Mustafa Lokhandwala

Permissive parenting has very few rules and expectations of children. Most times, the parents are loving and express caring about their children, but they don’t see their children as mature or capable enough to carry out certain tasks or responsibilities that require self-control. This style has also been linked to riskier behaviours in older children, like heavy drinking in adolescents and alcohol-related problems as young adults. These parents do not expect mature behaviour from their children and often seem more like a friend than a parental figure. Ask their children's opinions on major decisions. Emphasize their children's freedom rather than responsibility. Have few rules or standards of behaviour, any rules they do have are inconsistent. May use bribery such as toys, gifts, and food as a means to get a child to behave. Characteristics Permissive parents are highly responsive to their children’s needs and nurture their talents and personality. But they are least demanding because they have low expectations on discipline and self-regulation from their children. <ol><li>Responsive and demanding –&nbsp;Permissive parents are warm and responsive, and that's a good thing. Parents show affectionate which create a secure attachment in relationships. It protects a child from stress and anxiety.</li><li>Friendly behaviour -&nbsp;The parenting style is characterized by parents having a very friendly attitude towards their children. The parents behave more like friends with their kids.</li><li>Loving and Nurturing –&nbsp;Parent often loves and adores their children. The parent will respond to the child’s emotional needs, whether truly necessary or not. They typically do not lack in this department. If a child is not being affectionate, a permissive mom or dad will often try to buy their child’s love and affection with gifts and bribery.</li><li>Self-control –&nbsp;In this style parent behaviour towards their child leads to bad habits in terms of nutrition, screen time, poor sleep schedule and many other aspects of life. A child is not able to understand the long-term effects of these poor choices.</li><li>Child freedom -&nbsp;Permissive parents allow their children to do as they please. These types of parents may even be afraid to set limits. With free roam, a child will over-indulge in unwanted things. In the parent’s eyes, this allows the child to be “true to their nature.”&nbsp;</li><li>Uses gifts and bribery -&nbsp;When a child acts up, permissive parents are often afraid to discipline their child. Instead, they will use bribes (candy, money, electronics, etc.) to persuade the child to do what they want.</li></ol> Effects on Children Children may love the permissive parenting style as it gives them the maximum freedom without any strings attached. But it could be problematic in the long-run. <ul><li>Struggle&nbsp;to learn good problem-solving and decision-making skills.</li><li>Display&nbsp;low academic achievement.</li><li>They may be&nbsp;demanding and have difficulty sharing.</li><li>Lack of boundaries results in&nbsp;insecurity in a child(ren).</li><li>May not take responsibility for their behaviour.</li><li>Show&nbsp;more aggression&nbsp;and&nbsp;less emotional&nbsp;understanding.</li><li>Unable to manage&nbsp;their habits and behaviour.</li><li>More likely to be&nbsp;overweight.</li></ul> Pros of Permissive Parenting As this parenting style focuses on being a friend to a child rather than a parent, the parents understand their children better, and communication becomes easy as they grow old. Here are some more benefits of permissive parenting: Self-assurance -&nbsp;When children are encouraged to express themselves freely, they will become more confident and willing to try new things, regardless of the consequences. Unconditional love is the key to raising a child who values him or herself.Exploration&nbsp;- Permissive parenting allows children to have more freedom, thus inspiring them to undertake new adventures with a greater sense of confidence.Creativity&nbsp;– Parents allow freedom and not limit their children; Hence they experiment with all sorts of passions and hobbies creative and imaginative play children can grow emotionally, socially, intellectually, and even physically. Cons of Permissive Parenting Giving excessive leniency may have significant negative consequences. Let’s see what the drawbacks of permissive parenting are: A conflict between needs and wants -&nbsp;As children grow older, they might demand a lot of things and have unrealistic and unreasonable expectations. They need guidance and limit-setting from their parents. Since parents do not want to upset their children, they give their children everything they ask for. The child does not learn the difference between needs and wants.Lack of time management -&nbsp;In the absence of rules and behaviour at home, these children may not learn the value of time. They might spend too much time watching television or playing online games.Lack of parental control -&nbsp;In permissive parenting, the child may come to feel that they are in charge rather than their parents, and experience that can generate significant anxiety.Emotional imbalance -&nbsp;Children who do not have limits set on their behaviour can have difficulty regulating their emotions, especially when their needs are not met.

