Ravina Sewani

<ul><li>After babies, everything becomes secondary. And by everything, we mean EVERYTHING. Parenting becomes the most important thing for a husband and wife after having a baby. Most of the times, parents are exhausted by looking after the child all day long that their private bedtime takes a backseat.</li><li>The little time that a husband and wife get to spend with each other at night is also interrupted by a child's unannounced show-up. Most parents have been through the awkward situation when their child catches them while the parents are having sex.</li><li>Parents are usually startled when this happens and on the other hand, children are either usually afraid or confused about what they saw. Talk to your child appropriate to their age. Do not over explain yourself.</li><li>The first thing you want to do is to get something to cover yourself - maybe use a bed-sheet or wrap your clothes around yourself and your child to go to their room. Assure them that you will be with them in a minute. This calms the child down and also gives you a time lag to think about how you will talk to your child about the situation.</li></ul> For a child of 3-5 years of age:<ul><li>If your child is very young, say 3-5 years of age, they probably don't understand what they have seen. Instead they are worried about whether one of the parent was hurting the other one. In this case, you can assure your child that both the mother and father are safe&nbsp;&nbsp;</li><li>There is no need to lie and get all uncomfortable. Maintain your calm and clarify to your child that both the parents are safe. Let them know that they should not have walked in over you but also tell them that it WAS NOT THEIR FAULT.</li><li>Parents can simply tell the kids, "Mommy and Daddy were hugging, because we love each other".</li></ul> For a child of 6-10 years of age:<ul><li>If your child is older say of 6-10 years of age and stumbles upon you while having sex, they might feel ashamed and insecure. That is because kids never imagine their parents as doing anything else apart from 'parenting.'</li><li>To these older children, you can say, "Mommy and Daddy were just having a private time together". Ask them to go their room and be with them when you are dressed up. Calm them down and explain to them that it was not their fault. Tell them that all parents spend some private time.</li></ul> Precautions for next time:<ul><li>Lock the door. Cannot stress this enough but this is the least and the best thing which you can do. If you are worried about your child being alone, you can have your special time when your child is asleep so you can lock the doors with relief.</li><li>Teach your child to knock before entering anyone's room. Be it even their parent's room.</li></ul>

Getting caught in the act is awkward for a child as well as the parents.

Caught-in-the-act!

Palak Vyas

There are two types of carrier available in the market, one is a soft pouch like for young infants and other is the structured frame for older babies. Things to take care of:<ol><li>It should have straps that prevent your baby from falling or slipping out.</li><li>Needs to have padded head support.</li><li>It should fit your baby’s size and weight.</li><li>The shape of the carrier should be deep enough to support your baby’s back.</li><li>The leg opening should be small so that the baby doesn’t slip off.</li><li>Should be easy and comfortable for you and the baby both.</li><li>Avoid carriers that have pinch points where your baby’s fingers might get stuck.</li><li>See that the metal frame around the baby’s face is padded.</li><li>Fabric or material should be strong and durable. Fasteners should be heavy and strong.</li><li>The carrier should have some pockets and zippered compartments to put handy things like a small bottle and handkerchief.</li><li>Never use a framed carrier for an infant who is 0 to 4 months old.</li><li>Any time when you want to lean forward, bend from the knees and not from the waist.</li><li>Check the carrier regularly for fabric, stitching and fasteners.</li></ol>

A baby carrier is a soft padded carrier that you wear on your front to carry your baby comfortably.

Selecting a carrier for your baby

Samiksha Choithani

Getting the baby out of the cradle gets challenging, especially when the child gets comfortable in the cradle. However, it is important to get them on the bed or in a cot. This is how you can break the habit of cradle: <ul><li>Make the child sleep on the lap, keep the lap moving until the child sleeps, slowly make them sleep on the bed. If the child wakes up often, do not give up. Repeat this process for three to four nights and the child will get habituated to bed.</li><li>You can make the child sleep in the cradle but once the child is in deep sleep, pick him/her from the cradle and make them sleep on the bed. If the child wakes up, don’t repeat the process. Cuddle them and make them sleep on the bed only.</li><li>Try to reduce the motion of the cradle for a week and make the child sleep on the bed every alternate day, stick on this routine for a week.</li><li>Make sure any of these patterns are to be strictly followed to break the habit of the cradle. Children will get cranky and it will get even more difficult to handle them during sleepless nights but it will only be a matter of a week or 10 days and your child will enjoy a normal sleep habit.</li></ul>

Babies love to sleep in cradle because the swaying of cradle is soothing to them.

