Are we exhibiting what we want our kids to be? Call it a harsh reality but children rarely learn from what we preach, they learn from our actions. Take this for an example, an anonymous user on the internet confessed that her child would hit her younger sibling while playing. Her explanation in defence was, “We are playing ‘mommy”. We all aspire to become perfect parents for our kids because we want to inculcate values in them that would make them better human beings. But the larger and the more significant question is do we exhibit that kind of discipline in our behaviour? We expect our children to use modern-day gadgets judiciously but do we supervise our use of these products? We want our kids to watch their words and actions when angry but do we manage our anger appropriately? We want our kids to show decorum and discipline with their daily routine but are we exhibiting ourselves as an example to do the same? Dr Haim Ginott, a renowned child psychologist, pointed out, “Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.” If we give the child an environment of hostility he is more likely to learn to fight. An environment of ridicule and shame can lead to the child resulting being shy and guilty. But similarly, if the child had always lived with tolerance, he learns to become more patient. If he has always received praise, he learns the virtue of appreciation. What is important during the child’s growing years is that we model the kind of behaviour we expect our children to be. It is impossible to not be stressed or angry under circumstances. But when the parents manage their stress and anger appropriately, the message is loud and clear to the kids that it is normal to feel negative at times but it is only the positive attitude towards solving these problems that reap good results. Parents should ‘speak’ and ‘do’ what they expect out of their children. Saying statements like. “I love all kinds of food”, “I love playing outdoors”, “Let’s clean up the mess together”, “Let’s help little brother/sister with eating the food”. These kinds of statements bring about assurance in the kids and before indulging in the wrong they are forced to do what think what they have been taught. The brains of children are like sponges. They absorb everything without discriminating information into right or wrong. Let's set ourselves as better examples for our children. Let's exhibit what we want our children to be.

Are we exhibiting what we want our kids to be? Call it a harsh reality but children rarely learn from what we preach, they learn from our actions.

Children See Children Learn - The pillar of parenting

Being a positive role model for your child can help instil the right attitude and habits from an early age for your child to nurture a healthy lifestyle.

