A few things said in haste messes up a child's brain and have a considerable impact psychologically, like low self-confidence, self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and so much more. Throughout your parenting journey, make sure you are not saying things or acting out in a way that could damage your child(ren) mentally. Sometimes parents are not aware that their actions affect their child(ren) negatively, and sometimes parents overlook it and justify their bad behaviour due to their stress. Here are a few practices which you should avoid telling your child(ren): Pick these up right now. I don't want you leaving a mess like that again.Instead, say:&nbsp;I don't like this mess you are leaving. Can you please clean this up when you have time? You should know better.Instead, say:&nbsp;It's OK not to know some things. Here, I will help you out. You're a bad kid.Instead, say:&nbsp;Can you tell me why you behaved/acted in such a way? I feel it wasn't right, is there anything you want to talk about? Or Else.&nbsp;Example: Eat dinner, or else you won't get your dessert.Instead, say:&nbsp;How about you take a healthy dinner quickly so that we can all enjoy dessert together?&nbsp; Stop being shy.Instead, say:&nbsp;You can come to say hi to your aunt when you are ready. You should set a good example for your brother.Instead, say:&nbsp;Your brother looks up to you; you're such a good role model. Wait until your father/mother gets home.Instead, say:&nbsp;You're grounded because you said a bad word. I will never forgive you.Instead, say:&nbsp;What you did was not acceptable, but we can look past it and move on if you think the next time. I'm ashamed of you.Instead, say:&nbsp;Although I feel bad about what you did, I love you for who you are. Don't worry; everything will be OK.Instead, say:&nbsp;Mom and Dad are always nearby, and we're going to set up a plan in case of emergency. Here, I'll do it.Instead, say:&nbsp;Let's do it together!" Don't cryInstead, say:&nbsp;I know you're sad, and it's OK to cry. It's OK to let out your emotions. Let me hug you. If you don't clean your room, you're going to be in big trouble.Instead, say:&nbsp;When your room is clean, then you may go out to play. Family finances aren't your business.Instead, say:&nbsp;Finances are how we make and manage money, and when you like, we will teach you what we know. I'm disappointed in you.Instead, say:&nbsp;I'm surprised and was not expecting this to occur. Come here, NOW.Instead, say:&nbsp;It's almost time to go. Do you want one minute or two? Because I said so.Instead, say:&nbsp;Explaining why you feel a certain way about something. We can't afford that.Instead, say:&nbsp;We're not going to buy that because we're saving our money for more important things. Don't talk to strangers.Instead, say:&nbsp;What would you do if a man you don't know offers you candy and a ride home? OR If anyone makes you feel sad, scared, or confused, you need to tell me right away. You should listen to adults.Instead, say:&nbsp;You need to listen to your parents. Don't be greedy!Instead, say:&nbsp;Would you please be kind and share your toys with your friend? Who taught you this? (about mischief)Instead, say:&nbsp;Why did you do that? Look at this lovely girl.Instead, say:&nbsp;I love you. You can do this too. I do everything for you.Instead, say:&nbsp;We do things for you because we love you, so please do for me. Do I have to tell you this 100 times?Instead, say:&nbsp;I've told you this before, but could you please. That's only for boys/girls.Instead:&nbsp;Say nothing at all. Try your best at raising gender-neutral children. You live under my roof, so you follow my rules.Instead, say:&nbsp;You know the household rules. Please stick to them. That's how I was raised.Instead, say:&nbsp;I don't think it's a good idea to do [ ]. Even my parents used to tell me that [ ]. You're just like your mother/father!Instead say:&nbsp;I’m not happy with [ ] because [ ]. I told you so.Instead, say:&nbsp;I'm sorry to hear about [ ] ... let this be a lesson. It's just a little white lie.Instead, explain to them that it's OK to use white lies to be polite and not hurt someone's feelings. Explain to them the fine line between lies and little white lies. Man up. / Be a man.Never disregard your son's feelings. Don't teach them that showing emotions is weak. To show emotions is only human. Why can't you be more like your sister?Instead, say:&nbsp;I don't quite like this behaviour of yours. Do you think we can work on it? If you loved me, you wouldn't do (this/that).Don't teach them that love needs to be proven all the time. Love comes without ifs and buts. I wish you'd never been born. / I hate you.No matter how angry you are, this is the worst thing to say. You would be scarring your child. Why can't you do anything right?Instead, say: What's the barrier? Is there anything I can help you with? I don't believe you.Instead, say: This comes as a shock for me. But I am sure you can tell me the whole thing. There's nothing to be afraid of.Instead, say:&nbsp;Everyone has their fair share of fears. We appreciate that you shared your feelings with us. We promise we will work on this together. You're lazy/stupid/selfish.Never label your child. Never. Your friends don't do that.Comparison will never bring any positive change. Accept your child for who they are and appreciate them. You should have done better.Praise them for their achievement. Do not over expect. You don't know what you're talking about. / You're too young to know what you want.Often children know what they want or how they feel. Saying this will show your distrust in their feelings. You'll never be able to do that.Instead, encourage and push your child to do better, of course, without any comparison. You're so fat/skinny, or You're going to get fat/skinny.Never attribute a child's identity to their looks. You make me so mad.Calm your anger down, and then talk to your child(ren).&nbsp;Instead, say:&nbsp;We will talk about this after a while when I am in the right state of my mind. Impact of such phrases on children:<ol><li>Antisocial behaviour</li><li>Poor resilience</li><li>Depression</li><li>Aggression</li><li>Lack of empathy</li><li>Difficulty in relationships</li><li>Self-doubt</li><li>Lack of self-confidence</li><li>Anxiety</li></ol>