Permissive parents usually take on more of a friend role than a parent role. They often encourage their children to talk with them about their problems, but they usually don't put much effort into discouraging poor choices or bad behavior.

Permissive Parenting

Ravina Sewani

<ul><li>After babies, everything becomes secondary. And by everything, we mean EVERYTHING. Parenting becomes the most important thing for a husband and wife after having a baby. Most of the times, parents are exhausted by looking after the child all day long that their private bedtime takes a backseat.</li><li>The little time that a husband and wife get to spend with each other at night is also interrupted by a child's unannounced show-up. Most parents have been through the awkward situation when their child catches them while the parents are having sex.</li><li>Parents are usually startled when this happens and on the other hand, children are either usually afraid or confused about what they saw. Talk to your child appropriate to their age. Do not over explain yourself.</li><li>The first thing you want to do is to get something to cover yourself - maybe use a bed-sheet or wrap your clothes around yourself and your child to go to their room. Assure them that you will be with them in a minute. This calms the child down and also gives you a time lag to think about how you will talk to your child about the situation.</li></ul> For a child of 3-5 years of age:<ul><li>If your child is very young, say 3-5 years of age, they probably don't understand what they have seen. Instead they are worried about whether one of the parent was hurting the other one. In this case, you can assure your child that both the mother and father are safe&nbsp;&nbsp;</li><li>There is no need to lie and get all uncomfortable. Maintain your calm and clarify to your child that both the parents are safe. Let them know that they should not have walked in over you but also tell them that it WAS NOT THEIR FAULT.</li><li>Parents can simply tell the kids, "Mommy and Daddy were hugging, because we love each other".</li></ul> For a child of 6-10 years of age:<ul><li>If your child is older say of 6-10 years of age and stumbles upon you while having sex, they might feel ashamed and insecure. That is because kids never imagine their parents as doing anything else apart from 'parenting.'</li><li>To these older children, you can say, "Mommy and Daddy were just having a private time together". Ask them to go their room and be with them when you are dressed up. Calm them down and explain to them that it was not their fault. Tell them that all parents spend some private time.</li></ul> Precautions for next time:<ul><li>Lock the door. Cannot stress this enough but this is the least and the best thing which you can do. If you are worried about your child being alone, you can have your special time when your child is asleep so you can lock the doors with relief.</li><li>Teach your child to knock before entering anyone's room. Be it even their parent's room.</li></ul>

Getting caught in the act is awkward for a child as well as the parents.

Caught-in-the-act!

Dr Aliraza Khunt

Late sleeping habits can be due to many reasons:<ul><li>This situation can arise due to the atmosphere in the house and lifestyle of family members.</li><li>These days parents themselves stay up late watching TV and using phones even after going to bed.</li><li>Studies reveal that if a child sleeps late then there are more chances of the child getting obese.</li><li>Ideally child should not sleep late. To help children sleep early, the parents can dim the lights and maintain silence in the house- the ambience to sleep should be created.</li><li>Even the parents should develop a habit of going early to bed.There is no such medication for sleep which can be given to children.</li><li>Only thing that can be done is following a proper sleep ritual to&nbsp;develop a habit of sleeping early.</li><li>You can make bedtime interesting by planning a different activity with your child before going to bed.</li><li>Few babies have habit of late evening nap. Avoid that to prevent late night sleep.</li></ul> Following the above measures can help you improve your child's sleep cycle.

By following proper measures, the habit of sleeping late can be improved upon.

Late sleeping habit in children

Palak Vyas

Babies putting things in their mouths, otherwise known as mouthing, is not only normal, but also signals a growing interest in the world around them. In the first year, children explore their surroundings through their senses - seeing, touching, hearing, smelling, and tasting. The more they explore, the more they learn. But be careful about the following things:<ul><li>Keep the child away from choking hazardous things/toys. Provide them with bigger toys with smooth edges so that children do not swallow the toys.</li><li>Try and replace the items that are not safe in their hands either with some eatables or any other better option. Distraction is the key.</li><li>Constantly taking away things from their hands will only result into rebellious stubborn behaviour, rather gently distract them by giving suitable things and toys.</li></ul>

Mouthing or putting everything in mouth is very common. It signals growth so do not worry much.

