Ravina Sewani

A few things said in haste messes up a child’s brain and have a huge impact psychologically like low self confidence, self doubt, anxiety, depression, and so much more. Throughout your parenting journey, make sure you are not saying things or acting out in a way which could damage your child(ren) mentally. Sometimes parents are not aware that their actions are affecting their child(ren) negatively and sometimes parents just overlook it and justify their bad behaviour as a result of their personal stress. Here are a few practices which you should absolutely avoid telling to your child(ren): Pick these up right now. I don’t want you leaving a mess like that again.Instead say: I don’t like this mess you are leaving. Can you please clean this up when you have time? You should know better.Instead say: It’s okay to not know some things. Here, I will help you out. You’re a bad kid.Instead say: Can you tell me why you behaved/acted in such a way? I feel it wasn’t right, is there anything you want to talk about? Or Else. Example: Eat dinner or else you won’t get your dessert.Instead say: How about you take a healthy dinner quickly so that we can all enjoy dessert together?&nbsp; Stop being shy.Instead say: You can come say hi to your aunt when you are ready. You should set a good example for your brother.Instead say: Your brother looks up to you; you're such a good role model. Wait until your father/mother gets home.Instead say: You're grounded because you said a bad word. I will never forgive you.Instead say: What you did was not acceptable but we can look past it and move on if you are thoughtful the next time. I'm ashamed of you.Instead say: Although I feel badly about what you did, I love you for who you are. Don't worry, everything will be OK.Instead say: Mom and Dad are always nearby and we're going to set up a plan in case of emergency. Here, I'll do it.Instead say: Let's do it together!" Don't cryInstead say: I know you're sad and it's okay to cry. It's okay to let out your emotions. Let me give you a hug. If you don't clean your room, you're going to be in big trouble.Instead say: When your room is clean, then you may go out to play. Family finances aren't your business.Instead say: Finances are how we make and manage money, and when you like, we will teach you what we know. I'm disappointed in you.Instead say: I'm surprised and was not expecting this to occur. Come here, NOW.Instead say: It's almost time to go. Do you want one minute or two? Because I said so.Instead say: Explaining why you feel a certain way about something. We can't afford that.Instead say: We're not going to buy that because we're saving our money for more important things. Don't talk to strangers.Instead say: What would you do if a man you don't know offers you candy and a ride home? OR If anyone makes you feel sad, scared, or confused, you need to tell me right away. You should listen to adults.Instead say: You need to listen to your parents. Don't be greedy!Instead say: Would you please be kind and share your toys with your friend? Who taught you this? (about a mischief)Instead say: Why did you do that? Look at this lovely girl.Instead say: I love you. You can do this too. I do everything for you.Instead say: We do things for you because we love you so please do [&nbsp;] for me. Do I have to tell you this 100 times?Instead say: I’ve told you this before, but could you please… That’s only for boys/girls.Instead: Say nothing at all. Try your best at raising gender neutral children. You live under my roof so you follow my rules.Instead say: You know the household rules. Please stick to them. That’s how I was raisedInstead say: I don’t think it’s a good idea to do [&nbsp;]. Even my parents used to tell me that [&nbsp;]. You’re just like your mother/father!Instead say: I’m not happy with [&nbsp;&nbsp;] because [&nbsp;&nbsp;]. I told you so.Instead say: I’m sorry to hear about [ ] ... let this be a lesson. It’s just a little white lie.Instead explain them that it’s okay to use white lies to be polite and not hurt someone’s feelings. Explain them the fine line between lies and little white lies. Man up. / Be a man.Never disregard your son's feelings. Don't teach them that to show emotions is weak. To show emotions is only human. Why can’t you be more like your sister?Instead say: I don't quite like this behaviour of yours. Do you think we can work on it? If you really loved me, you wouldn’t do (this/that).Don't teach them that love needs to be proven all the time. Love comes without ifs and buts. I wish you'd never been born. / I hate you.No matter how angry you are, this is the worst thing to say. You would be scarring your child. Why can't you do anything right?Instead say: What's the barrier? Is there anything I can help you with? I don't believe you.Instead say: This comes as a shock for me. But I am sure you can tell me the whole thing. There's nothing to be afraid of.Instead say: Everyone has their fair share of fears. We appreciate that you shared your feelings with us. We promise wee will work on this together. You're lazy/stupid/selfish.Never label your child. Never. Your friends don't do that.Comparison will never bring any positive change. Accept your child for who they are and appreciate them. You should have done better.Praise them for their achievement. Do not over expect. You don’t know what you’re talking about. / You’re too young to know what you want.Often times children know what they want or how they feel. Saying this will show your distrust in their feelings. You’ll never be able to do that.Instead encourage and push your child to do better, of course without any comparison. You’re so fat/skinny or You’re gonna get fat/skinny.Never attribute a child's identity with their looks. You make me so mad.Calm your anger down and then talk to your child(ren). Instead say: We will talk about this after a while when I am in the right state of my mind. Impact of such phrases on children:<ol><li>Antisocial behaviour</li><li>Poor resilience</li><li>Depression</li><li>Aggression</li><li>Lack of empathy</li><li>Difficulty in relationships</li><li>Self doubt</li><li>Lack of self confidence</li><li>Anxiety</li></ol>

A few things said in haste messes up a child’s brain and have a huge impact psychologically.

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