A few things said in haste messes up a child's brain and have a considerable impact psychologically, like low self-confidence, self-doubt, anxiety and so on

Speaking Gently: Things you should never say to your child

A few things said in haste messes up a child’s brain and have a huge impact psychologically.

Things You Should Never Say to Your Child

<ul><li>Make sure to get your child fully checked before the winter starts.</li><li>Make sure that all heating appliances like geysers &amp; heaters are in working condition.</li><li>Adequate warm clothing is essential but makes sure to NOT over-dress your baby as it can be extremely uncomfortable for him/her. Several thin layers will keep them dry and warm. Always remember to make them warm boots, gloves or mittens, and a hat. The rule of thumb for older babies and young children is to dress them in one more layer of clothing than an adult would wear in the same conditions.</li><li>Give warm water baths to your child. Make sure that there is a balance between the bathroom and the bedroom temperature so that your child does not get uncomfortable after the bath.</li><li>There should be no gusts of cold winds when you are bathing your baby.</li><li>Give adequate necessary vitamins and nutrients essential for proper growth to your child.</li><li>When riding/travelling in a car, make them wear thin, snug layers rather than thick, bulky coats or snowsuits.</li><li>Use sleep clothing for babies like warm one-piece sleepers or wearable blankets instead of loose bedding like blankets, quilts, pillows, bumpers, and sheepskins as they are a cause of suffocating deaths.</li><li>If a blanket must be used to keep a sleeping infant warm, it should be thin and tucked under the crib mattress, reaching only as far as the baby's chest.</li><li>Prevent cold and flu by getting kids to:</li></ul>-Use soap and water: Washing their hands frequently will reduce the spread of germs.-Cover their mouth: Sneezing or coughing into the bend of their elbows also helps prevent the spreading of germs.-Get immunised: Keep vaccinations current, including the flu shot.<ul><li>Include soup in your baby’s diet. A healthy soup in cold weather will keep your baby warm.</li><li>Maintain your own hygiene: Make sure to wash and sanitise your hands before you attend to your baby every time. You need to stay healthy so that your child does not catch any infections because of you.</li><li>Use a Humidifier: When using a heating apparatus during winters it could rob the room of water vapour, making the air dry as well as your child’s skin. Hence, install a humidifier in the room so that the moisture levels are maintained.</li><li>Make use of a moisturiser for your baby as your little one's skin will be extremely sensitive and the harsh atmosphere of the winter can make it dry. Opt for skin creams or moisturisers that are made for the baby’s skin.</li><li>Protect your child from hypothermia. Hypothermia develops when a child's temperature falls below normal due to exposure to colder temperatures. As hypothermia sets in, the child may shiver and become lethargic and clumsy.&nbsp;Speech may become slurred.</li><li>If you suspect your child is hypothermic, call for an emergency at once. Until help arrives, take the child indoors, remove any wet clothing, and wrap him/her in blankets or warm clothes.</li><li>Another thing to keep your baby safe from is frostbite. Frostbite happens when the skin and outer tissues become frozen.&nbsp;This condition tends to happen on extremities like the fingers, toes, ears and nose.&nbsp;They may become pale, grey and blistered. At the same time, the child may complain that his/her skin burns or has become numb.</li><li>If you suspect frostbite, bring the child indoors and place the frostbite parts of his/her body in warm (not hot) water. Warm washcloths may be applied to frostbitten noses, ears and lips. Do not rub the frozen areas. After a few minutes, dry and cover the child with clothing or blankets. Give him/her something warm to drink. If the numbness continues for more than a few minutes, call your doctor.</li></ul>