Children See Children Learn ~The pillar of parenting

A few things said in haste messes up a child's brain and have a considerable impact psychologically, like low self-confidence, self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and so much more. Throughout your parenting journey, make sure you are not saying things or acting out in a way that could damage your child(ren) mentally. Sometimes parents are not aware that their actions affect their child(ren) negatively, and sometimes parents overlook it and justify their bad behaviour due to their stress. Here are a few practices which you should avoid telling your child(ren): Pick these up right now. I don't want you leaving a mess like that again.Instead, say:&nbsp;I don't like this mess you are leaving. Can you please clean this up when you have time? You should know better.Instead, say:&nbsp;It's OK not to know some things. Here, I will help you out. You're a bad kid.Instead, say:&nbsp;Can you tell me why you behaved/acted in such a way? I feel it wasn't right, is there anything you want to talk about? Or Else.&nbsp;Example: Eat dinner, or else you won't get your dessert.Instead, say:&nbsp;How about you take a healthy dinner quickly so that we can all enjoy dessert together?&nbsp; Stop being shy.Instead, say:&nbsp;You can come to say hi to your aunt when you are ready. You should set a good example for your brother.Instead, say:&nbsp;Your brother looks up to you; you're such a good role model. Wait until your father/mother gets home.Instead, say:&nbsp;You're grounded because you said a bad word. I will never forgive you.Instead, say:&nbsp;What you did was not acceptable, but we can look past it and move on if you think the next time. I'm ashamed of you.Instead, say:&nbsp;Although I feel bad about what you did, I love you for who you are. Don't worry; everything will be OK.Instead, say:&nbsp;Mom and Dad are always nearby, and we're going to set up a plan in case of emergency. Here, I'll do it.Instead, say:&nbsp;Let's do it together!" Don't cryInstead, say:&nbsp;I know you're sad, and it's OK to cry. It's OK to let out your emotions. Let me hug you. If you don't clean your room, you're going to be in big trouble.Instead, say:&nbsp;When your room is clean, then you may go out to play. Family finances aren't your business.Instead, say:&nbsp;Finances are how we make and manage money, and when you like, we will teach you what we know. I'm disappointed in you.Instead, say:&nbsp;I'm surprised and was not expecting this to occur. Come here, NOW.Instead, say:&nbsp;It's almost time to go. Do you want one minute or two? Because I said so.Instead, say:&nbsp;Explaining why you feel a certain way about something. We can't afford that.Instead, say:&nbsp;We're not going to buy that because we're saving our money for more important things. Don't talk to strangers.Instead, say:&nbsp;What would you do if a man you don't know offers you candy and a ride home? OR If anyone makes you feel sad, scared, or confused, you need to tell me right away. You should listen to adults.Instead, say:&nbsp;You need to listen to your parents. Don't be greedy!Instead, say:&nbsp;Would you please be kind and share your toys with your friend? Who taught you this? (about mischief)Instead, say:&nbsp;Why did you do that? Look at this lovely girl.Instead, say:&nbsp;I love you. You can do this too. I do everything for you.Instead, say:&nbsp;We do things for you because we love you, so please do for me. Do I have to tell you this 100 times?Instead, say:&nbsp;I've told you this before, but could you please. That's only for boys/girls.Instead:&nbsp;Say nothing at all. Try your best at raising gender-neutral children. You live under my roof, so you follow my rules.Instead, say:&nbsp;You know the household rules. Please stick to them. That's how I was raised.Instead, say:&nbsp;I don't think it's a good idea to do [ ]. Even my parents used to tell me that [ ]. You're just like your mother/father!Instead say:&nbsp;I’m not happy with [ ] because [ ]. I told you so.Instead, say:&nbsp;I'm sorry to hear about [ ] ... let this be a lesson. It's just a little white lie.Instead, explain to them that it's OK to use white lies to be polite and not hurt someone's feelings. Explain to them the fine line between lies and little white lies. Man up. / Be a man.Never disregard your son's feelings. Don't teach them that showing emotions is weak. To show emotions is only human. Why can't you be more like your sister?Instead, say:&nbsp;I don't quite like this behaviour of yours. Do you think we can work on it? If you loved me, you wouldn't do (this/that).Don't teach them that love needs to be proven all the time. Love comes without ifs and buts. I wish you'd never been born. / I hate you.No matter how angry you are, this is the worst thing to say. You would be scarring your child. Why can't you do anything right?Instead, say: What's the barrier? Is there anything I can help you with? I don't believe you.Instead, say: This comes as a shock for me. But I am sure you can tell me the whole thing. There's nothing to be afraid of.Instead, say:&nbsp;Everyone has their fair share of fears. We appreciate that you shared your feelings with us. We promise we will work on this together. You're lazy/stupid/selfish.Never label your child. Never. Your friends don't do that.Comparison will never bring any positive change. Accept your child for who they are and appreciate them. You should have done better.Praise them for their achievement. Do not over expect. You don't know what you're talking about. / You're too young to know what you want.Often children know what they want or how they feel. Saying this will show your distrust in their feelings. You'll never be able to do that.Instead, encourage and push your child to do better, of course, without any comparison. You're so fat/skinny, or You're going to get fat/skinny.Never attribute a child's identity to their looks. You make me so mad.Calm your anger down, and then talk to your child(ren).&nbsp;Instead, say:&nbsp;We will talk about this after a while when I am in the right state of my mind. Impact of such phrases on children:<ol><li>Antisocial behaviour</li><li>Poor resilience</li><li>Depression</li><li>Aggression</li><li>Lack of empathy</li><li>Difficulty in relationships</li><li>Self-doubt</li><li>Lack of self-confidence</li><li>Anxiety</li></ol>

A few things said in haste messes up a child's brain and have a considerable impact psychologically, like low self-confidence, self-doubt, anxiety and so on

Speaking Gently: Things you should never say to your child

A few things said in haste messes up a child’s brain and have a huge impact psychologically.