Breaking the cradle sleep habit

Sleep talking is common among children. Sleep talking can be due to:<ul><li>Uneven sleep cycle</li><li>Excitement</li><li>Worry</li><li>Guilt</li><li>Physical illness</li><li>Hereditary</li></ul> Sleep talking among children is not a major cause of concern, however it is important to treat it. Here is how you can reduce or eliminate it:<ul><li>Make bed time free from stress, talk to your child about things that are affecting their behaviour. Communication can help them relieve stress and sleep without worries.</li><li>Regular exercises can also help the child sleep well without disruptions.</li><li>No sugar or caffeine at night.</li><li>Maintain a healthy sleep cycle.</li><li>Don’t wake your child while he/she is sleep talking. They will follow instructions while sleeping and you can calm them gently and guide them to go back to sleep. Waking them will make it harder to go back to sleep.</li></ul>

Sleep talking is common among children. It is not as serious as sleep walking habit and it can be resolved easily.

Resolving sleep talking problems

Juhi Mishra

Try the following to help your child boost his/her self-confidence: 1. Step back and let them choose.Let your child take risks, obviously stay around and stay watchful. Let them make their own choices, solve problems and stick with what they start. Do give children choices within a reasonable set of options pre-selected by you. This can make them feel empowered. 2. Don’t do everything for your child:Be patient and let him do his own thing. For a preschooler to dress is a challenge. Let them take this challenge. New challenges make them more competent and confident. For example, letting them wear their shoes, wearing their clothes, etc. 3. Assign age appropriate household chores:Let little difficulties and risks and problems come in their ways. For example, you can ask them to arrange their bags for school and fold their little clothes or helping you arrange dining table with glasses and plates.. Maybe you can help a little if required. When they accomplish, they will have a feeling that yes they can do it. That is what builds self confidence in them. 4. Let your child know it is okay to be imperfect:Show by example that it is fine if anything is not done perfectly. Give them understanding between perfection and excelling. Teach them that we can always excel and do better than before. 5. Don’t offer insincere praises:Children can easily distinguish between real and fake compliments. Like if they had made a not so good drawing, don’t say wow, that’s amazing. Instead focus on its details and tell him/her that (s) he has added beautiful details in the picture. 6. Appreciate individuality:Don't compare your child either with his friends or siblings. No one likes comparison .Appreciate your child’s uniqueness and teach them the same. 7. Make clear that your love is unconditional:Be always clear that you would love them no matter what. You may not like the habit and you may be a little harsh to them for a bad habit but that doesn’t mean you stop loving them.

Self esteem or self confidence plays a huge role in an individual's life. Encouraging a child's confidence at the right time can do wonders.