Taking the right precautionary steps before the arrival of any season will keep your baby safe and healthy.

Winter Precautions for Babies

Taking the right precautionary steps before the arrival of any season will keep your baby safe and healthy.

Precautions for Babies During the Winter Season

Are we exhibiting what we want our kids to be? Call it a harsh reality but children rarely learn from what we preach, they learn from our actions. Take this for an example, an anonymous user on the internet confessed that her child would hit her younger sibling while playing. Her explanation in defence was, “We are playing ‘mommy”. We all aspire to become perfect parents for our kids because we want to inculcate values in them that would make them better human beings. But the larger and the more significant question is do we exhibit that kind of discipline in our behaviour? We expect our children to use modern-day gadgets judiciously but do we supervise our use of these products? We want our kids to watch their words and actions when angry but do we manage our anger appropriately? We want our kids to show decorum and discipline with their daily routine but are we exhibiting ourselves as an example to do the same? Dr Haim Ginott, a renowned child psychologist, pointed out, “Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.” If we give the child an environment of hostility he is more likely to learn to fight. An environment of ridicule and shame can lead to the child resulting being shy and guilty. But similarly, if the child had always lived with tolerance, he learns to become more patient. If he has always received praise, he learns the virtue of appreciation. What is important during the child’s growing years is that we model the kind of behaviour we expect our children to be. It is impossible to not be stressed or angry under circumstances. But when the parents manage their stress and anger appropriately, the message is loud and clear to the kids that it is normal to feel negative at times but it is only the positive attitude towards solving these problems that reap good results. Parents should ‘speak’ and ‘do’ what they expect out of their children. Saying statements like. “I love all kinds of food”, “I love playing outdoors”, “Let’s clean up the mess together”, “Let’s help little brother/sister with eating the food”. These kinds of statements bring about assurance in the kids and before indulging in the wrong they are forced to do what think what they have been taught. The brains of children are like sponges. They absorb everything without discriminating information into right or wrong. Let's set ourselves as better examples for our children. Let's exhibit what we want our children to be.

Are we exhibiting what we want our kids to be? Call it a harsh reality but children rarely learn from what we preach, they learn from our actions.

Children See Children Learn - The pillar of parenting

Being a positive role model for your child can help instil the right attitude and habits from an early age for your child to nurture a healthy lifestyle.

Children See Children Learn ~The pillar of parenting

In a joint family, every member takes their turn to nurture and nourish the child. Joint families are a boon to working parents or otherwise too. Children get to learn to respond and interact with others, adapt to changes and people. Raising a child in a joint family also becomes a bit easier on the mother because of the whole support system. Like every coin has two sides, bringing up a child in a joint family also has its own set of pros and cons. <ul><li>A joint family has too many authoritative figures which usually can give contradicting signals to a child. In a joint family, the same message should come from all the adults in the family. If jumping on the bed is not allowed, then the same message should come from both parents and grandparents.</li><li>It Is given that the parenting styles of grandparents and parents are going to differ. And when the differences arise, children are quick to catch those. So whenever you feel conflicts arising, it is better to sit down and talk about the differences when the child is NOT around. Set ground rules about raising your child.</li><li>In a joint family, a child learns good family values from the elder family members.</li><li>Children in a joint family are less hooked on gadgets as everyone in the family is ready to cater to their needs, be it emotional, social, physical, or in academics.</li><li>Making decisions for a child might get conflicting in the joint families as the grandparents tend to impose their thoughts and opinions. Sure, at times the help and insights are great but at the end of the day, it is solely the right of parents to decide the best for their child.</li></ul> In the end, it is up to parents to weigh the pros and cons of raising a child in joint and nuclear families and then decide what’s best for their child(ren).

