Samiksha Choithani

Dr Ajab Primuswala

Nightmares/unpleasant (bad) dreams are common among preschoolers as this is the age when they start understanding about normal fears and their imagination is highly active. These unpleasant dreams disrupt child’s sleep and causes distress. Nightmares usually occur in the middle of the night or early morning. According to science, dreams are just a representation of what has been put in our brains. If the child is watching too many violent games or action thrillers or if (s)he has had a fight with friends/family members, (s)he can have bad dreams. Sometimes a verbal fight during the day with anybody can convert into violent dream. As a child, the unpleasant dream is mostly related to ghosts, witches or may be losing both or either of the parents. When they express this, be very sure and precise about how you are going to go ahead with this information and you should assess what kind of surrounding they are being a part of. When your child gets startled and wakes up from sleep:<ul><li>The first thing to do when they wake up startled because of a bad dream, is to give them a warm hug and tell them that you are always around them and so there is no need to worry. Ask them to openly express whatever they have gone through or felt in the dream. This is the basic thing which you can do to calm your child during and after their unpleasant dream.</li><li>Switch on some lights, dark rooms are scary for children. It can help them go back to sleep.</li></ul> There are three ways of knowing whether your child is having unpleasant dreams or not:<ol><li>The first is if the child wakes up in the middle of the night and starts screaming and is disturbed.</li><li>The second if the child suddenly starts clenching his teeth in sleep. The child is irritated, restless and may keep twisting and turning through the night.</li><li>The third thing can be that the child wakes up in the morning and expresses that (s)he has had a bad dream and gives you the details.</li></ol> In all the three cases just work the following things out:&nbsp;<ol><li>What's the child’s schedule and how the child is doing what the child is doing. Is there something which the child is viewing which is not so comfortable for the child?</li><li>Keep a continuous record of the things happening because children as young as 1 or 1.5 years start observing some cartoons on the television which have negative characters coming in, which might disturb them.&nbsp;Later on, they start seeing these cartoons as a part of their dreams and get scared. So you should keep a check on the kind of media they consume.</li><li>Another possibility could be, there might be something in the surrounding which is being talked about and they are not okay with it. May be as parents, you might be discussing something negative in front of them which they are reciprocating in their dreams.</li><li>One more concern could be, whether you are fighting in front of your children. Are you taking out your anger or rage in front of them? The child may start channelising your anger in their dreams. They may dream about ghosts or death and if they are expressing any such thing, you can analyse those expressions.</li></ol> Here are a few ways to avoid nightmares:<ul><li>Have a regular bed time schedule.</li><li>Try to give a sound and pleasant atmosphere to your child at home.</li><li>Snuggle your child while putting them to sleep, read good stories and talk about pleasant events.</li><li>Avoid scary movies, TV shows or threatening stories before bed time.</li><li>Also ensure that you not talking about any unpleasant event to other family members in presence of the child.</li></ul>

Nightmares/unpleasant (bad) dreams are common among preschoolers as this is the age when they start understanding about normal fears and their imagination is highly active.

Child experiencing unpleasant dreams

Proper measures post the shock without panicking will be helpful. Stay calm and help your child in the best way you can. <ul><li>Electric shocks among children are quite common in a residential setup, hence children are prone to low voltage shocks. Child suffering from electric shock may not have an external injury, however burns may be visible.</li><li>Hands, heels and head are the most common parts that will get into direct connection with the electric points during the occurrence of electric shock</li><li>In case the child feels difficulty in breathing, chest pain or abdominal pain there are high chances of internal injuries.</li><li>There are high chances of shock in mouth as children have a habit of biting electrical cord; this may cause burn on lip. If it’s a major shock, immediately rush to the doctor. Do not worry if there are no noticeable burns on skin (redness or sore lips), minor shock injury will heal naturally. If the child is breathing normally and not complaining about any pain that means the child is safe.</li></ul>

Proper measures post the shock without panicking will be helpful. Stay calm and help your child in the best way you can.

