Palak Vyas

Babies putting things in their mouths, otherwise known as mouthing, is not only normal, but also signals a growing interest in the world around them. In the first year, children explore their surroundings through their senses - seeing, touching, hearing, smelling, and tasting. The more they explore, the more they learn. But be careful about the following things:<ul><li>Keep the child away from choking hazardous things/toys. Provide them with bigger toys with smooth edges so that children do not swallow the toys.</li><li>Try and replace the items that are not safe in their hands either with some eatables or any other better option. Distraction is the key.</li><li>Constantly taking away things from their hands will only result into rebellious stubborn behaviour, rather gently distract them by giving suitable things and toys.</li></ul>

Mouthing or putting everything in mouth is very common. It signals growth so do not worry much.

Mouthing

You may be coping up with financial challenges of managing your career or climbing up the corporate ladder, parenting is something where most people are stuck. Raising a child with both parents working is indeed a challenging task. But, do not worry, a research shows that having a working mother has no impact on children’s happiness in adulthood. Also, children of working mums and dads are often successful in their later careers. The key here is to divide the household chores and child’s responsibilities equally among both the partners. For example if the mother is cooking food, the father should help with the dishes or vice versa. Similarly, if there’s a meeting or function to be attended in the child’s school, both the parents should do it alternatively. It should fall on to any one of the parents’ shoulders. Things to take into consideration here are:<ul><li>Work timings of both the parents: Say for example if the father has to report to work early in the morning, it is obvious that he won’t be able to take up the household chores in the morning. If the child has to go to school in the morning, the mother will have to look after that if she has the time in hand.</li><li>Work profile of both the parents: Say for example, if the work profile of the mother is stronger than the father and requires more time, then the free time that the mother gets should be first devoted to the child and then to the household chores. Or the mother can opt to do the household chores along with the child. This will help her to bind with the child better.&nbsp;</li><li>Both the partners should be mature enough to understand the above two points and work in the direction in which both the parents get equal amount of quality time to spend with the child.</li><li>Make sure that the time which you are spending with the child should be quality time. play family games post dinner, go for a walk together. A weekly ritual of spending the day on a day off also does wonders. Take the opportunity to learn about their interests, what is going on in their schools and classes, how are things with their friends, if there is anything that’s bothering them, etc.</li><li>In all these, do not forget to spend alone time with your partner. You both are each other’s strongest pillars. Once in a while, plan family outings so everyone is just having fun with each other by leaving behind the worries.</li><li>If your partner is not helping you share the responsibilities of the house and of the child, talk to your partner calmly and make them understand that you cannot do this single handed and it might take a toll on your mental health.</li><li>Make them understand that for healthy family dynamics, you will need their full support in everything.</li><li>In case if you are not able to sort it out, you can take counsellor’s help to resolve the situation between both of you.</li></ul> What can be done to reduce the burden on working parents other than sharing the responsibilities:<ul><li>Find a quality Day care: Find good, trustworthy, hygienic day care for your child. This will help you stay at peace and focus on your work at office. Also, ensure it offers flexible hours. In case if the grandparents are available and are ready and healthy enough to take care of your child, that option can also be considered.</li><li>Have a good morning routine: This is extremely important for working parents as a haphazard morning can spoil both your and the child’s day. Spend some time while brushing teeth together, give a long and refreshing shower, have breakfast together and a little conversation while you drop the child at school/bus/van.</li><li>Stay organised: Prepare everything a night before, pack the bag, chop vegetables, have a menu for breakfast. This will give you enough time to spend with your child.</li><li>Take good care of yourself: When you are tired and stretched, it gets difficult to manage both work and home. Have some ‘me time’ wake up a little early – exercise or go for a walk in green surroundings. A healthy body and healthy mind will keep you fit and energetic for the day.</li><li>Take help whenever required: You can always seek assistance from parents or grandparents. Offer car pooling for evening activity class on a busy day at work and arrange for a play date for children over the weekend.</li><li>Avoid planning to give equal time for both: You cannot practically do that because some days are extremely busy at work and sometimes baby’s health/education will need an extra attention. Flexibility at work and home is the key to strike the right balance.</li><li>Be a smart cook: you can boil 2 – 3 types of lentils on weekends and stuff them in refrigerator, this will save your cooking time on weekdays and spare time to spend with your kids. If your finances allow, outsource certain tasks like cleaning, cooking etc.</li><li>Discipline sleep schedule: The efforts should not be to wake up early; the efforts should be about sleeping on time. Spend more bedtime with kids and wake up early together. Share small household chores with your kid(s).</li></ul>

When both the parents are working, it becomes a tad bit difficult to manage work, household chores, and spending time with the child.