Mouthing

Samiksha Choithani

Car sickness is usually caused as the brain receives conflicting information from inner ears, eyes and nerves. The child cannot see outside the car but can feel the motion. This conflicting situation can lead to upset stomach, fatigue, loss of appetite and vomiting.Here is what you can do to prevent it:<ul><li>Guide the child to look outside instead of using phone, playing game or reading a book. If the child can sleep during travelling, it is the best.</li><li>Plan your child’s meal before travelling, avoid giving too much of food or oily or spicy food before travelling. Give them plain or simple food like upma or khichdi or daal-rice.</li><li>Candies will provide relief during nausea (vomiting sensation), try to give them ginger candies if available.</li><li>Distract the child or keep them busy talking to them about the trip or play his/her favourite music or sing rhymes together.</li><li>If you are talking a long road trip take medicines prescribed by your paediatrician and take frequent breaks during the long journey.</li><li>If your child gets car sick, immediately stop the car and take them out, walk around, place a cool napkin on child’s head.</li></ul>

Getting car sick is very common in adults as well as among children. If your child has a history getting car sick, it is better to go for other travelling options. If it is completely unavoidable, few measures might help your child feel better.

Caring for car sick children

Authoritative parenting style; the parents are nurturing, responsive, and supportive, yet set firm limits for their children. They attempt to control children's behaviour by explaining rules, discussing, and reasoning. They listen to a child's viewpoint but don't always accept it. Children raised with this style tend to be friendly, energetic, cheerful, self-reliant, self-controlled, curious, cooperative and achievement-oriented. This parenting style generally produces the best outcomes in children. CharacteristicsParents in this style have high expectations, but also know the importance of open communication and provide the support their kids need to be successful. They offer consistent discipline, considering the situation. They also are role models of the behaviour they expect from their children. <ol><li>Responsive and demanding –&nbsp;Parents in this style have high expectations, but also know the importance of open communication. Parents support their kids to manage their behaviours. This approach is the most effective parenting style leading to the healthiest outcomes for children and thus the lowest difficulties scores.</li><li>Independent and self-reliant -&nbsp;Parents encourage children to be independent and develop their own identities, but at the same time, they also provide rules for their children. Due to the guidance children receive, the children tend to follow them consistently.</li><li>Higher academic performance -&nbsp;Parents support their children. Whether it's weekly homework or a particular project, they make themselves available and provide all the necessary tools for their children's success in school. They're present at school events and meetings. Their expectations for home and in school are consistent but reasonable and age-appropriate.</li><li>Open-minded -&nbsp;These parents are adaptable and willing to provide explanations. They help their children understand the reasoning behind specific rules. This type of openness and discussion helps their child develop good communication and social skills. They may also become more flexible and open-minded with others.</li><li>Reasonable emotional control and regulation -&nbsp;These parents show good emotional understanding and control. Their children also learn to manage their emotions and learn to understand others. Hence, it helps them to build healthy self-esteem and self-confidence.</li></ol> Effects on ChildrenThe authoritative parenting style takes a more balanced approach. Parents are neither bosses nor best buddies, but guides and mentors. Below are the impacts of authoritative parenting on a child: <ul><li>They learn to think&nbsp;independently and are very self-confident.</li><li>They can manage&nbsp;aggressive behaviour&nbsp;outside the home.</li><li>Children are also&nbsp;happy, capable and successful.</li><li>Achieve higher&nbsp;academic success.</li><li>Have&nbsp;better mental health&nbsp;— less depression, anxiety, suicide attempts, alcohol, and drug use.</li><li>Develop&nbsp;good social skills.</li><li>Exhibit&nbsp;less violent&nbsp;tendencies.</li><li>Children are&nbsp;well-adjusted and goal-oriented.</li></ul> Pros of Authoritarian ParentingWhen it comes to authoritative parenting, it's pretty much all good news! Parents communicate in confident, friendly and peaceful ways, and do not set goals based on the child's desires, but rather, based on past performances and achievements. Responsibility -&nbsp;Children who are raised by authoritative parents understand the responsibilities for the choices they make, which empowers them to make the right decisions.Respect -&nbsp;Children whose parents show them respect by allowing them individual freedoms are more likely to respect others. They often thrive in social settings and get along well in social life.Flexibility –&nbsp;Raising children using this style allows for more flexibility with age. As your child grows older, their needs and desires change. Thus, the child will grow with a better personality, which is more comfortable for the authoritative parent to deal with.Leadership -&nbsp;Because of their ability to make their own decisions, these children have the kind of confidence and savvy that allows them to take on leadership roles. Cons of Authoritarian ParentingOften in life, finding a balance between two alternatives is the best solution to a problem, and that's certainly the case here. But that doesn't mean that everything will be smooth sailing as long as you practice authoritative parenting. Rebellion -&nbsp;As they grow, kids go through typical phases of rebellion, anger and apathy. These phases may be incredibly tricky for authoritative parents, who naturally have high expectations of their children, and have tried hard to raise their kids the best way possible. Here, patience is the key to success.Low Self-Esteem –&nbsp;Some children may feel that their world is being controlled and they don't have the freedom to exercise their judgments and actions.Difficulty to Adapt -&nbsp;An authoritative parent tends to try to be the best parent possible at all stages of childhood, which can add more stress to parenthood. Hence there will be an issue in adapting and creating rules in different stages for child growth and development.