A joint family is a large family where the grandparents, father, mother, uncle, aunt and their children live unitedly under one roof.

Parenting in a Joint Family | Types of Family

A joint family is a large family where the grandparents, father, mother, uncle, aunt and their children live unitedly under one roof.

Parenting in a Joint Family

The following tips will help you manage your twins/triplets efficiently: <ul><li>Stick to a schedule</li></ul>Maintain a common schedule for the children. If one wakes up from a nap, wake up the other. If one is hungry and wants to eat, feed the other child as well. Scheduling both the children together will keep you sane and help you get proper sleep as well. <ul><li>Feed at the same time</li></ul>It is important to learn to breastfeed both babies at the same time. If you are feeding on the bottles, it is easier to have two spots to seat them. Breastfeed or bottle-feed, prepare ahead of the feed (a breastfeeding pillow, bottles, burp cloths, pumped breastmilk or formula and a snack for yourself). After feeding, burp the babies one by one. By the time the second (or third) baby has been fed, burped, and changed, the first one's often hungry - and the cycle begins all over again. In the beginning, breastfeeding two babies at the same time can be difficult. It is best to consult a lactation nurse on the days when you are still in the hospital. A nurse will help you try different breastfeeding positions so by the time you are home with your kids, you can apply the one that suits you and your child the best. When one of the babies wakes up to be fed in the middle of the night, wake up the other one after you're done with the first baby. It's hard to wake a sleeping baby, but if you don't, you will be constantly tending to babies and not getting any sleep. <ul><li>Bath twice</li></ul>Bathe your babies turn by turn. If you have an infant chair, put one of your babies in the chair beside you while you bathe the other child. When you are done with one baby, switch the places. Bath seats are also available in the market; these seats make the bathing process easier. <ul><li>Know who is who</li></ul>In the early days of twin parenting, it is natural to mix up your babies. You can dab a dot of nail polish on one of your baby's toes or fingers to avoid confusion. You can tie a wristband to one of your babies. See what works the best for you. <ul><li>Crying times two</li></ul>More often than not, both of your babies will cry at the same time. It is difficult to find out what soothes your babies. What works for one might not work for the other. Figure out if cuddling, cradling, singing, caressing works for your babies or not. <ul><li>Share the duties</li></ul>Ask for help; it can be difficult but ask away. It will be for your own peace. Delegate your tasks to your spouse or your other family members. You can hire a caretaker as well for some time till you figure out how to go about twin parenting. Delegating your tasks will give you time to bond with your babies. Communication is the key; if you feel one parent is taking up more responsibilities, talk it out. <ul><li>Preparing your house for your babies</li></ul>Baby proof your house in every possible way. Set up a changing station including diapers, wipes, and extra baby clothes. If you have a house with more levels, make sure to arrange changing stations, baby chairs at all levels. That way you can avoid running up and down the stairs every time one of the babies spits up or needs to be changed. <ul><li>Bond with your Babies</li></ul>It might take you more time to bond with your babies compared to parents of singletons. Most of your time will be eaten up in fulfilling your babies' needs. But the more time you spend with your babies, the more you will know them and connect with them. <ul><li>Celebrate their individuality</li></ul>It's important to treat your babies as individuals so that they begin to see themselves that way too. Refer to them by their names rather than as "the twins," and as they get older, make sure they have their own clothes and special toys. <ul><li>Plan quality time individually</li></ul>Plan quality time separately for your babies. Sit and talk to them, read a book, or play a game with your babies. The goal is to give each child life experiences that are fun and appropriate for them. Twins are very dependent upon each other in the early years. Spending some time apart will help them develop separate identities and help them understand their likes and dislikes. <ul><li>Respect your children</li></ul>Every child has different needs hence it is important to cater to their individual needs than being fair when raising twins. It is okay if you don't buy the same gifts or clothes for your twins or treat them in the same manner. Respecting the similarities and differences of each child fosters a real and healthy sense of self. <ul><li>Consider possessions &amp; twin identity</li></ul>Possessions help children form a sense of identity. Some separate clothes, toys, books, blankets, etc. reinforce separateness and ownership. Each child needs some possessions that do not have to be shared. This can be achieved by giving each child a special cupboard or space on a shelf. <ul><li>Be cautious about making comparisons.</li></ul>The comparison comes naturally to parents, knowingly or unknowingly. With twins, it becomes even more tempting to do so. Every child develops at their own pace hence it is best not to compare twins. Comparisons easily discourage a child or create a situation where (s)he feels less smart, capable, attractive or loved. What to invest in and what to save on?Babies Can Share:<ul><li>Changing table</li><li>Playpen or portable crib</li><li>Baby bathtub</li><li>Nursing pillow</li><li>Breast pump</li><li>Baby monitor</li><li>Double or triple stroller</li><li>Stationary activity centre</li><li>Activity mat</li></ul> Separate Baby Needs:<ul><li>Car seat</li><li>Infant seat</li><li>Bassinet</li><li>Crib</li><li>Swing</li><li>Diaper bag</li><li>High chair</li><li>Front carrier</li></ul>

