner’s aggressive behaviour won’t pose much of a problem until it is non-violent. When an aggressive person, becomes violent, that’s when things can get out of hand. In this case, only a psychologist or a psychiatrist can help the person.</li></ul> On the other hand, explain to your child that sometimes they will encounter some people with aggressive nature. They need to develop the ways to cope up with such people. It is not necessary that aggressive people are bad at heart. Make your child understand that their parent is trying their best to make changes to their behaviour.

Aggressive partners make it difficult for children to live openly. Children usually stay away from aggressive parent and are affected negatively.

Dealing with an aggressive partner 

Ravina Sewani

Children break their bones either by falling or while playing a sport. Sometimes, an unfortunate accident is also the reason behind fracture. Fractures are of two types: displaced and non-displaced.Non-displaced fracture is when the broken parts of bone are lined up correctly. This type of fracture is harder to identify.Displaced fracture is when the broken parts of bone are not lined up. Symptoms of bone fracture:<ul><li>Pain</li><li>Bruising</li><li>Swelling</li><li>Snapping noise</li><li>Numbness: This could be a sign of nerve damage near a break. A change in the colour of his skin could mean the same thing.</li><li>Can't straighten the injured area</li><li>Can't move a limb like normal</li></ul> Diagnosis: A fracture is diagnosed by doctors via X-rays. An X-ray can show where the break is and its type. Treatment:Treatment includes the use of cast, splint, or brace. These keep the broken bone from moving while it heals. Even the displaced broken bones often will heal straight over time. For the displaced bones, they are sometimes put back in place before the cast, splint, or brace is put on. This is done through a procedure called a ‘reduction’. This is also called "setting the bone." There are two types of reductions:<ul><li>Closed reduction: This is done without any incision or cut. The doctor gives a medicine to the child to ease the pain and then moves the bones back into the right position. No incision (cut) is needed.</li><li>Open reduction: This surgery is done for a more complicated injury. The surgeon makes a cut and moves the bones into the right position. Before this procedure, the doctor will usually give anaesthesia to your child. Surgical plates, screws, or wires might keep the bones in place.</li></ul>New bone formation may take several weeks to months after a break, but full healing can take much longer time. While waiting for medical help:<ul><li>Make sure your child is lying down. Then put pressure on the area with a sterile gauze pad or a clean cloth. Don't try to push the bone back into place. Don't wash it.</li><li>If you can't see the bone, don't move the limb. Try to cut away or remove clothing around the injured area, but do it gently so you don't cause any extra pain.</li><li>Wrap ice or a cold compress in a cloth and put it on the skin near the injured area. Don't do this in babies and toddlers because cold temperature can hurt their skin.</li><li>Don't give any food, drink, or medicine to your child in case (s)he needs surgery.</li></ul> Things to keep in mind post treatment:<ul><li>Make sure that your child eats a healthy diet that includes plenty of calcium and vitamin D.</li><li>Teach your child to take good care of the cast or splint.</li><li>Help your child to follow the health care provider's directions for rest and/or doing any exercises.</li></ul>

Children break their bones either by falling or while playing a sport.

Fracture in children

It is impossible for a parent to not get angry with children during their parenting journey. The out of sorts behaviour and tantrums of a child may lead to a parent getting angry hitting the child. But remember, hitting not only hurts the child physically but also emotionally. Hitting your child is not acceptable no matter the circumstances. Bringing a child into this world was your decision, not anyone else’s. Even if your child is at fault, you cannot hit your child. (S)he is not your guinea pig to take your aggression out on.<ul><li>Whenever you hit a child, reflect on your actions and ask yourself, “Did I hit my child because of his/her wrongdoing or was it just my frustration and aggression that I took it out on him/her?”</li><li>If it was your aggression, you need to solve your issues because if once you have hit your child, it will soon turn into a habit.</li></ul> Hitting makes a child stubborn and a rebel. The child will start developing negative emotions about the parent and this will ruin your long term relation with your child. Moreover, when you hit your child, the child learns that the only way to get our things done is through violence. Hence, they too will depict this behaviour in the future.Same goes for aggressive language. The words spoken in haste and anger have a long lasting damage. Once in awhile, if you shout on your child for their mistakes, it is okay but you cannot do this every time. If you shout on them always, you will receive the dose of your behaviour from your child in future. Parents sometimes hit children for the following reasons:<ul><li>To temporarily control bad behaviour.</li><li>To teach discipline.</li><li>Venting out frustration of spouse or family members.</li><li>When a child misbehaves in public.</li></ul> Parents feel guilty about the situation later and regret hitting the child. On the other hand, a child feels that (s)he is being treated in an unjust and unfair manner. This form of treatment can inculcate feelings of anger, humiliation, aggression, and fear. It may make the child feel very normal about physical violence. This is how you can be a calm parent:<ul><li>See if your breathing is normal. If not, try coming to the normal breathing pattern. Reflect, if you are reacting or responding to the situation. When you get under control, your kids will also calm down. Make a commitment and remind yourself to not vent out anger in haste.</li><li>Do not shout or raise your voice, if you speak calmly, you will feel calm and also receive calm response. Remember you are a role model for your child.</li><li>Move away from the child physically so that you are not tempted to touch or hit the child.</li><li>If your child is too young to be left alone, go to the kitchen and keep your hands under water.</li><li>Sit on a couch with your child and ask what made him/her misbehave in the situation, explain the impact and consequences of their actions.</li><li>Identify and avoid getting angry on routine habits like shoes in the living room, toys around the bed. Instead play a game to sort out these little things.</li><li>Have a glass of water.</li><li>Talk about the issue when both you and your child have calmed down.</li><li>Take your partner’s help.</li><li>If nothing helps, it might be good to talk to a counsellor.</li></ul>

It is impossible for a parent to not get angry with children during their parenting journey. Maintain your cool and things will get back to normal.

