Palak Vyas

While buying a crib for your child, keep the following things in mind: <ol><li>The crib should not have drop-side rails, which means it should have fixed side rails. The cribs with drop-side rails have been banned because infants get trapped or strangulated in the side space of the drop-side rail.</li><li>The next important safety measure is to check the slat distance. The safe distance between slats is 6 cm. This distance protects the infant from falling out and trapping their heads between the slats.</li><li>Buy a crib that has the firmest mattress. Check it yourself. Soft mattresses increase the risks of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).</li><li>Ensure that there is no extra space between the mattress and a crib to avoid baby from sliding. So the mattress should fit in properly.</li><li>The corner posts should be at the right height that is over 16 inches. In case if you are using a used crib from family or friends make sure to look for its condition and fittings and in any case, it should not be older than 10 years.</li><li>Always place your baby on his/her back to sleep.</li><li>Keep checking all the screws and hardware regularly and tighten them if needed.</li><li>Do not put anything extra in the crib like soft toys, extra mattresses, comforters or anything. This can cause your baby to suffocate.</li><li>Whenever you are placing your baby in the crib, see that (s)he is not wearing any bib or neck-piece as it may strangulate the baby.</li><li>Keep a vigilant eye over your baby when (s)he is in the crib, do not leave the baby unattended for longer duration.</li></ol>

A crib or a cot is a small bed especially designed for infants and very young children.

Selecting a crib for your baby

Conversations revolving around the situations and scenarios of the world are always uncomfortable to address. Keep the following pointers in mind:<ul><li>Let your child raise questions and take this as an opportunity to teach empathy to your child.</li><li>Let them know it's sad to know that some people are homeless.</li><li>Depending upon their maturity, you can explain them or just answer in a sentence. Keep it as short as possible.</li><li>Tell them, “Some people do not have enough money for a house.”</li><li>If your child is very young, (s)he may be satisfied with this answer. Avoid giving extra information.</li><li>Teach them that there are certain things we cannot change completely but we can definitely do something to help others.</li><li>Encourage them to donate toys, books, food etc. to the needy people.</li><li>Tell them to be grateful for what all things they have in life and explain to them that if we have been gifted with goodness in life then it is our responsibility to help the underprivileged.</li><li>Inform your child about some government and non-government organisations, which are there to help and how you can also make your contributions.</li></ul>

It becomes a little awkward to explain such things to your child.

Talking about homeless people with your child

Children experience mental health issues when they feel pressurised, when they feel that they are not being heard, or when they are going through something. Signs that your child might have mental health issues:<ul><li>Mood changes. Look for feelings of sadness or withdrawal that lasts at least two weeks or severe mood swings causing problems in relationships at home or school.</li><li>Intense feelings. Be aware of feelings of overwhelming fear for no reason or when the child is not able to express the reason of his fear.</li><li>Behaviour changes. These include drastic changes in behaviour or personality, as well as dangerous or out-of-control behaviour. Fighting frequently, using weapons and expressing a desire to badly hurt others are warning signs.</li><li>Difficulty concentrating. Look for signs of trouble focusing or sitting still.</li><li>Unexplained weight loss. A sudden loss of appetite, might indicate an eating disorder.</li><li>Physical symptoms. Frequent headaches and stomach aches could also be a sign of underlying mental health issues.</li><li>Physical harm. Sometimes a mental health condition leads to self-injury, also called self-harm. This is the act of deliberately harming your own body, such as cutting or burning yourself. Children with a mental health condition also might develop suicidal thoughts or attempt suicide.</li></ul> Treatment of mental illness in children: As soon as you see one or more of the mentioned signs, or a combination of few signs, consult a psychologist. The treatment includes:<ul><li>Psychotherapy. Psychotherapy, also known as talk therapy or behaviour therapy, is a way to address mental health concerns by talking with a psychologist or other mental healthcare provider. During psychotherapy, a child might learn about his or her condition, moods, feelings, thoughts and behaviours. A few counselling sessions can help your child cope with the situation.</li><li>Medication. Your child's doctor&nbsp;might recommend that your child take certain medications — such as stimulants, antidepressants, anti-anxiety medications, anti-psychotics or mood stabilisers — to treat his or her mental health condition.</li><li>Some children benefit from a combination of approaches.</li></ul> Helping your mentally ill child:<ul><li>Your child needs your love and support. Talk to the doctor and adapt new ways to handle his/her illness.</li><li>Seek ways to relax and have fun with your child. Praise his or her strengths and abilities.</li><li>Consider seeking family counselling or the help of support groups, too. It's important for you and your loved ones to understand your child's illness and his or her feelings, as well as what all of you can do to help your child.</li><li>To help your child succeed in school, inform your child's teachers and the school counsellor that your child has a mental health condition.</li><li>If you're concerned about your child's mental health, seek advice. Don't avoid getting help for your child out of shame or fear.</li></ul>

It is necessary to pay as much attention to mental health as physical health. Treating mental health problems at the right time is important so that a child has a happy childhood.

