When a toddler asks you a question, either it comes out of curiosity or it could be just attention seeking. Figure out if your child needs your undivided attention. If yes, please give proper attention. In the times of social media and technology all around, a child misses that personal time with parents and so (s)he might be asking questions in an attempt that you pay attention to them.But Sometimes it is just curiosity. For a few initial years, a&nbsp;child comes across so many things that (s)he hasn’t seen or heard about. So, (s)he will have a few questions almost everyday. It is always best&nbsp;to satisfy their curiosity and never shush them. The problem arises when they ask too many questions which ultimately annoys parents to a limit that they lose patience. How do deal with this:<ul><li>Acknowledge their questions and postpone it&nbsp;until a more convenient&nbsp;time. For example your child doesn’t eat spinach and asks you why should he eat, you can say, “I understand you don’t like it but let’s talk about its value after dinner. You have it now and i will tell you how it has benefited you, when we talk”. You need to answer them later without fail on due time.</li><li>Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know.” Sometimes parents get exhausted trying to come up with answers to all the questions a child has, particularly when they don’t know anything about that field. In such cases, tell them, “That is a great question. I don't know exactly about it right now but we can find out later this night or on the weekend. Whenever you postpone, be specific about the timings and discuss about it. Stick to your own words.</li><li>How about asking them questions instead of getting angry and shooing them away.For example, when the child asks why should (s)he be eating spinach. Ask him what does (s)he think will happen if (s)he does not eat it. If your child asks why can’t (s)he have ice cream when he is suffering from cold, ask him what does (s)he think would happen if (s)he eats.</li><li>Keep cool when you say that. Be ready and patient to listen to their answers.</li><li>You can also make a list of questions or ask them to do so on a sheet of paper, notebook or on stick pad on fridge. Fix a convenient time in a week and solve their queries.</li><li>All these things can take a lot of time. But by doing this you are encouraging their curiosity. In case if you have 20 questions at the end of the week, ask your child to select 10 first. Like this you will know about their thought process and ideas too.</li></ul>

When a toddler asks you a question, either it comes out of curiosity or it could be just attention seeking. Whatever is the case, it is always best to feed your child's curiosity and give them undivided attention.

Being patient with child’s numerous questions.

Following a particular way of living and following a healthy lifestyle can sure lead to raising a happy and emotionally balanced adult. Things what we learn in childhood stay with us forever. So investing time in raising a happy child is worth it. 1. Teach gratitude:When parents show gratitude, their children grow up more enthusiastic, joyful, interested and engaged in the world around them. Teach them to be thankful for every small and big thing in life. Teach them to be thankful to nature, parents, resources, family, toys, meals, their beautiful body and everything around them. 2. Help your child to handle their emotions:Allow your child to feel all the emotions. Happy, sad, mad, crazy, messy, frustrated, annoyed or whatever. Encourage your child to label his/her feelings and express them verbally. 3. Teach them to be hopeful and patient:When your child is unable to do his/her own thing, they tend to get frustrated. For example, when they are trying to tie shoelaces by themselves. You can tell them its okay not to know things and they can learn at their own pace. Ask them to try again and be there for them when they try. This is how they learn to handle frustration with hope and patience. 4. Allow unstructured, unhurried time:Do not over-schedule your kid’s time with activities. They need their time to play. It is that time when they learn, invent, create and daydream. Allow your child to play by her/him and at her/his own pace. 5. Follow your child’s interest:Get to know your child better and ask about his likes, dislikes and interests. If you follow your child’s interest he is going to shine in that activity and he would be thankful for your support. Be accepting in whatever hobby or activity your child decides for him/herself. 6. Create Routines:Daily rituals and routines are some of the most basic ways to instil a sense of security. Like family meals, bath and bedtime, family swimming lessons, jogging, cycling together, and joining yoga classes as a family. Such routine can build up bonds between families and the child feels loved, wanted, safe and happy. 7. Give undivided attention:Communicating with them, giving undivided attention is a vital part of happy bonding with your child. Teach them to build meaningful relationships. Set an example. Whenever they try and approach, put aside your phone; switch off the TV, if you are watching. 8. Set reasonable boundaries and attainable goals:Whenever you set any limit for your child, keep their age and personal nature and behaviour in consideration. Every child is different, their pace is different and their capacities are different. Accept them wholeheartedly and set their goals and limits accordingly. It should be reachable and attainable for your child. 9. Focus on the process:Like if you have set a goal of a certain result in the school; focus on their hard work and efforts, focus on the learning process and not only on their results. Sometimes the desired outcome doesn’t come in the first go. But don’t forget to appreciate their efforts and encourage them to be better next time. Make them feel you are there in their failure and success both. The feeling of parents supporting their children is the most secure feeling for the child.