Emergency situation with children: Electric shock

Juhi Mishra

Every child needs full attention of a parent. While you are busy with the younger one, your elder child will experience a range of emotions, from excitement to jealousy or may be responsible and caring. In order to seek your attention, the elder child may show more tantrums or misbehave or refuse to eat. These emotions are short-lived but if not addressed well can have lasting impact on a child’s mind. Here are a few ways to make sure that your elder child does not feel neglected:<ul><li>Let them not feel left out: Take an extra care to ensure that the elder child never feels neglected (unintentionally though). Ask their suggestions for picking up clothes for newborn, choosing the toys for little one and more. Make sure you spend equal time with both the kids</li><li>Avoid giving excuses: Never make the younger one an excuse for not attending the elder child – “we can’t go to the park/playground as the baby is sleeping” “Keep quiet the baby will wake up” “After I attend the baby, I will listen to you” Instead tell him/her , “ We will play together when the baby wakes up, We will go to the park together May be giving a hope and the feeling of togetherness will help the child.</li><li>Pay more attention: Express extra care and love for elder one, increase your daily hugs and play some games or increase story time for the elder one.</li><li>Avoid comparing: This comes unintentionally but it can have a strategic impact on a child’s mind. Little things like who crawled first, child’s weight or who walked first can be taken as criticism by the elder one.</li></ul> Ensure both the children get equal attention and feel loved.

Every child needs full attention of a parent. So, pause and reflect on your parenting to make sure none of your children feel left out.

Managing sibling insecurity

<ul><li>Stubbornness is a quality which everyone has. We use it as and when required. So when a child is stubborn, the child has his/her own views where (s)he is stuck up strongly. It means that they don’t want to listen to others; they have their own criteria and they want to follow it. They are in an age where they want to try and explore what they feel is correct.</li></ul> <ul><li>Let's take an example of food; food is topic where most of the parents find difficulty in handling their child. As a parent, we want them to eat healthy and nutritious food whereas they want to eat junk food like pizza and pasta.</li></ul> <ul><li>One of the methods to deal with stubbornness is negotiation. We can negotiate with them. For example, you can tell them that if they want to eat junk food they can have it once a week and the rest of the days they will have to follow your schedule. But then let them decide which day they want. You don’t dictate the day for them. Give them the liberty to select the day and the kind of junk food they prefer. Let it be home made preferably. Once in a while, you can take them to dine out as well. As a parent, we know all the pros and cons of the situation but they don’t. They learn by trial and error method and they tend to get distracted as well. You can always have limited control over their choices if they are too distracted.</li></ul> <ul><li>But when it comes to academics, negotiation may not work always. Like a child can come up with, “I don't want to study now”. “I will do this on my time.” “In such cases, we can’t allow them because we know that time is running out. So for this we can help them create a timetable, where primarily they have to create the timetable and you just have to stay around helping them. Keep in mind that timetable is not a sure shot thing that will be followed thoroughly. It can be trial and error method. But at least the children know the time boundaries which will help them.</li></ul> <ul><li>The other important thing is that stubbornness doesn’t come alone; it brings misbehaviour hand in hand. Now when you know your child is stubborn and misbehaving, you can’t deliberately put them into any awkward condition. Do not make them feel socially awkward. For example, if there are guests around and you force your child to greet them. The child might react in a way which might be humiliating to you also, by back answering, by disobeying, making a scene in front of the guests. As a mature adult, to avoid this, you can say, “There are guests around, if you feel like just greet them.” And then leave it up to them. Don’t make it as a compulsion. Give them a liberty of choice.&nbsp;At the same time keep saying that what you would like them to do.</li></ul> <ul><li>Up to certain extent, this will give them a choice of thought process which will mellow them down and put them in strata where they will be able to make their choices. Once it might be unhealthy but at a later stage they will learn from their mistakes and they would become a better person as compared to their stubborn behaviour.</li></ul> <ul><li>When you talk about stubbornness, it is also a lot about “Ego”. We all have ego and with maturity, we learn how to deal with it or overcome it. With children they don’t have this filter. For them it is always a question about their ego and so they get stubborn at every point. They don’t know how to control this behaviour. So at times when you start express stubborn behaviour in terms of commands, rules, or instructions, they feel that this is the only way a person can cope or deal with things. Irrespective of the situation, never behave stubbornly in front of them. Don’t put your point in a stubborn manner. You can explain the reasons behind your instructions which will help them understand the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behaviour.</li></ul> <ul><li>Give them options. Of course they can’t keep doing things they like in their manner, but giving them multiple options and showing possibilities of ways of doing things, will solve the problem to a great extent.</li></ul> <ul><li>By giving multiple options, they will not feel stuck and feel the liberty of choosing their preferences, satisfying their ego also, so it becomes easier to work with them.</li></ul>

All humans are stubborn more or less. That does not mean, you cannot teach your child to put their foot down and patiently listen what the other person has to say.