Mental health of children

You can take the following precautions while boarding a bus with a baby: <ul><li>Getting on the bus: Always wear flat and comfortable footwear. Dress your baby in a comfortable dress. While getting on the bus, make sure the bus is at a complete halt. People are always supportive towards women with babies so take help if required but at the same time stay alert about suspicious people.</li><li>Board a bus that is not so crowded: It is risky when there are too many people on the bus. If you aren’t in a hurry you can wait for a bus that's a little less crowded. You or your baby can get hurt or elbowed in a crowded bus and the baby can get cranky seeing too many people around. Put your baby into a harness or strap him/her to your torso.</li><li>Grab a good seat, preferably near window: Usually babies enjoy window seats as they can keep watching live action out of the window, the moving buses, autos, birds, greenery - this all can keep your baby busy .You can keep the glass closed to protect from dirt, dust, smoke and loud noises. Hold your baby firmly when the window is open.</li><li>Stay alert: Yes! Any public transport can be a little tricky one because there are more chances of a woman being molested and groped in a crowded bus. So, stay alert. Raise your voice if you find any suspicious person doing something inappropriate. Preferably sit around families having women and children around. Keep your phone handy. Always stay ready with pepper spray. Trust your guts before trusting anyone else.</li><li>Have something to entertain your baby: Before boarding the bus see that your child is well rested and well fed. Change his diaper so (s)he feels fresh. If your baby is old enough to eat, you can take some dry snacks along like cornflakes or roasted peanuts and popcorn packets, so the baby stays distracted and doesn’t make a fuss. You can carry a picture book if the journey is of long hours or play good music or rhymes. After a short while babies tend to sleep in a moving bus just like elders.</li><li>So don’t worry and board your bus.</li></ul>

It can get difficult to manage young children in a bus but the situation can always be managed.

Travelling with a child in bus

In this techno savvy and fast-paced world, it becomes difficult to get our children out of screen time and make sure that they spend some quality time with their grandparents. This is required to build warm and loving bonds in the family. Ultimately it is our relationships and family bonding that matters in life. Tips to increase closeness between your child and their grandparents: <ul><li>Let your child talk to his grandparents. In case they are not staying around, make sure your child talks to them over regular calls. The more they talk, the more they bond. This way they will get to know each other well.</li><li>If it is possible, take them to their grandparents’ place often and allow them some quality time.</li><li>You can plan a dinner date for your child and their grandparents. They can visit libraries or parks or some art exhibition together.</li><li>You can ask your parents to narrate their life stories to your children.</li><li>Your child and his/her grandparents can cook some dishes together.</li><li>A perfect picture is also a good option. Ask them to go to a picture studio and get clicked. Get this picture framed and hang it in their room.</li><li>They can read books to each other. Play chess and some vintage games like snakes and ladders, ludo, carrom etc.</li><li>Eventually, they will develop a beautiful bond and will be sharing stories soon.</li></ul>

Many families observe that children don't want to spend time with their grandparents. This can be improved with a few steps.