Things what we learn in childhood stay with us forever. So investing time in raising a happy child is worth it.

Raising a happy child

Having a baby would have changed your day-to-day lives. But it may affect your relationship too. According to research, about two-thirds of couples become unhappy with their relationship within three years of having a child. Undoubtedly, sleepless nights, chores to do, and negligible time for long talks or intimacy all these unite to create the probability of&nbsp;differences between you and your partner.So what can be done? There are a few key things to consider which will help you to safeguard your relationship after you become parents: <ul><li>Surely the challenges are inevitable but accept that this is difficult for both of you. Try to understand that both of you are dealing with new roles. Realising this will help you both be more understanding with one another.</li><li>Avoid direct criticism and be specific about what you need from your partner. For example, saying, “I would appreciate if you can give the baby a bath today as I am tired.” will probably go over a lot more smoothly than saying, “You are of no help!”</li><li>Every day, no matter how tired you are, spend time with your partner and talk about your daily routine, your feelings, and your worries. Just ten minutes a day is better than nothing at all. You can also turn your child’s nap time into a romantic walk. Take your sleeping child in a stroller and go for a walk. The fresh air is refreshing for your child in the stroller while you and your partner can have a good time walking together.</li><li>Expect parenting differences. Accept that you may have different ways of looking after your baby and know that it’s just better to try to develop a joint approach or be kind to one another.</li><li>Give your partner some break. A whole day might be very difficult to work out, but surely you can give your partner an afternoon to spend time at the spa or even just to have a nap, while you take care of the baby.</li><li>If you’re first-time parents, ask an experienced couple to explain what to expect.</li><li>Small gestures of love like a hug, a kiss, a quick cuddle or few encouraging words often go a long way!</li><li>Couples usually delay in opting counselling until they are at an extreme point. Instead, consider counselling early. The counsellor will be able to guide you over important parenting issues and will facilitate healthy and effective communication.</li></ul> Remember every relationship goes through phases and soon you will rediscover your feelings for each other. Bonds formed during such crucial times are strong and although having a baby can indeed change everything, beautiful things can happen when you learn how to change together. Not only that, but your children will understand that their parents are affectionate with each other and happy to be together. This ensures that they have a good foundation and a model to build their own relationships in the future.

Having a baby would have changed your day-to-day lives. But it may affect your relationship too. According to research, about two-thirds of couples become unhappy with their relationship within three years of having a child.