It can be a little tricky to raise twins or triplets. But with time, you sure will figure out everything. The following tips will help you manage your twins efficiently.

Parenting hacks by experts on raising twins

It can be a little tricky to raise twins or triplets. But with time, you sure will figure out everything.

It is impossible for a parent to not get angry with children during their parenting journey. The out of sorts behaviour and tantrums of a child may lead to a parent getting angry hitting the child. But remember, hitting not only hurts the child physically but also emotionally. Hitting your child is not acceptable no matter the circumstances. Bringing a child into this world was your decision, not anyone else’s. Even if your child is at fault, you cannot hit your child. (S)he is not your guinea pig to take your aggression out on.<ul><li>Whenever you hit a child, reflect on your actions and ask yourself, “Did I hit my child because of his/her wrongdoing or was it just my frustration and aggression that I took it out on him/her?”</li><li>If it was your aggression, you need to solve your issues because if once you have hit your child, it will soon turn into a habit.</li></ul> Hitting makes a child stubborn and a rebel. The child will start developing negative emotions about the parent and this will ruin your long term relation with your child. Moreover, when you hit your child, the child learns that the only way to get our things done is through violence. Hence, they too will depict this behaviour in the future.Same goes for aggressive language. The words spoken in haste and anger have a long lasting damage. Once in awhile, if you shout on your child for their mistakes, it is okay but you cannot do this every time. If you shout on them always, you will receive the dose of your behaviour from your child in future. Parents sometimes hit children for the following reasons:<ul><li>To temporarily control bad behaviour.</li><li>To teach discipline.</li><li>Venting out frustration of spouse or family members.</li><li>When a child misbehaves in public.</li></ul> Parents feel guilty about the situation later and regret hitting the child. On the other hand, a child feels that (s)he is being treated in an unjust and unfair manner. This form of treatment can inculcate feelings of anger, humiliation, aggression, and fear. It may make the child feel very normal about physical violence. This is how you can be a calm parent:<ul><li>See if your breathing is normal. If not, try coming to the normal breathing pattern. Reflect, if you are reacting or responding to the situation. When you get under control, your kids will also calm down. Make a commitment and remind yourself to not vent out anger in haste.</li><li>Do not shout or raise your voice, if you speak calmly, you will feel calm and also receive calm response. Remember you are a role model for your child.</li><li>Move away from the child physically so that you are not tempted to touch or hit the child.</li><li>If your child is too young to be left alone, go to the kitchen and keep your hands under water.</li><li>Sit on a couch with your child and ask what made him/her misbehave in the situation, explain the impact and consequences of their actions.</li><li>Identify and avoid getting angry on routine habits like shoes in the living room, toys around the bed. Instead play a game to sort out these little things.</li><li>Have a glass of water.</li><li>Talk about the issue when both you and your child have calmed down.</li><li>Take your partner’s help.</li><li>If nothing helps, it might be good to talk to a counsellor.</li></ul>

It is impossible for a parent to not get angry with children during their parenting journey. Maintain your cool and things will get back to normal.

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