Things You Should Never Say to Your Child

Kids tend to avoid healthy food due to the high taste levels of junk food. These activities will be a great help to develop their interest in food:<ul><li>Take them for grocery shopping.</li><li>Cook and Bake with them; there is nothing more exciting than this.</li><li>Teach them gardening - grow foods in your backyard.</li><li>Place the food on the plate in the colours of a rainbow; this way you can include all sorts of food on your child's plate. The easiest way is to prepare a food salad or a vegetable salad.</li><li>Hide vegetables and fruits in an opaque box or carry bag and ask the child to close their eyes. Then ask them to put their hand inside the bag, pick up food, feel it and then try to identify the vegetable/fruit through its texture. You can do this activity separately for vegetables and fruits to make it easier for your child.</li><li>Food obstacle course activity. Design an obstacle course in your house where you place different fruits/vegetables as obstacles. The child will have to eat a small portion of that vegetable or fruit before advancing forward. You can carry out this activity in a group and it will be a lot more fun.</li><li>Weave a story around fruits and vegetables and narrate those during their mealtime; check out food-related stories on our app.</li><li>Sing them songs/rhymes about food; you can a few songs related to food on our app.</li></ul> Keep in mind:<ul><li>Do not give them screens during mealtime; this way they will know what they are eating and will appreciate the food on their plates.</li><li>Let them have their favourite snack or dessert once in a while. But do not use them as treats for eating the food that they like less.</li></ul>

Thinking of interesting ways to present food to your child(ren) will make them eat all types of food.

Activities to encourage and develop child's interest in food

Thinking of interesting ways to present food to your child(ren) will make them eat all types of food.

Activities to develop your child interest in food

Following are a few tips to keep in mind while you babyproof the house: <ol><li>Keep the bathrooms locked at all times.</li><li>Lock and hasp on doors in rooms and bathrooms should be shifted up (at the height of an adult’s head).</li><li>Keep the cribs at the lowest height because as children advance developmentally, they tend to launch themselves out of the crib.</li><li>Change the positions of electrical boards, keep them high so that they are out of a child’s reach.</li><li>Check the sharp corners and cover them with soft rubber. Stick rubber cover at the corners of kitchen tables, beds, dining tables and TV units.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</li><li>If you are living in a double storied house, fix a small door on the staircase. This will ensure the baby doesn't crawl and climb up.</li><li>If the child is using a walker make sure there is no bump or slope on the floor.</li><li>Keep the heavy objects, sharp objects, glass objects and such hazardous objects out of reach of the child.</li><li>Keep the use of rugs at a minimum as children tend to slip because of them. If you do use rugs, put non-slip pads beneath them.</li><li>Unplug all electrical appliances when not in use.</li><li>Put all the sharp objects of the kitchen in cupboards.</li><li>Remove table cloths if any.</li><li>Install safety guards on windows and doors.</li><li>Make sure there's no water spilt anywhere in the house.</li><li>Do not paint or renovate the house immediately after the baby arrives home. The chemicals are harmful to the baby. Wait a few years and then make the required changes.</li></ol>

Children are curious by nature and they will explore everything you have in the house. So it's better to keep a check on all the things you have in the house before the baby arrives.

How to baby proof your house: 15 baby proofing tips 

Children are curious by nature and they will explore everything you have in the house. So it's better to keep a check on all the things you have in the house before the baby arrives.

15 Tips to baby proof your house

Children should be trained for swimming after the age of 4 years because that is when they are developmentally ready. Swimming Essentials to be kept handy while going swimming with your child:<ul><li>Swimming costume</li><li>Towel</li><li>Shampoo and Shower gel</li><li>Hair clips and bands</li><li>Swimming Cap</li><li>Goggles (Swimming Glasses)</li><li>Armbands</li><li>Swim nappies (if required)</li><li>Tan lotion</li></ul> Children are often quite excited about water, but do consider these water safety basics when you are in a pool with your child:<ul><li>Keep a continuous watch on kids; this is mandatory everywhere - in a bathtub or in a swimming pool.</li><li>Check the quality and strength of the tubes that your child is using.</li><li>Don’t be pushy. If the child is too scared, take them out of the water and try again later.</li><li>If the child is learning to swim, an adult should swim at arm’s length (close to the child).</li><li>Children should be away from the pool when adults are not around, never leave the child unsupervised.</li></ul>

Swimming pools can pose some danger so it's better to take precautions. Children should be trained for swimming and taken care of while about basic water safety rules.