Maintaining peace between husband and wife after having a baby

You may be coping up with financial challenges of managing your career or climbing up the corporate ladder, parenting is something where most people are stuck. Raising a child with both parents working is indeed a challenging task. But, do not worry, a research shows that having a working mother has no impact on children’s happiness in adulthood. Also, children of working mums and dads are often successful in their later careers. The key here is to divide the household chores and child’s responsibilities equally among both the partners. For example if the mother is cooking food, the father should help with the dishes or vice versa. Similarly, if there’s a meeting or function to be attended in the child’s school, both the parents should do it alternatively. It should fall on to any one of the parents’ shoulders. Things to take into consideration here are:<ul><li>Work timings of both the parents: Say for example if the father has to report to work early in the morning, it is obvious that he won’t be able to take up the household chores in the morning. If the child has to go to school in the morning, the mother will have to look after that if she has the time in hand.</li><li>Work profile of both the parents: Say for example, if the work profile of the mother is stronger than the father and requires more time, then the free time that the mother gets should be first devoted to the child and then to the household chores. Or the mother can opt to do the household chores along with the child. This will help her to bind with the child better.&nbsp;</li><li>Both the partners should be mature enough to understand the above two points and work in the direction in which both the parents get equal amount of quality time to spend with the child.</li><li>Make sure that the time which you are spending with the child should be quality time. play family games post dinner, go for a walk together. A weekly ritual of spending the day on a day off also does wonders. Take the opportunity to learn about their interests, what is going on in their schools and classes, how are things with their friends, if there is anything that’s bothering them, etc.</li><li>In all these, do not forget to spend alone time with your partner. You both are each other’s strongest pillars. Once in a while, plan family outings so everyone is just having fun with each other by leaving behind the worries.</li><li>If your partner is not helping you share the responsibilities of the house and of the child, talk to your partner calmly and make them understand that you cannot do this single handed and it might take a toll on your mental health.</li><li>Make them understand that for healthy family dynamics, you will need their full support in everything.</li><li>In case if you are not able to sort it out, you can take counsellor’s help to resolve the situation between both of you.</li></ul> What can be done to reduce the burden on working parents other than sharing the responsibilities:<ul><li>Find a quality Day care: Find good, trustworthy, hygienic day care for your child. This will help you stay at peace and focus on your work at office. Also, ensure it offers flexible hours. In case if the grandparents are available and are ready and healthy enough to take care of your child, that option can also be considered.</li><li>Have a good morning routine: This is extremely important for working parents as a haphazard morning can spoil both your and the child’s day. Spend some time while brushing teeth together, give a long and refreshing shower, have breakfast together and a little conversation while you drop the child at school/bus/van.</li><li>Stay organised: Prepare everything a night before, pack the bag, chop vegetables, have a menu for breakfast. This will give you enough time to spend with your child.</li><li>Take good care of yourself: When you are tired and stretched, it gets difficult to manage both work and home. Have some ‘me time’ wake up a little early – exercise or go for a walk in green surroundings. A healthy body and healthy mind will keep you fit and energetic for the day.</li><li>Take help whenever required: You can always seek assistance from parents or grandparents. Offer car pooling for evening activity class on a busy day at work and arrange for a play date for children over the weekend.</li><li>Avoid planning to give equal time for both: You cannot practically do that because some days are extremely busy at work and sometimes baby’s health/education will need an extra attention. Flexibility at work and home is the key to strike the right balance.</li><li>Be a smart cook: you can boil 2 – 3 types of lentils on weekends and stuff them in refrigerator, this will save your cooking time on weekdays and spare time to spend with your kids. If your finances allow, outsource certain tasks like cleaning, cooking etc.</li><li>Discipline sleep schedule: The efforts should not be to wake up early; the efforts should be about sleeping on time. Spend more bedtime with kids and wake up early together. Share small household chores with your kid(s).</li></ul>

When both the parents are working, it becomes a tad bit difficult to manage work, household chores, and spending time with the child.

