Dr Ajab Primuswala

It is a very common human stratum that we always have rivalry with our siblings. This happens in every family. But with certain families, it becomes very strong and gets difficult to handle. Sibling rivalry can be as simple as- siblings who are not ready to share things or can be extreme like - physical or verbal abuse and cooking up stories so that the other one gets the scolding or punishment. Common factors of sibling rivalry are: <ul><li>Age difference: It is very common to have sibling rivalry when the age difference is very less. So it's both ways , they like each other’s company, want to play together and still can’t play as they have the same levels of maturity and same kind of issues. If one of the siblings is quite older than the other, there’s less communication, their schedules are different and so in short when interaction is less, there are less issues and their maturity and understanding is also different. The elder one can handle things maturely. When there is a non-violent sibling rivalry between your kids, you can avoid them by saying, “This issue is between the two of you so please take care of it on your own, I am sure you both will resolve it beautifully.” You can escape this scene by making them responsible and showing your trust in their skills to resolve issues among them.</li></ul> <ul><li>Gender of your children: Well, It is observed that children of same gender have more common issues to fight with each other. Though they can grow as close siblings in later stage but in the initial years, it can get difficult to resolve their sibling rivalry because there is direct competition and comparison between them. On the other hand, a brother and a sister of the same age generally get along well. It is important to note that when it comes to sibling rivalry, there is no guarantee as to whether the siblings will fight or not. It depends on individual bonding between siblings.</li></ul> <ul><li>As a parent, if you are paying more attention towards one and neglecting the other or if one or both of the children has this feeling then this can brew into a sibling rivalry. You have to verbalise and assure them that you love and care equally for both of them in the same manner but depending on their individual needs your priorities might change. You should be aware and should keep in mind to take care of all your children’s needs and requirements one by one.</li></ul> Talking about the solutions: <ul><li>The first thing you can do while your kids are fighting over something is walk away, when it is not so serious or dangerous. Tell them: “It’s your matter, you handle”. In case if it gets severe and is happening frequently, you can ask them to maintain a diary about the issues. Decide the day to read the diary and solve it out.</li></ul> <ul><li>If you ask them to write it down, they are going to avoid such stories or situations where they will require you to come and solve it.</li></ul> <ul><li>This is a strong perspective where you are not avoiding them, instead giving them importance and proving a point that you have many other things that need to be taken care of.</li></ul> <ul><li>Sibling rivalry can be very dangerous if it continues till the later stages of life. Siblings can be either the most supportive or the most opposing depending on the kind of bonding they have had over the years. We, as parents, at times give rise to sibling rivalry by comparing our children with each other. So the key to not develop sibling rivalry is to stop comparing. Tell them whatever you want to, without giving each other’s examples. This can be more productive and progressive way of dealing with sibling rivalry.</li></ul>

Sibling rivalry is an age-old problem and get can be addressed easily if done at the right time.

Sibling rivalry

Every child needs full attention of a parent. While you are busy with the younger one, your elder child will experience a range of emotions, from excitement to jealousy or may be responsible and caring. In order to seek your attention, the elder child may show more tantrums or misbehave or refuse to eat. These emotions are short-lived but if not addressed well can have lasting impact on a child’s mind. Here are a few ways to make sure that your elder child does not feel neglected:<ul><li>Let them not feel left out: Take an extra care to ensure that the elder child never feels neglected (unintentionally though). Ask their suggestions for picking up clothes for newborn, choosing the toys for little one and more. Make sure you spend equal time with both the kids</li><li>Avoid giving excuses: Never make the younger one an excuse for not attending the elder child – “we can’t go to the park/playground as the baby is sleeping” “Keep quiet the baby will wake up” “After I attend the baby, I will listen to you” Instead tell him/her , “ We will play together when the baby wakes up, We will go to the park together May be giving a hope and the feeling of togetherness will help the child.</li><li>Pay more attention: Express extra care and love for elder one, increase your daily hugs and play some games or increase story time for the elder one.</li><li>Avoid comparing: This comes unintentionally but it can have a strategic impact on a child’s mind. Little things like who crawled first, child’s weight or who walked first can be taken as criticism by the elder one.</li></ul> Ensure both the children get equal attention and feel loved.

Every child needs full attention of a parent. So, pause and reflect on your parenting to make sure none of your children feel left out.

Managing sibling insecurity

Siblings often need validation for love from parents. Never avoid such a question. | Bee Parenting | Parenting Concerns.

what to do when child compares parents love for other child

Siblings often need validation for love from parents. Never avoid such a question. Tell them, “I love you and your brother/sister equally. You both are special for ME.” Avoid saying, “Of course I love you, and I don’t have to tell you the same thing again and again”.

father

mother

how to make my child understand that i love all children

how to make my child understand that i love all children

Siblings often need validation for love from parents. Never avoid such a question. Tell them, “I love you and your brother/sister equally. You both are special for ME.” Avoid saying, “Of course I love you, and I don’t have to tell you the same thing again and again”.

Sibling rivalry

Managing sibling insecurity

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