There isn’t a single formula for raising children well. After all, parenting isn’t an exact science. There’s definitely a bit of an art to good parenting. Authoritative parents carefully define limits for children, are good role models and praise children for their efforts.

Authoritative Parenting

Raising a single child is absolutely alright; do not let the external pressure and guilt affect you. You can raise an only child with good attributes of sharing and negotiation. You might be worried about loneliness but friends are often a new family. Following points will help you to raise your single child in a fulfilling way:<ul><li>Instil social skills by frequent interactions with neighbours and close family members regularly.</li><li>Help your child become self reliant, share daily chores; this will keep them occupied and make them independent.</li><li>Talk to them often, try to be best friends and do crazy stuff with your toddler. Like pretend play, cycling, clay moulding or racing.</li><li>Let them have play dates or you can also think of enrolling them in weekend sessions for dance, music or sports. Engage them in age appropriate activities.</li><li>Ensure an hour is spent outdoors or in outdoor play areas (parks and gardens).</li><li>Once in a while, plan a family outing to the nearest zoo, water-park, amusement-park, etc.</li></ul>

Raising a single child is absolutely alright; do not let the external pressure affect you.

Raising a single child

Fighting in front of your kids has a very negative impact on their growing years. So whenever a situation arises where you think that things might get heated, it is better to walk away from that place or tell your spouse “we will talk about this later”. You can talk about your issues separately and vent everything out because keeping things to yourself will affect your mental health.<ul><li>The first step is just walk out of that situation.&nbsp;</li><li>The second step is to wait till you are not around your children or you both are alone.</li><li>The third step is to reflect whether it is worth fighting on that particular point or not. If you can, just let it go with the passage of time.</li></ul> If your argument is related to your child’s upbringing or academics or just a difference of opinion between you and your spouse regarding your child, talk this through in a calmer but firmer tone. Not everything needs to be shouted and sorted. This will also help children understand that things can be sorted out without shouting on each other. <ul><li>If you and your spouse cannot sort things out without shouting on each other, it is better to pen down your opinions. Then you can exchange your written points with your spouse. This way there will be more understanding and less shouting.</li><li>After you have listened to or read your spouse’s side of opinions, you can discuss the solutions. Again, if you think that things will not be smooth during verbal discussion, then pen down your views and then discuss with each other.</li></ul>

Arguments between parents have an impact on children for a long time so it's advisable to keep the arguments limited to your room.

How not to fight in front of your child!

Air travel with kids can be challenging for parents of young children. But, remember they are exploring every time they experience a unique situation they are sure to react.Here are some tricks that can help you to keep your calm and happy during the travel:<ul><li>Some children, even adults experience pain in ears while take off if that is the case with your child give them a glass of warm water and guide them to sip it slowly this will help to reduce the pain. Keep talking to them and never insert ear buds in this situation.</li><li>You can also keep a surprise toy in the hand bag and give them a surprise, this will keep them busy throughout the transit.</li><li>Have some story books with you, read them a story or you can tell them stories about the place you are visiting, people you will meet etc.</li><li>If the child is on breast feed, give them proper just before the flight. If the child is hungry he/she is sure to get cranky due to delayed feedings.</li></ul>

Air travel with kids can be challenging for parents of young children. Be patient with them as they are always on the quest of exploring new things.

sibling insecurity parenting concerns

Parenting issues are a part of the everyday parenting journey. Following article(s) might help you with your concern(s).