Working parents and Responsibilities

Mustafa Lokhandwala

Permissive parenting has very few rules and expectations of children. Most times, the parents are loving and express caring about their children, but they don’t see their children as mature or capable enough to carry out certain tasks or responsibilities that require self-control. This style has also been linked to riskier behaviours in older children, like heavy drinking in adolescents and alcohol-related problems as young adults. These parents do not expect mature behaviour from their children and often seem more like a friend than a parental figure. Ask their children's opinions on major decisions. Emphasize their children's freedom rather than responsibility. Have few rules or standards of behaviour, any rules they do have are inconsistent. May use bribery such as toys, gifts, and food as a means to get a child to behave. Characteristics Permissive parents are highly responsive to their children’s needs and nurture their talents and personality. But they are least demanding because they have low expectations on discipline and self-regulation from their children. <ol><li>Responsive and demanding –&nbsp;Permissive parents are warm and responsive, and that's a good thing. Parents show affectionate which create a secure attachment in relationships. It protects a child from stress and anxiety.</li><li>Friendly behaviour -&nbsp;The parenting style is characterized by parents having a very friendly attitude towards their children. The parents behave more like friends with their kids.</li><li>Loving and Nurturing –&nbsp;Parent often loves and adores their children. The parent will respond to the child’s emotional needs, whether truly necessary or not. They typically do not lack in this department. If a child is not being affectionate, a permissive mom or dad will often try to buy their child’s love and affection with gifts and bribery.</li><li>Self-control –&nbsp;In this style parent behaviour towards their child leads to bad habits in terms of nutrition, screen time, poor sleep schedule and many other aspects of life. A child is not able to understand the long-term effects of these poor choices.</li><li>Child freedom -&nbsp;Permissive parents allow their children to do as they please. These types of parents may even be afraid to set limits. With free roam, a child will over-indulge in unwanted things. In the parent’s eyes, this allows the child to be “true to their nature.”&nbsp;</li><li>Uses gifts and bribery -&nbsp;When a child acts up, permissive parents are often afraid to discipline their child. Instead, they will use bribes (candy, money, electronics, etc.) to persuade the child to do what they want.</li></ol> Effects on Children Children may love the permissive parenting style as it gives them the maximum freedom without any strings attached. But it could be problematic in the long-run. <ul><li>Struggle&nbsp;to learn good problem-solving and decision-making skills.</li><li>Display&nbsp;low academic achievement.</li><li>They may be&nbsp;demanding and have difficulty sharing.</li><li>Lack of boundaries results in&nbsp;insecurity in a child(ren).</li><li>May not take responsibility for their behaviour.</li><li>Show&nbsp;more aggression&nbsp;and&nbsp;less emotional&nbsp;understanding.</li><li>Unable to manage&nbsp;their habits and behaviour.</li><li>More likely to be&nbsp;overweight.</li></ul> Pros of Permissive Parenting As this parenting style focuses on being a friend to a child rather than a parent, the parents understand their children better, and communication becomes easy as they grow old. Here are some more benefits of permissive parenting: Self-assurance -&nbsp;When children are encouraged to express themselves freely, they will become more confident and willing to try new things, regardless of the consequences. Unconditional love is the key to raising a child who values him or herself.Exploration&nbsp;- Permissive parenting allows children to have more freedom, thus inspiring them to undertake new adventures with a greater sense of confidence.Creativity&nbsp;– Parents allow freedom and not limit their children; Hence they experiment with all sorts of passions and hobbies creative and imaginative play children can grow emotionally, socially, intellectually, and even physically. Cons of Permissive Parenting Giving excessive leniency may have significant negative consequences. Let’s see what the drawbacks of permissive parenting are: A conflict between needs and wants -&nbsp;As children grow older, they might demand a lot of things and have unrealistic and unreasonable expectations. They need guidance and limit-setting from their parents. Since parents do not want to upset their children, they give their children everything they ask for. The child does not learn the difference between needs and wants.Lack of time management -&nbsp;In the absence of rules and behaviour at home, these children may not learn the value of time. They might spend too much time watching television or playing online games.Lack of parental control -&nbsp;In permissive parenting, the child may come to feel that they are in charge rather than their parents, and experience that can generate significant anxiety.Emotional imbalance -&nbsp;Children who do not have limits set on their behaviour can have difficulty regulating their emotions, especially when their needs are not met.

Permissive parents usually take on more of a friend role than a parent role. They often encourage their children to talk with them about their problems, but they usually don't put much effort into discouraging poor choices or bad behavior.