Working parents and Responsibilities

When our kids are asking such questions, it's time to consider the importance of such conversations. Do not panic or get aggressive when your child asks any question which is related to his/her body parts. It is totally normal for a child to ask any such questions. This comes out of their curiosity or from something they have heard or seen or read.Before providing any information, ensure it to be age-appropriate and consider your child’s individual maturity and sensitivity. Consider the following points while talking to them: <ol><li>Talk about it: Grab any opportunity that comes up naturally or you utilise bathing time or dressing time. Give them little pieces of information on body parts. Instead of directly pointing to their private parts, show them the importance of each body part and within the conversation, you can include the concept of private parts. That would look natural and normal to them. It sends them a message that talking about private parts is not something that is shameful. Introduce them to the real names of private parts like penis, vagina, vulva, and buttocks so they can talk to you or the doctor when they need to.</li><li>Safety and consent: Make them understand the concept of private parts like mouth, breast (chest), penis, vagina, vulva, buttocks. Let them know it is for their safety and no one should touch their private parts without their consent. You can explain to them that mom and dad can help them wash their private parts and at times doctors and nurses can touch them with a parent by their side for clinical purposes. Other than that no one is allowed to see and touch their private parts.</li><li>Stay calm and deal wisely: Whenever your child has such a question about private parts or nudity, explain them calmly and wisely. Explain to them that they can talk about it but in personal space with someone they trust.</li><li>Emphasise that these parts are called private parts because they belong to them. Tell them that privacy needs to be maintained. One must set boundaries and likewise respect boundaries too. Explain to them that even they should not be touching or seeing any one’s private parts.</li><li>Stay open: As a parent, stay open for your children so they can come to you at any time and ask whatever they want to. Make them feel comfortable, safe and secure.</li><li>Good touch, bad touch: Explain the difference between good touch and bad touch. Hugging, holding hands, kissing on the forehead, patting shoulders comes as a good touch. While if anyone tries to kiss their mouth, touches their private parts, gets closer to them inappropriately and forcibly tries to embrace them, it comes under the bad touch.</li><li>Control their media exposure: Be vigilant about the media they are consuming. Video games, TV shows and movies- these all are going to have some impact on your child.</li><li>Keep talking and inquiring on a regular basis about what is happening in your child’s life. Do not laugh or giggle. Do not react with anger. Do not make them feel ashamed. Listen to your child’s responses and reactions.</li></ol>

Talking about private parts and sex has always been uncomfortable for parents more than children. Relax, it is going to be easy.

Talking about private parts with your child

When a toddler asks you a question, either it comes out of curiosity or it could be just attention seeking. Figure out if your child needs your undivided attention. If yes, please give proper attention. In the times of social media and technology all around, a child misses that personal time with parents and so (s)he might be asking questions in an attempt that you pay attention to them.But Sometimes it is just curiosity. For a few initial years, a&nbsp;child comes across so many things that (s)he hasn’t seen or heard about. So, (s)he will have a few questions almost everyday. It is always best&nbsp;to satisfy their curiosity and never shush them. The problem arises when they ask too many questions which ultimately annoys parents to a limit that they lose patience. How do deal with this:<ul><li>Acknowledge their questions and postpone it&nbsp;until a more convenient&nbsp;time. For example your child doesn’t eat spinach and asks you why should he eat, you can say, “I understand you don’t like it but let’s talk about its value after dinner. You have it now and i will tell you how it has benefited you, when we talk”. You need to answer them later without fail on due time.</li><li>Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know.” Sometimes parents get exhausted trying to come up with answers to all the questions a child has, particularly when they don’t know anything about that field. In such cases, tell them, “That is a great question. I don't know exactly about it right now but we can find out later this night or on the weekend. Whenever you postpone, be specific about the timings and discuss about it. Stick to your own words.</li><li>How about asking them questions instead of getting angry and shooing them away.For example, when the child asks why should (s)he be eating spinach. Ask him what does (s)he think will happen if (s)he does not eat it. If your child asks why can’t (s)he have ice cream when he is suffering from cold, ask him what does (s)he think would happen if (s)he eats.</li><li>Keep cool when you say that. Be ready and patient to listen to their answers.</li><li>You can also make a list of questions or ask them to do so on a sheet of paper, notebook or on stick pad on fridge. Fix a convenient time in a week and solve their queries.</li><li>All these things can take a lot of time. But by doing this you are encouraging their curiosity. In case if you have 20 questions at the end of the week, ask your child to select 10 first. Like this you will know about their thought process and ideas too.</li></ul>