Keeping your anger in control

Mustafa Lokhandwala

Uninvolved parents expect children to raise themselves. They don't devote much time or energy into meeting children's basic needs. These parents may be neglectful but it's not always intentional. A parent with mental health issues or substance abuse problems, for example, may not be able to care for a child's physical or emotional needs consistently. These children receive little guidance, discipline, and nurturing from their parents. And oftentimes kids are left to raise themselves and make decisions — big and small — on their own. Many parents can identify with being stressed, overworked, and tired. You know what we mean: when things get out of control, you might brush off your child for a few minutes of quiet and lonely. Characteristics Uninvolved or neglectful parenting is a considerably new parenting style that does away with hand-holding and guiding the children. It lets them learn by themselves.To better understand what uninvolved parenting consists of, it can be helpful to look at some of the key characteristics of this parenting style. <ol><li>Emotional Detachment –&nbsp;Such parents think that their duty is limited to providing food and shelter, and no other needs such as connecting with their children emotionally. They do not feel the need to ask their kids about their daily activities, or even take care of them when the children feel emotionally down. They avoid any conflicts.</li><li>Too Occupied in Their Own Life -&nbsp;Uninvolved parents feel the pressure of the world and are generally busy with their issues. They may be too occupied in solving their problems and concerned about their lives that they may have the least interest in their child’s life.</li><li>Inappropriate Supervision -&nbsp;Sometimes parents may adopt either of the extreme approaches: they may either be too lenient towards their kid and may not know what he may be doing, or they may be too strict that they may restrict their kid’s social involvement.</li><li>Fewer Feelings –&nbsp;Parent Show little warmth, love, and affection towards their children. Such parents may not express their love towards their kids by hugging, kissing or by any other ways. They may have an indifferent attitude towards their child.</li><li>Less Involvement in child activities -&nbsp;Because of a lack of affection, uninvolved parents aren’t interested in their child’s schoolwork, activities, or events. They might skip their sports games or fail to show up for school meetings.</li><li>Abuse and Drug addicted -&nbsp;If parents are addicted to alcohol, drugs or other abusive substances then they fail in their responsibilities. Parents with substance abuse affect a child’s growth as they do not involve themselves with their children. In some cases, if parents lose their jobs, and come under financial constraints, then kids may have to drop out of school, or lack nutrition, among other things.</li></ol> &nbsp;Effects on Children Uninvolved parenting style may affect a child in more than one way, and some of the effects of neglectful parenting on a child may include the following:<ul><li>A child&nbsp;may feel lost and directionless.</li><li>The child may&nbsp;struggle to find his identity&nbsp;and may often be&nbsp;too timid.</li><li>Increased risk of&nbsp;substance abuse.</li><li>Lack of affection and attention can lead to&nbsp;low self-esteem.</li><li>Have difficulty in social gathering due to&nbsp;lack of social skills.</li><li>More likely to have symptoms of&nbsp;depression.</li><li>Poor academic performance due to&nbsp;mental tolerance.</li></ul> Pros of Uninvolved Parenting Uninvolved parents typically lack a discipline style. So, unless a child's behaviour affects them, these parents don't usually offer any type of correction. They allow the child to act how they want. And these parents don't get upset when their child performs poorly in school or with other activities. Cons of Uninvolved ParentingGiving excessive leniency may have significant negative consequences. Let’s see what the drawbacks of uninvolved parenting are: Lack of Confidence -&nbsp;Parents gives children the confidence to face the challenges. Unfortunately, children raised through uninvolved parenting lack this confidence and bravery. They usually have low self-esteem and are consequently uncertain about their own ability to face and deal with different situations. The absence of parental support and love also makes them feel insecure, thus making them worried over the smallest of things.Low self-esteem-&nbsp;One major disadvantage of uninvolved parenting is that these children don’t develop an emotional connection with their uninvolved parent. A lack of affection and attention at a young age can lead to low self-esteem or emotional neediness in other relationships.Mentally Stressed -&nbsp;In the absence of love and nurturing from the parent, these children may not learn the value of time. They might spend too much time watching television or playing online games.Social Skills -&nbsp;Children of uninvolved parents may have difficulties with social interactions outside the home because parents rarely communicate or engage their children.Emotional imbalance -&nbsp;Children who do not have limits set on their behaviour can have difficulty regulating their emotions, especially when their needs are not met.

Uninvolved parents tend to have little knowledge of what their children are doing. There tend to be few rules. Children may not receive much guidance, nurturing, and parental attention.

cribs parenting concerns

Parenting issues are a part of the everyday parenting journey. Following article(s) might help you with your concern(s).

Child experiencing unpleasant dreams

Late sleeping habit in children

Travelling with a child in bus

Selecting a pacifier for your baby

Decoding your child’s psyche

Dealing with an aggressive partner

Fracture in children

Keeping your anger in control

Uninvolved Parenting

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