Permissive Parenting

Palak Vyas

Keep the following points in mind while buying a milk bottle for your child: <ul><li>Bottle material: The glass bottles are heavy, BPA (a chemical used in plastics) free, can last longer and can be easily cleaned. But they need to be handled with care while. They are more expensive than plastic ones.</li></ul> The silicone bottles are light and unbreakable, BPA free. Often they are soft but more expensive than the plastic and glass ones.The plastic bottles are light, unbreakable and inexpensive. Generally, parents don’t prefer using plastic though they are very convenient to use.The stainless steel bottles are light, unbreakable, BPA free, last longer, not very expensive too.Parents can use any of the above material depending upon their preference and convenience. <ul><li>Bottle shape: Most bottles are slightly curved or angled for easy grip. Height and width should be chosen based on baby’s convenience to hold.</li></ul> <ul><li>Disposable bottles are also available in the market if you want to use during travelling, when washing and cleaning are not possible.</li></ul> <ul><li>Venting system: There are bottles available in the market which claim to be anti-colic. It has a straw-like component so that the baby doesn’t ingest gas bubbles.</li></ul> <ul><li>Number of bottles: Depending upon how you use it, minimum 2 to 4, to a maximum of 8 to 10 bottles can be required.</li></ul> <ul><li>Nipples: There are two varieties- silicone and latex available in the nipple material. Flat-topped and wide nipples are better.</li></ul> <ul><li>Nipple size and flow: For preemies and newborn, the smallest size is preferable while for a grown-up baby, there are nipple sizes and flow which are larger and faster respectively.</li></ul>

Selection of milk bottle can be based on many parameters like nipple shape, nipple flow, bottle material and bottle shape.

Selecting a milk bottle for your baby

Dr Ajab Primuswala

<ul><li>Stealing is something which a child does out of curiosity.</li><li>May be the child is picking up just simple things like stationery which is very attractive to them. They don’t know what stealing is but if they like something, they pick it up and keep it for themselves. They don’t understand that the particular thing is not possessed by them so they cannot take it home.</li><li>If you find some unknown objects in their bag, just simply go and ask them about where did they get it from. If they say it was one of their classmates’ or if they start giving any explanations, make them sit and talk to them in a very calm manner.</li><li>Do not get aggressive and scold them. Instead tell them, “It does not belong to you. If it does not belong to you, you cannot bring it home. If you need anything of this sort, you come home and ask us, we will get it for you. Don’t make it a habit of picking up things from wherever you like.”</li><li>Stealing is a concept which we understand. As a young child, they don’t understand this; it is just a simple behaviour where they feel, they just liked something and took it away. They do not understand the concept that this doesn’t belong to me or how can I take when it is somebody else’s thing. Be verbal, make them understand and explain to them what stealing is and what are the consequences of stealing.</li><li>For example, explain to them that if they continue with stealing as a habit even after growing up, they might end up in jail.</li><li>This is just making them learn about what exactly they are doing is not a behaviour which is socially acceptable and is considered to be wrong.</li><li>Don’t start getting aggressive on them without explaining. If it becomes a continuous behaviour even after explaining, then you need to get it checked that what pleasure they are getting out of this habit.</li><li>Keep a check on your child if this turns out to be a continuous habit. Make them understand that they will have to face consequences because of this. Do not tell them that they will be punished but for example, if the child has picked up something from someone, make it a point that they go to that person, return the thing in their hand the next day and apologise for the same.</li><li>This will make them realise that this is something they cannot do however hard they like it.</li><li>Children learn what is appropriate and what is not through proper guidance. If any action or behaviour is appropriate, (s)he will be appreciated and would be found guilty for inappropriate action.</li></ul>

Children do not understand the concept of "stealing" so instead of dealing with this situation using your anger, it is better to sit with your child and make him/her understand why they should not be doing this.