When a toddler asks you a question, either it comes out of curiosity or it could be just attention seeking. Whatever is the case, it is always best to feed your child's curiosity and give them undivided attention.

Being patient with child’s numerous questions.

Samiksha Choithani

Car sickness is usually caused as the brain receives conflicting information from inner ears, eyes and nerves. The child cannot see outside the car but can feel the motion. This conflicting situation can lead to upset stomach, fatigue, loss of appetite and vomiting.Here is what you can do to prevent it:<ul><li>Guide the child to look outside instead of using phone, playing game or reading a book. If the child can sleep during travelling, it is the best.</li><li>Plan your child’s meal before travelling, avoid giving too much of food or oily or spicy food before travelling. Give them plain or simple food like upma or khichdi or daal-rice.</li><li>Candies will provide relief during nausea (vomiting sensation), try to give them ginger candies if available.</li><li>Distract the child or keep them busy talking to them about the trip or play his/her favourite music or sing rhymes together.</li><li>If you are talking a long road trip take medicines prescribed by your paediatrician and take frequent breaks during the long journey.</li><li>If your child gets car sick, immediately stop the car and take them out, walk around, place a cool napkin on child’s head.</li></ul>

Getting car sick is very common in adults as well as among children. If your child has a history getting car sick, it is better to go for other travelling options. If it is completely unavoidable, few measures might help your child feel better.

Caring for car sick children

If you are separated, it means the child is staying with one of the parents. For positive co-parenting, talk about the positives of your partner so that the child does not develop any negativity about the parent with whom (s)he not staying.Separation results because both the partners cannot work things out smoothly. But just because you could not form a positive rapport with your partner, does not mean that your child will also be not able to stay with your partner. Both the parents need to realise that inflicting negative thoughts about each other is not the way to co-parent. <ul><li>When your child is young, divide the child’s time equally between both the parents. Plan outings where child gets to spend the time with both the parents. This will also give you a chance to understand each other’s parenting opinions and styles. As the child grows, let the child decide that with whom (s)he wants to stay.</li><li>If the reason behind your separation was your partner’s physical or verbal abuse, only then keep a tab about how the time your child spends with your partner affects the child.</li><li>If you observe that your partner’s behaviour is affecting your child negatively, talk to this about your child and voice your concern to them. Once you have talked to your child only then take the necessary steps of say reducing the time your child spends with your partner or anything which you seem fit for your child.</li></ul>

Co-parenting after separation can be difficult to manage but it needs to be worked out between the husband and the wife for the sake of the child.

Co-parenting your child

Every child needs full attention of a parent. While you are busy with the younger one, your elder child will experience a range of emotions, from excitement to jealousy or may be responsible and caring. In order to seek your attention, the elder child may show more tantrums or misbehave or refuse to eat. These emotions are short-lived but if not addressed well can have lasting impact on a child’s mind. Here are a few ways to make sure that your elder child does not feel neglected:<ul><li>Let them not feel left out: Take an extra care to ensure that the elder child never feels neglected (unintentionally though). Ask their suggestions for picking up clothes for newborn, choosing the toys for little one and more. Make sure you spend equal time with both the kids</li><li>Avoid giving excuses: Never make the younger one an excuse for not attending the elder child – “we can’t go to the park/playground as the baby is sleeping” “Keep quiet the baby will wake up” “After I attend the baby, I will listen to you” Instead tell him/her , “ We will play together when the baby wakes up, We will go to the park together May be giving a hope and the feeling of togetherness will help the child.</li><li>Pay more attention: Express extra care and love for elder one, increase your daily hugs and play some games or increase story time for the elder one.</li><li>Avoid comparing: This comes unintentionally but it can have a strategic impact on a child’s mind. Little things like who crawled first, child’s weight or who walked first can be taken as criticism by the elder one.</li></ul> Ensure both the children get equal attention and feel loved.