Dealing with a stubborn child

<ul><li>It is important to understand the psychological reasons behind why does a child back answers every time you tell him/her something.</li><li>Whenever you notice that your child is back answering, the first thing&nbsp;to do is observe your own behaviour with them subjectively. A child always models your behaviour.</li><li>Look for incidents or triggers which motivates them to back-answer or not to listen to you.</li><li>When you talk about your misbehaving child, look for any circumstances which they are not able to make you understand, look for their requirements or their hidden feelings and emotions.</li><li>Sometimes a child is unhappy because of some dispute with their siblings or friends and is unable to do anything about it or unable to talk about it, in that case (s)he may come to you and shower in his/her frustration in terms of back answers or misbehaviour. Here, a child is either thinking of not reacting or is unable to express their feelings and so this&nbsp;acted as one of the triggers to misbehave.</li><li>As a parent we usually command them to do certain things, we don’t even try to understand their needs, their feelings and emotions, what would they appreciate. We just look at our perspective as adults and go ahead with it. So the child can misbehave to prove his/her point. Sometimes they know that their behaviour is not appropriate but they would still continue to do so just to prove their point.</li><li>Age factor plays a major role in understanding a child’s misbehaviour or back answering. If the child is too young, say 3 or 4 years and is misbehaving, they might have some unmet needs. They are seeking your attention and trying to grab you more in this negative&nbsp;manner. The need could be as simple as sleep or hunger but they don't understand themselves so they are unable to convey it correctly.</li><li>For a 5-8 year child, by misbehaving they are trying to lure you or trying to bring your attention towards them. The reason could be a lack of proper communication. You may feel that you talk to your child all day and night but no! What you might be doing is just giving guidance and giving commands or pointing out their mistakes. For example “Did you finish your work?” “Stop banging the door”! “see! You forgot to flush the toilet”. There is no communication.</li><li>Communication means even you are listening to them rather than just giving commands or pointing mistakes or doing interrogation. Irrespective of age, communication is extremely important for your child.</li><li>So rather than scolding, getting irritated or upset with them, calm them down. Make them sit. First lower down your voice, ask them to talk to you in soft manner. If they feel that they are disturbed, ask them to calm down for a while and leave them for a while. Leave them with a calming thought.</li><li>Give them time to reflect on their behaviour. Don’t start commanding or being their boss, saying, "Stop doing this”! “You can’t do this to me”. By doing so you are giving them the image that it is okay to shout, it is okay to back-answer. You don’t want them to learn this from you, right?</li><li>The behaviour you want from your child should come first from you. If you feel you aren’t giving enough space, give them space. If the issue is about giving time, give them enough time. Time here&nbsp;doesn’t mean watching TV or playing video games with them.&nbsp;Giving time means planning an activity for spending quality time where you both are involved in the process. The child should enjoy that time with you, The child should enjoy being with you and communicating with you. Teaching them, making them learn, going on long drives would not count here. Before doing any activity for quality time, make sure your child likes it, talk to them and know their viewpoint.</li><li>What a child wants, is to sit beside you, talk to you about their fancy ideas, wants you to hear their school and bus stories, their teacher’s talks and all about what is happening in their life.</li><li>Usually, we tend to overlook these criteria where a child is having some issues outside the house, either in school, with batch mates, with peers, or someone in the surroundings or there could be a pressure of studies as well. Study pressure is not only during board exams but it may be their own expectations towards their own selves.</li><li>Just verbalise it, bring it to point, explain them and still if they misbehave try to find the root cause rather than just shouting back at them.</li></ul>

Back answering is not just a misbehaviour of your child. There might be underlying reasons for that.