Swimming Pool essentials for kids to make their pool time safe

Swimming pools can pose some danger so it's better to take proper precautions.

Safe Swimming Pool Essentials and Considerations for Children

Every individual has a different nature. When you believe that your partner is aggressive, that is their nature. And in very rare cases, can anyone change other person’s nature.<ul><li>When you notice that your child is being affected negatively because of your partner’s behaviour, you need to share this concern with your spouse. Tell your spouse calmly that because of their behaviour, your child is getting affected. While doing so, be careful to not do this in front of your child. Also, be careful to not portray your spouse as a devil in the eyes of your child.</li><li>In this case, your partner will have to mould their character for the child’s peace of mind. You will have to support your partner in making changes in their behaviour because in parenting, both the parties need to share equal responsibilities.</li><li>Help your partner find the underlying reason behind their aggression. Because aggression does not pop up suddenly. It is build-up anger and frustration. If it is because of work life, help them to achieve work-life balance. If something at home is bothering them, look for ways where you can change things to make things easier for them. If nothing works, it is better that they take up therapy. Therapy will help them with their personal issues and also improve their aggressive behaviour.</li><li>Your partner’s aggressive behaviour won’t pose much of a problem until it is non-violent. When an aggressive person, becomes violent, that’s when things can get out of hand. In this case, only a psychologist or a psychiatrist can help the person.</li></ul> On the other hand, explain to your child that sometimes they will encounter some people with aggressive nature. They need to develop the ways to cope up with such people. It is not necessary that aggressive people are bad at heart. Make your child understand that their parent is trying their best to make changes to their behaviour.

Aggressive partners make it difficult for children to live openly. Children usually stay away from aggressive parent and are affected negatively.

Dealing with an aggressive partner 

<ul><li>Well! Actually it is good to have grandparents around in the same house.</li><li>The child feels loved and warm in their company and sometimes they help you&nbsp;check your own destructive behaviour like screaming or yelling on your child.</li><li>But when these grandparents spoil them with loads of toys and sweets and extra permission of watching T.V or playing games, the matter worsens.</li><li>Here the parents, husband and wife, need to come together and stand up for each other. Whenever there is a conflict between the adults in the home, there is always a power struggle which has a bad impact on children.</li><li>Make a conversation with your child. Make him/her sit and explain your child that whatever their grandparents are doing they are doing out of love. But when it comes to making important decisions or making rules for the child it is parents’ responsibility because they are accountable for the child. We don’t have authority over the grandparents but we have on the child as a child is not an adult.</li><li>Make a conversation on this basis. Be calm, have firm tone and Keep repeating.</li><li>You can talk to grandparents and make them realise that this is spoiling your child’s habits in long run but chances are less for them to change.</li><li>Final word is focus on your own parenting instead of changing grandparents. Also accepting the grandparents without any hard feelings will help in nurturing the characteristics of being non judgemental in our kids.</li></ul>

Conflicts between parents and grandparents are bound to happen but this should not affect your baby in any way.

Dealing with overly pampered children by grandparents

Palak Vyas

Keep the following things in mind while inculcating the listening skill in your child: <ul><li>Be a good listener yourself:&nbsp;Avoid interrupting your child when (s)he is talking or saying something.</li><li>Try and give simple and easy instructions.</li><li>Whenever your child listens carefully, always praise them.</li><li>Teach them why it is important to be a good listener.</li><li>Model good communication skills.</li><li>Ask them to repeat what you said after they have heard you completely.</li><li>Read stories to them and let the child predict the ending.</li><li>Listen to audio stories as family time.</li><li>Play games like Simon says, add-on stories (where everybody adds their own sentences and the story moves forward), Copy cat (where you say funny rhyming words which the child has to repeat), and many such.</li><li>Listen patiently whenever they talk to you and teach them the same.</li><li>Help your child build vocabulary so they can convey easily and understand what is being said.</li><li>Always remember that young children have short attention span so never say multiple things at one go.</li></ul>

Children model their parents the most. Develop the listening skill yourself and then help the child to achieve the same.