Every child needs full attention of a parent. So, pause and reflect on your parenting to make sure none of your children feel left out.

Managing sibling insecurity

Children are active human beings. They want to walk, run, and climb anywhere and everywhere. Choosing the footwear which provides them with proper grip and balance is very important. <ul><li>Socks: Even when babies have not started walking, you can buy socks for them for protection from cold. Select socks made up of natural breathable fibres like wool and cotton. Never invest in 100% nylon material.</li><li>Soft and comfortable: The first shoes should be soft and comfortable; the baby should be able to feel his feet through the shoes.</li><li>Let it be lightweight and proper fit; not too tight but not that loose that it comes out while the child is walking.</li><li>Slippers of your child should properly fit at the toes so that they have a good grip.</li><li>Velcro fasteners are better than anything else because they are easy to wear and easy to remove.</li><li>Ensure the soles or bottoms of the shoes are not slippery. It should stay firm and hold the ground properly so that the child can maintain his/her balance.</li><li>Seams and edges should be soft.</li><li>Space near the toes should be wide enough so that the child can wiggle his/her toes easily.</li><li>Check the shoes after every 6 to 8 weeks for the right fit.</li><li>Make sure the shoes have proper padding on the heel backs, around the ankles and in the bottom inside.</li><li>Keep on checking babies’ toes regularly.</li></ul> Allow your child to walk barefoot wherever it is possible. They find perfect balance and grip by walking bare feet.

Footwear plays a major role in balance and grip of a child.

Guidelines to choose shoes for babies

Ravina Sewani

Choking is caused due to an object — usually food or a toy — getting stuck in the airway. Because of this, the air can't flow normally into or out of the lungs, so the child can't breathe properly. Most of the time, the food or object only partially blocks the trachea, which gets removed by the coughing and breathing returns to normal quickly.&nbsp;It's best to do nothing. Watch the child carefully and make sure he or she recovers completely. The child will likely be fine after a good coughing spell. Don't reach into the mouth to grab the object or even pat the child on the back. Either of these steps could push the object farther down the airway and make the situation worse. Stay with the child and remain calm until the episode passes. Sometimes, an object completely blocks the airway. If airflow into and out of the lungs is blocked and the brain is deprived of oxygen, choking can become a life-threatening emergency. A child may need immediate medical help if (s)he:<ul><li>Can't breathe</li><li>Is gasping or wheezing</li><li>Can't talk, cry, or make noise</li><li>Turns blue</li><li>Grabs at his or her throat or waves arms</li><li>Appears panicked</li><li>Becomes limp or unconscious</li></ul> Until the help arrives:<ul><li>In these cases, if you've been trained, immediately start abdominal thrusts, the standard rescue procedure for choking.</li><li>Start CPR (Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation) right away, if you've been trained in it. If you can see the object in mouth, only then remove the object.</li><li>If you have not been trained, and no one else is available who has been, wait until help arrives.</li></ul> Prevention:<ul><li>All kids are at risk for choking, but those younger than 3 are especially at risk. Young kids tend to put things in their mouths, have smaller airways that are easily blocked, and don't have a lot of experience chewing, so they might swallow things whole.&nbsp;</li><li>Avoid foods that pose choking risks.</li><li>At mealtime, be sure to serve a child's food in small bites.</li><li>Teach kids to sit down for all meals and snacks and not to talk or laugh with food in their mouths.</li><li>Toys and household items also can be choking hazards. Choose safe, age-appropriate toys. Always follow the manufacturer's age recommendations.</li><li>Take the time now to become prepared. CPR and first-aid courses are a must for parents, other caregivers, and babysitters.</li></ul>

Choking is caused due to an object — usually food or a toy — getting stuck in the airway. Because of this, the air can't flow normally into or out of the lungs, so the child can't breathe properly.

parenting concerns

Parenting issues are a part of the everyday parenting journey. Following article(s) might help you with your concern(s).