Dealing with child's habit of stealing things

<ul><li>When you say that your child is lying, there are two aspects to it. Whether the child is lying to save himself/herself or whether the child is lying for fun sake.</li><li>If the child is lying to get away from punishment for something which they did, it is their defence.</li><li>Make it a point to make them realise that their behaviour is unaccepted. You can do this by telling them, “Irrespective of whatever you have lied, I know the things you have done. You can’t hide it from me.”</li><li>If they are lying for fun, make them realise that there are consequences for this lying habit.</li><li>Lying is something which they are using as a defence mechanism or as a method of manipulating and altering the truth.</li><li>Here, being calm is the most important requirement for the parent because as parents we feel, “Oh! How can my child lie to me?”</li><li>You have to be very sure that your child is lying to you. You will have to talk to them and give them a solid proof that you know they were lying.</li><li>You have to be sure and be thorough with the facts because children are very smart. If you just say, “You are lying and I know”, they will not agree to it. So keep your facts ready and then confront them.</li><li>Confronting your child has to be an immediate action after the episode. If you know that your child has lied to you today, then confront him/her there and then. Do not keep it hanging.</li><li>Lying tendency also comes with the concept of fear. Maybe your child is too scared of sharing his or her stuff with you and that's the reason they might be lying to you.</li><li>Here, what you can do is, try and gain that trust and develop a rapport with your child where the child doesn’t want to lie to you. It is just that they are scared of your behaviour towards them and this is motivating them to lie.</li><li>So first check for yourself that whether you are the reason behind your child’s lying. If yes, you can rectify yourself and go ahead and reassure them that they can share anything and everything with you. Tell them, “It’s okay, I will handle it and you can trust me completely, you don’t need to lie to me”.</li></ul>

Children lie when they feel they actions will not be accepted by their parents. Assure your child that you will be there to support them when things go downhill.

Dealing with child's habit of lying

Parenting is indeed a tough job and we always thrive to learn skills that can make us a better parent. Parenting is a natural relationship that goes stronger with every passing day with your child. While we may ensure we do not commit any mistakes that can hurt our child, here are some of them we should totally avoid: <ol><li>Neglecting child: Hectic work schedules and domestic responsibilities may keep us busy but avoiding our children will make them feel disinterested in society and people around them. Remember, giving them a substitute (games or smart phones) is not the solution; a child feels happy and empowered only with a parent’s attention.</li><li>Disrespecting the child: Never insult them; they are too young and tend to make many mistakes. Even if the mistake is in front of guests or a large crowd, it is always better to explain it to the child when alone. Shaming will undermine a child’s confidence.</li><li>Comparing hurts: Although it may not be intentional, comparison will lead to jealousy. Also it lowers the self confidence. The child starts liking himself/herself lesser. Hence, avoid comparing your child’s behaviour or work with their friends or siblings.</li><li>Fighting in front of children: Research shows that children who grow up observing their parents fight at home are more likely to bully others. It is difficult to avoid arguments but make sure the disagreements do not turn into a fight (in front of children). One of the parents can decide to discuss it when the child is asleep or is in school.</li><li>Protecting your child more than required: Let them face situations and experience difficulties in solving problems. It is difficult to resist but try it, the child will be independent and will avoid making same the mistakes again. Do not solve problems for your child on a regular basis.</li><li>Scolding the child excessively: If you constantly scold your child for their mistakes, (s)he might either go completely silent or will behave recklessly in the future. Try to understand their viewpoint and let them know that it’s only human to make any mistakes and that it’s okay to make mistakes as long as we learn from them.</li><li>Disciplining the child in front of everyone: If you keep on scolding/yelling at your child to be disciplined in front of others, it scraps them off of their self-confidence.</li><li>Not showing affection.</li><li>Lack of support.</li><li>Not praising them for their achievements.</li><li>Not talking about their feelings.</li><li>Not giving them a choice.</li><li>Not spending time.</li><li>Lack of trust.</li><li>Hitting your child.</li><li>Threaten to leave your kids behind.</li><li>Lie to your child.</li></ol> These are very basic pointers but parents unintentionally tend to overlook them. From time to time, take a break and reflect on your parenting and you will be good to go.

Parenting is indeed a tough job and we always thrive to learn skills that can make us a better parent.

parenting issues parenting concerns

Parenting issues are a part of the everyday parenting journey. Following article(s) might help you with your concern(s).