Teaching child not to back answer

Ravina Sewani

Every individual has a different nature. When you believe that your partner is aggressive, that is their nature. And in very rare cases, can anyone change other person’s nature.<ul><li>When you notice that your child is being affected negatively because of your partner’s behaviour, you need to share this concern with your spouse. Tell your spouse calmly that because of their behaviour, your child is getting affected. While doing so, be careful to not do this in front of your child. Also, be careful to not portray your spouse as a devil in the eyes of your child.</li><li>In this case, your partner will have to mould their character for the child’s peace of mind. You will have to support your partner in making changes in their behaviour because in parenting, both the parties need to share equal responsibilities.</li><li>Help your partner find the underlying reason behind their aggression. Because aggression does not pop up suddenly. It is build-up anger and frustration. If it is because of work life, help them to achieve work-life balance. If something at home is bothering them, look for ways where you can change things to make things easier for them. If nothing works, it is better that they take up therapy. Therapy will help them with their personal issues and also improve their aggressive behaviour.</li><li>Your partner’s aggressive behaviour won’t pose much of a problem until it is non-violent. When an aggressive person, becomes violent, that’s when things can get out of hand. In this case, only a psychologist or a psychiatrist can help the person.</li></ul> On the other hand, explain to your child that sometimes they will encounter some people with aggressive nature. They need to develop the ways to cope up with such people. It is not necessary that aggressive people are bad at heart. Make your child understand that their parent is trying their best to make changes to their behaviour.

Aggressive partners make it difficult for children to live openly. Children usually stay away from aggressive parent and are affected negatively.

Dealing with an aggressive partner 

Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. This can be experienced in an elevator, small rooms without window, caves, cellars, small closed cars and sometimes tight – neck covered clothing. If you know the child is claustrophobic do not tease the child in panic situations. Causes:Calustrophobia may be caused due to a traumatic event in early years of childhood. These event(s) could be:<ul><li>Child getting locked in dark room unable to find door</li><li>Child crawling into a hole and getting stuck</li><li>Child locked in a closet</li><li>Child left alone in car or van</li><li>Child with clautrophobic parent(s)</li><li>Child who was bullied or abused</li></ul> Triggers:People affected by claustrophobia will often go out of their way to avoid confined spaces, such as lifts, tunnels, tube trains and public toilets. But avoiding these places may reinforce the fear.Some people with claustrophobia experience mild anxiety when in a confined space, while others have severe anxiety or a panic attack. The most common experience is a feeling or fear of losing control. Some common triggers are:<ul><li>Lifts</li><li>Tunnels</li><li>Tube trains</li><li>Revolving doors</li><li>Public toilets</li><li>Cars with central locking</li><li>Car washes</li><li>Shop changing rooms</li><li>Hotel rooms with sealed windows</li><li>Planes</li></ul> Physical Symptoms:<ul><li>Sweating</li><li>Trembling</li><li>Hot flushes or chills</li><li>Shortness of breath or difficulty breathing</li><li>A choking sensation</li><li>A rapid heartbeat</li><li>Tightness in the chest</li><li>Upset stomach</li><li>Headaches and dizziness</li><li>Feeling faint</li><li>Numbness or pins and needles</li><li>A dry mouth&nbsp;</li><li>A need to go to the toilet</li><li>Ringing your ears</li><li>Nausea</li></ul> Psychological symptoms:<ul><li>Feeling out of touch with reality or detached from your body</li><li>Fear of fainting</li><li>Fear of losing control</li><li>Fear of dying</li></ul> Diagnosis:<ul><li>A mental health expert can diagnose phobia; keep a regular track of your child’s behaviour/health in particular situations and with objects.</li><li>Phobia diagnosis is based on diagnostic guidelines and a thorough clinical interview. If you feel that your child has a phobia, take him/her to a healthcare expert. Your child's doctor will either ask you or your child about the symptoms. The doctor might also take a medical, psychiatric, and family history.</li><li>Your child's doctor might also use the diagnostic criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).</li></ul> Treatment:<ul><li>Exposure therapy: In this method, your child will be exposed to the situations that frighten him/her. This is done to help a child get over his/her fear. The situations that trigger the fear or phobia are gradually intensified. For example, at first, your child might be asked to just look at a photo of a tight space. Then, with the help of your child's therapist, your child will be worked up to being inside a tight space. Mind well, this method should be used in the presence of a mental healthcare expert as this can trigger intense panic attacks and anxiety.</li><li>Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT): This is a type of talk therapy where your child can meet with a trained therapist one-on-one. The child will be encouraged to talk the negative thoughts that drive his/her fear and learn ways to overcome them. Your child may get CBT alone or combined with exposure therapy.</li><li>Virtual reality (VR): It's a treatment that uses computer simulations of tight spaces like elevators or MRI machines. Getting the experience of a tight space in the virtual world can help your child get over his/her fear in a setting that feels safe.</li><li>Modelling: In this method the child sees other person facing a closed space situation without any fear or panic.</li><li>Medicines like tranquillisers and antidepressants (prescribed by a doctor) can be helpful along with the above treatments.</li></ul>

Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces.

Claustrophobia - Symptoms, Causes, Diagnosis, Treatment

Palak Vyas

The best guideline is this simple one: Dress your newborn in the same number of layers you’re wearing yourself, plus one. For winters:<ul><li>Think layers. It’s always best to layer baby’s clothing, which traps heat between the layers. Thin cotton clothes work well, maybe a long sleeved shirt and pants or even a snowsuit if your little one is going to be in very cold temps. Cover up. Make sure that your baby is completely covered from head-to-toe. Make sure you have gloves, a woollen cap, thick socks and snow boots handy in times of the need.</li><li>Don’t forget blankets outside. If you’re headed out in the stroller, his plus-one layer can be a blanket and/or his stroller’s rain cover, which will keep out the elements and keep in some heat.</li><li>Beware of overheating. Babies dressed in too many layers (of blankets or clothing) are at greater risk for overheating and SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). If you’ve been out, remove your baby’s winter clothes as soon as you come inside (yes, even if (s)he is asleep!).</li></ul> For warmer weather dress your baby accordingly:<ul><li>Reduce the number of layers: When the sun is out and temperature is warm, use lighter fabrics that are breathable. Allowing your baby’s body to breathe and not get too hot.</li><li>Choose Quality Fabrics: Focus on purchasing quality fabrics that are less likely to irritate your baby’ skin. Cotton is usually the recommended fabric because it allows the baby’s skin to breathe easily.</li><li>Choose Loose clothing: Always opt for loose fitted clothing that will allow your baby’s skin to breathe. It has been found that tight fitting clothes don’t give ample space for your little ones sensitive skin to breathe. They are more likely to break out in a rash because of overheating.</li><li>When shopping take note of the tags and what the material of your baby’s clothing is made of.</li></ul>

Dress your baby in a way that (s)he remains cheery all the time.

Weather and clothing

Around the age of 2, most kids start showing interest in learning alphabets. You can use the following learning methods for your child: <ol><li>Singing the alphabet song: You can sing the alphabet songs for them and gradually they will learn to sing with you. You can also play action song on alphabets or just play audio whenever they are playing around. Children love to sing and dance along and that's how they learn things quickly.</li><li>Reading all alphabet books that you can find: The more you repeat, the more they repeat with you and the better is the learning. Provide them with different alphabet books so they don’t get bored with reading the same one. Make sure that the books show different things for one alphabet. Example: Not all books should contain “A for Apple”; “A for aeroplane”, “A for almond”, and so on should be included in the books. This will help your child in the long run.</li><li>Tracing the letters: Books for tracing the letters are readily available in the market. A child uses his/her fingers to trace the letters. The letter cards tell the child where to start and in which direction to trace. You can make such cards at home too. To make it interesting, help your child dip their finger in watercolour and then trace the letters.</li><li>Make alphabet shapes with your child using sand on a flat surface.</li><li>Use clay to make alphabet shapes with your child. This will improve their fine motor skills and sense of touch along with learning alphabets.</li><li>ABC cookies, ABC pancakes are also available in the market.</li></ol> Important Note: If the child knows the alphabet names, it becomes easy for them to learn the sounds of letters. Always start with teaching upper case letters because they are easier than the lower case ones.

Every child learns on its own pace. You can slowly introduce your child to new concepts but never be impatient to teach them everything at once.

parenting concerns parenting concerns

Parenting issues are a part of the everyday parenting journey. Following article(s) might help you with your concern(s).