Making children spend time with grandparents

This kind of behaviour suggests the possibility of some imitation from the environments either inside or outside of the home. If someone in the family is acting in the same way, the child learns from them and imitates the same behaviour. In this particular situation, family therapy is required. It is possible that the child has learnt such behaviour outside the home from his/her peers or other persons. In this case, the child should be taught and counselled about proper behaviour and discipline. If you cannot do the same at home, you can take the help of a psychologist.If you feel that this behaviour has no explainable reasons, it might be due to some kind of a psychiatric disorder. It can be depression, bipolar disorder, or disruptive mood dysregulation disorder. In this case, where you cannot identify the reasons yourself, it is better to consult a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist at the earliest. If you are able to find the reasons behind this behaviour, this is what you can do: <ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Prevent it before it’s too late, if you can predict your child’s behaviour and you are around try to be close to your child. Remember hitting comes out of fear, if you are around the child feels empowered to handle the situation and may not lash out. Also, since you are there to monitor keep them away from other children if the situation triggers. Hug the little one and calm him/her.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">If the child who is hit is without his/her parents around hug him/her before talking to your child. This will also give you some time to calm down, after handling the child who is hit talk to your child to apologise (you too can join him/her to apologise).</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Instead of playing blame game and saying “you are bad as you have hurt your friend”, rather say “your friend is hurt, hitting hurts and pains”. Blaming the child may create a negative impact on child’s mind and the problem may not get resolved.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Even lecturing will not work; avoid the urge to give a lecture to the child in such situations. The child knows that hitting is not okay; it’s just that he/she couldn’t control the feelings, try to make the child feel safe. You can explain the child later during the sleep time on bed. This will have a lasting impact and may result into a positive behaviour.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Stay compassionate so that the child can cry or vent out the feelings. The child feels overwhelmed and venting out helps a lot.</li></ul>

Even your child is aware that hitting is not the right thing. You just need to pin point the problem and solve it.

Dealing with Violent Behaviour among Children

Following a particular way of living and following a healthy lifestyle can sure lead to raising a happy and emotionally balanced adult. Things what we learn in childhood stay with us forever. So investing time in raising a happy child is worth it. 1. Teach gratitude:When parents show gratitude, their children grow up more enthusiastic, joyful, interested and engaged in the world around them. Teach them to be thankful for every small and big thing in life. Teach them to be thankful to nature, parents, resources, family, toys, meals, their beautiful body and everything around them. 2. Help your child to handle their emotions:Allow your child to feel all the emotions. Happy, sad, mad, crazy, messy, frustrated, annoyed or whatever. Encourage your child to label his/her feelings and express them verbally. 3. Teach them to be hopeful and patient:When your child is unable to do his/her own thing, they tend to get frustrated. For example, when they are trying to tie shoelaces by themselves. You can tell them its okay not to know things and they can learn at their own pace. Ask them to try again and be there for them when they try. This is how they learn to handle frustration with hope and patience. 4. Allow unstructured, unhurried time:Do not over-schedule your kid’s time with activities. They need their time to play. It is that time when they learn, invent, create and daydream. Allow your child to play by her/him and at her/his own pace. 5. Follow your child’s interest:Get to know your child better and ask about his likes, dislikes and interests. If you follow your child’s interest he is going to shine in that activity and he would be thankful for your support. Be accepting in whatever hobby or activity your child decides for him/herself. 6. Create Routines:Daily rituals and routines are some of the most basic ways to instil a sense of security. Like family meals, bath and bedtime, family swimming lessons, jogging, cycling together, and joining yoga classes as a family. Such routine can build up bonds between families and the child feels loved, wanted, safe and happy. 7. Give undivided attention:Communicating with them, giving undivided attention is a vital part of happy bonding with your child. Teach them to build meaningful relationships. Set an example. Whenever they try and approach, put aside your phone; switch off the TV, if you are watching. 8. Set reasonable boundaries and attainable goals:Whenever you set any limit for your child, keep their age and personal nature and behaviour in consideration. Every child is different, their pace is different and their capacities are different. Accept them wholeheartedly and set their goals and limits accordingly. It should be reachable and attainable for your child. 9. Focus on the process:Like if you have set a goal of a certain result in the school; focus on their hard work and efforts, focus on the learning process and not only on their results. Sometimes the desired outcome doesn’t come in the first go. But don’t forget to appreciate their efforts and encourage them to be better next time. Make them feel you are there in their failure and success both. The feeling of parents supporting their children is the most secure feeling for the child.

Things what we learn in childhood stay with us forever. So investing time in raising a happy child is worth it.