Teaching child to be a good listener

Following points can be considered while selecting a baby box for your baby: <ol><li>The box should be spacious and sturdy, basically appropriate for your baby.</li><li>The material should be able to stand your baby’s weight.</li><li>Baby Boxes can be used until 6 months or till your baby learns to sit or crawl on their own. So buy the boxes keeping in mind your baby’s growth for six months at least.</li><li>Ensure the base is well balanced.</li><li>Check whether it is comfortable for you and your baby to use a baby box. Generally, babies feel safe, secure and happy in the baby box.</li><li>The bottom mattress should be firm and properly fitted.</li></ol>

Baby boxes are also known as sleep boxes. These are simple cardboard boxes which can be used in place of cribs for babies to sleep in.

Selecting a baby box for your baby

Discipline teaches your child how to behave and how not to behave in social and routine situations. It also lays the foundation for the kind of adult the child is going to be. Discipline can never be taught just by punishment. Instead, discipline should be taught by talking, listening and showcasing the behaviour you want your child to learn. Babies under the age of 3 do not really understand good or bad behaviour. Building a routine such as sleeping on time and waking up on time, eating home cooked meals, etc. can be done with toddlers. You can inculcate disciplined behaviour among toddlers by:<ul><li>Making family rules and sticking by to them yourself as well. Like talking politely to each other, taking care of each other, everyone helps in household work, taking care of own belongings.</li><li>Appreciate&nbsp;your child’s effort for the little good things they learn. Like when they keep shoes or bag at the respective places, appreciate it. This will motivate them to keep up the good behaviour.</li><li>Do not shout and yell at children in public or private&nbsp;for misbehaviour, instead make a note of the incident and talk about it during bed-time. Ask the child and let them answer about right and wrong behaviour, this will make them conscious about their behaviour next time.</li><li>Appreciate good behaviour.&nbsp;Make&nbsp;a chart and give them stars. Let them earn stars by depicting good behaviour example: helping at home, putting their things at the right place, cleaning their room etc.). This will make them understand that it’s important to hold on to routine and good habits in life.</li></ul>

Discipline teaches your child how to behave and how not to behave in social and routine situations. It also lays the foundation for the kind of adult the child is going to be.

Keeping a child in discipline

Ravina Sewani

When an insect flies into your child’s ear, it is possible that it might die while inside the ear. But it’s also possible that the bug might remain alive and try to burrow its way outside of your ear. This can be painful, irritating, and worrisome. If the insect is alive, the buzzing and movement of the insect is loud and painful. The insect inside the ear causes:<ul><li>Inflammation</li><li>Irritation</li><li>Bleeding</li><li>Infection</li><li>Redness</li><li>Swelling</li><li>Discharge from the ear, including blood or pus</li><li>Damage to the eardrum</li><li>Hearing loss</li></ul>Apart from insects or flies, babies and young children are known to put small objects in their ears like candy and beans. Treatment:<ul><li>If an insect has entered your child’s ear and if it is alive, kill it before you try to remove it. To kill the insect, put a few drops of warm (not hot) baby oil or vegetable oil in the ear. Tilt and gently shake your child’s head to dislodge the bug. Remember to not use this method for anything other than an insect, and don't use it if your child is in pain, the ear is bleeding, or if (s)he has tubes in his ear.</li><li>Using a cotton swab or other probing object can push the insect farther into the ear and potentially damage the middle ear or eardrum. So, never use those.</li><li>If the insect is dead, you might be able to remove it by flushing it out of the ear by using water and a syringe.</li><li>If you are worried that you cannot do this on your own, immediately rush to the nearest doctor or an ENT (ear, nose, and throat) specialist.</li><li>The doctor will use an otoscope to peer within the ear and determine if it is an insect or not. They may use tweezers to grab the insect and remove it from the ear. Alternatively, they may use gentle suction or flush the ear canal with warm water and a catheter. Children may need to be sedated during this process.</li><li>Your doctor might also prescribe antibiotics if there’s severe damage done to the ear canal of your child.</li></ul>

Apart from insects or flies, babies and young children are known to put small objects in their ears like candy and beans.

Insect flying into child's ear

Raising a single child is absolutely alright; do not let the external pressure and guilt affect you. You can raise an only child with good attributes of sharing and negotiation. You might be worried about loneliness but friends are often a new family. Following points will help you to raise your single child in a fulfilling way:<ul><li>Instil social skills by frequent interactions with neighbours and close family members regularly.</li><li>Help your child become self reliant, share daily chores; this will keep them occupied and make them independent.</li><li>Talk to them often, try to be best friends and do crazy stuff with your toddler. Like pretend play, cycling, clay moulding or racing.</li><li>Let them have play dates or you can also think of enrolling them in weekend sessions for dance, music or sports. Engage them in age appropriate activities.</li><li>Ensure an hour is spent outdoors or in outdoor play areas (parks and gardens).</li><li>Once in a while, plan a family outing to the nearest zoo, water-park, amusement-park, etc.</li></ul>

Raising a single child is absolutely alright; do not let the external pressure affect you.

Raising a single child

Qualities to look for the right cradle: <ol><li>The base of the cradle should be wide and sturdy so that it doesn’t topple and fall.</li><li>The distance between the slats should be appropriate, not too wide that the baby’s fingers or head get stuck in it.</li><li>Choose a cradle that has a sturdy mattress. It should be firm and well fitted. In case if the cradle doesn’t come with a mattress, you can buy it separately. Soft mattresses increase the risk of SIDS.</li><li>Choose a cradle with a fair and reasonable price as you are going to use this for a few months only. So buying an expensive and fancy cradle is a waste of money. The only criterion here is to buy a cradle that is comfortable to use, strong and reliable.</li><li>Check whether it meets the safety standards for design, structure, usage etc.</li><li>Select a cradle that has an automatic swing option; it relieves much of your work of swinging the cradle every now and then.</li><li>Get a cradle with either lockable wheels or no wheels at all. The cradle should be steady all the time.</li><li>These days cradles come with lullabies and music stored in it. It can be a great help to you.</li><li>Ensure it is portable and flexible enough to be travelled with.</li><li>The height and design of the cradle should be comfortable as you will have to pick up and put the baby back for n number of times. So look for your convenience.</li><li>Avoid cradles that come with sleep positioners. Sleep positioners may pose as a suffocating hazard.</li></ol>

A cradle is a baby bed with curved bases so it is easy to rock them from side to side.

Selecting a cradle for your baby

The simple techniques you can use to increase your child’s memory power:<ul><li>Enhancing understanding by asking questions: understanding is the foundation of memory. Explain to your child the basic concepts and once you have done that, ask them maximum questions. Yes or No questions, “wh” type questions.</li><li>Make rhymes and songs:&nbsp;Ask your child to do it, you can help if they are stuck somewhere. When they make their songs they remember them for a long time.</li><li>Make it exciting:&nbsp;You can always take them to places as per the topics they are studying. Going to libraries, museums, forts, temples, art galleries etc. This would be a lot more fun and the child will be able to relate it with his studies and it gets easier to remember.</li><li>More discussions:&nbsp;Have more discussions about the topics, ask their opinions and views and tell them to explain.</li><li>Using visual aids:&nbsp;Use flashcards for definition, charts for tables and little story drawings to explain the environmental phenomenon.</li><li>Let them make their example:&nbsp;when the child relates the topic with his/her personal experience, it is easy for them to relate and recall.</li><li>Reading it aloud:&nbsp;Yes! The age-old technique is still useful.</li><li>Breaking into smaller chunks:&nbsp;Whatever the topic is, break it into different points and then try and help them relate and memorise easily.</li><li>Draw mind maps; be creative.</li><li>Another thing you can include is&nbsp;practising mindfulness, which is a little 5 minutes meditation along with a little piece of music.</li><li>Dark chocolate&nbsp;with more than 70 % cocoa is also known to boost memory.</li></ul>

Memory power is a big part of academics. A few interesting activities will help your child in boosting their memory.

grandparenting parenting concerns

Parenting issues are a part of the everyday parenting journey. Following article(s) might help you with your concern(s).

Dealing with an aggressive partner

Dealing with overly pampered children by grandparents

Teaching child to be a good listener

Selecting a baby box for your baby

Keeping a child in discipline

Insect flying into child's ear

Raising a single child

Selecting a cradle for your baby

Boosting memory for academics

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