Raising a happy child

Every child needs full attention of a parent. While you are busy with the younger one, your elder child will experience a range of emotions, from excitement to jealousy or may be responsible and caring. In order to seek your attention, the elder child may show more tantrums or misbehave or refuse to eat. These emotions are short-lived but if not addressed well can have lasting impact on a child’s mind. Here are a few ways to make sure that your elder child does not feel neglected:<ul><li>Let them not feel left out: Take an extra care to ensure that the elder child never feels neglected (unintentionally though). Ask their suggestions for picking up clothes for newborn, choosing the toys for little one and more. Make sure you spend equal time with both the kids</li><li>Avoid giving excuses: Never make the younger one an excuse for not attending the elder child – “we can’t go to the park/playground as the baby is sleeping” “Keep quiet the baby will wake up” “After I attend the baby, I will listen to you” Instead tell him/her , “ We will play together when the baby wakes up, We will go to the park together May be giving a hope and the feeling of togetherness will help the child.</li><li>Pay more attention: Express extra care and love for elder one, increase your daily hugs and play some games or increase story time for the elder one.</li><li>Avoid comparing: This comes unintentionally but it can have a strategic impact on a child’s mind. Little things like who crawled first, child’s weight or who walked first can be taken as criticism by the elder one.</li></ul> Ensure both the children get equal attention and feel loved.

Every child needs full attention of a parent. So, pause and reflect on your parenting to make sure none of your children feel left out.

Managing sibling insecurity

Dr Ajab Primuswala

<ul><li>Stubbornness is a quality which everyone has. We use it as and when required. So when a child is stubborn, the child has his/her own views where (s)he is stuck up strongly. It means that they don’t want to listen to others; they have their own criteria and they want to follow it. They are in an age where they want to try and explore what they feel is correct.</li></ul> <ul><li>Let's take an example of food; food is topic where most of the parents find difficulty in handling their child. As a parent, we want them to eat healthy and nutritious food whereas they want to eat junk food like pizza and pasta.</li></ul> <ul><li>One of the methods to deal with stubbornness is negotiation. We can negotiate with them. For example, you can tell them that if they want to eat junk food they can have it once a week and the rest of the days they will have to follow your schedule. But then let them decide which day they want. You don’t dictate the day for them. Give them the liberty to select the day and the kind of junk food they prefer. Let it be home made preferably. Once in a while, you can take them to dine out as well. As a parent, we know all the pros and cons of the situation but they don’t. They learn by trial and error method and they tend to get distracted as well. You can always have limited control over their choices if they are too distracted.</li></ul> <ul><li>But when it comes to academics, negotiation may not work always. Like a child can come up with, “I don't want to study now”. “I will do this on my time.” “In such cases, we can’t allow them because we know that time is running out. So for this we can help them create a timetable, where primarily they have to create the timetable and you just have to stay around helping them. Keep in mind that timetable is not a sure shot thing that will be followed thoroughly. It can be trial and error method. But at least the children know the time boundaries which will help them.</li></ul> <ul><li>The other important thing is that stubbornness doesn’t come alone; it brings misbehaviour hand in hand. Now when you know your child is stubborn and misbehaving, you can’t deliberately put them into any awkward condition. Do not make them feel socially awkward. For example, if there are guests around and you force your child to greet them. The child might react in a way which might be humiliating to you also, by back answering, by disobeying, making a scene in front of the guests. As a mature adult, to avoid this, you can say, “There are guests around, if you feel like just greet them.” And then leave it up to them. Don’t make it as a compulsion. Give them a liberty of choice.&nbsp;At the same time keep saying that what you would like them to do.</li></ul> <ul><li>Up to certain extent, this will give them a choice of thought process which will mellow them down and put them in strata where they will be able to make their choices. Once it might be unhealthy but at a later stage they will learn from their mistakes and they would become a better person as compared to their stubborn behaviour.</li></ul> <ul><li>When you talk about stubbornness, it is also a lot about “Ego”. We all have ego and with maturity, we learn how to deal with it or overcome it. With children they don’t have this filter. For them it is always a question about their ego and so they get stubborn at every point. They don’t know how to control this behaviour. So at times when you start express stubborn behaviour in terms of commands, rules, or instructions, they feel that this is the only way a person can cope or deal with things. Irrespective of the situation, never behave stubbornly in front of them. Don’t put your point in a stubborn manner. You can explain the reasons behind your instructions which will help them understand the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behaviour.</li></ul> <ul><li>Give them options. Of course they can’t keep doing things they like in their manner, but giving them multiple options and showing possibilities of ways of doing things, will solve the problem to a great extent.</li></ul> <ul><li>By giving multiple options, they will not feel stuck and feel the liberty of choosing their preferences, satisfying their ego also, so it becomes easier to work with them.</li></ul>

All humans are stubborn more or less. That does not mean, you cannot teach your child to put their foot down and patiently listen what the other person has to say.

playpens parenting concerns

Parenting issues are a part of the everyday parenting journey. Following article(s) might help you with your concern(s).