Promoting child’s self esteem

Dr Ajab Primuswala

You may be coping up with financial challenges of managing your career or climbing up the corporate ladder, parenting is something where most people are stuck. Raising a child with both parents working is indeed a challenging task. But, do not worry, a research shows that having a working mother has no impact on children’s happiness in adulthood. Also, children of working mums and dads are often successful in their later careers. The key here is to divide the household chores and child’s responsibilities equally among both the partners. For example if the mother is cooking food, the father should help with the dishes or vice versa. Similarly, if there’s a meeting or function to be attended in the child’s school, both the parents should do it alternatively. It should fall on to any one of the parents’ shoulders. Things to take into consideration here are:<ul><li>Work timings of both the parents: Say for example if the father has to report to work early in the morning, it is obvious that he won’t be able to take up the household chores in the morning. If the child has to go to school in the morning, the mother will have to look after that if she has the time in hand.</li><li>Work profile of both the parents: Say for example, if the work profile of the mother is stronger than the father and requires more time, then the free time that the mother gets should be first devoted to the child and then to the household chores. Or the mother can opt to do the household chores along with the child. This will help her to bind with the child better.&nbsp;</li><li>Both the partners should be mature enough to understand the above two points and work in the direction in which both the parents get equal amount of quality time to spend with the child.</li><li>Make sure that the time which you are spending with the child should be quality time. play family games post dinner, go for a walk together. A weekly ritual of spending the day on a day off also does wonders. Take the opportunity to learn about their interests, what is going on in their schools and classes, how are things with their friends, if there is anything that’s bothering them, etc.</li><li>In all these, do not forget to spend alone time with your partner. You both are each other’s strongest pillars. Once in a while, plan family outings so everyone is just having fun with each other by leaving behind the worries.</li><li>If your partner is not helping you share the responsibilities of the house and of the child, talk to your partner calmly and make them understand that you cannot do this single handed and it might take a toll on your mental health.</li><li>Make them understand that for healthy family dynamics, you will need their full support in everything.</li><li>In case if you are not able to sort it out, you can take counsellor’s help to resolve the situation between both of you.</li></ul> What can be done to reduce the burden on working parents other than sharing the responsibilities:<ul><li>Find a quality Day care: Find good, trustworthy, hygienic day care for your child. This will help you stay at peace and focus on your work at office. Also, ensure it offers flexible hours. In case if the grandparents are available and are ready and healthy enough to take care of your child, that option can also be considered.</li><li>Have a good morning routine: This is extremely important for working parents as a haphazard morning can spoil both your and the child’s day. Spend some time while brushing teeth together, give a long and refreshing shower, have breakfast together and a little conversation while you drop the child at school/bus/van.</li><li>Stay organised: Prepare everything a night before, pack the bag, chop vegetables, have a menu for breakfast. This will give you enough time to spend with your child.</li><li>Take good care of yourself: When you are tired and stretched, it gets difficult to manage both work and home. Have some ‘me time’ wake up a little early – exercise or go for a walk in green surroundings. A healthy body and healthy mind will keep you fit and energetic for the day.</li><li>Take help whenever required: You can always seek assistance from parents or grandparents. Offer car pooling for evening activity class on a busy day at work and arrange for a play date for children over the weekend.</li><li>Avoid planning to give equal time for both: You cannot practically do that because some days are extremely busy at work and sometimes baby’s health/education will need an extra attention. Flexibility at work and home is the key to strike the right balance.</li><li>Be a smart cook: you can boil 2 – 3 types of lentils on weekends and stuff them in refrigerator, this will save your cooking time on weekdays and spare time to spend with your kids. If your finances allow, outsource certain tasks like cleaning, cooking etc.</li><li>Discipline sleep schedule: The efforts should not be to wake up early; the efforts should be about sleeping on time. Spend more bedtime with kids and wake up early together. Share small household chores with your kid(s).</li></ul>

When both the parents are working, it becomes a tad bit difficult to manage work, household chores, and spending time with the child.

Working parents and Responsibilities

Prachi Shah

Seema Ganatra

Digital addiction is an impulse control disorder which involves obsessive use of devices/screens despite the negative effects on the user. Children, especially between the age of 2 to 10 years of age, do not know that excessive screen time has negative effects on them. Hence, we cannot claim that our children have digital addiction. Addiction, in general, is when an individual knows that something has a negative impact on them and yet they cannot stop themselves from doing/using that particular thing. Kids use screens for entertainment. When they look at a screen, a hormone called "dopamine" is released in their body. Dopamine is also called as a "feel good" hormone. Not going very deep into scientific know-hows, long story short, if we can replace our kids' screen time which excites them and keeps them occupied or entertained equally as screens do, we can effectively reduce the screen time in our children. How much screen time is OK for a child?<ul><li>According to World Health Organisation (WHO), children below 18 months should not be exposed to any kind of screens (TV/mobile/tablet/laptop) at all except taking to parents/grandparents over a video call.</li><li>Children between the age of 18 to 24 months can enjoy screen time only when accompanied by a parent or a caregiver. This screen time should be quality screen time and should be limited to no more than 20-30 minutes in a day.</li><li>Children between 2 to 5 years should be limited to 1 hour of screen time in a day. This screen time should be monitored by a parent or a caregiver.</li></ul> Identify in which situation is your child exposed to screens? Following are the scenarios in which children turn to screens:<ol><li>While eating</li><li>Outdoors, for example - at restaurants</li><li>During social gathering or when guests are home</li><li>Before sleep</li><li>When parent is busy in work</li><li>Grandparent hands it over</li></ol> Tackling the above scenarios: While eating:<ul><li>Gradually decrease the frequency of using screens. If you suddenly take away their phones, the child might throw many tantrums.</li><li>No family member should watch TV/mobile/laptop while eating</li><li>Replace screens with big picture books, preferably of food. This will develop their interest in the kind of food they are eating.</li><li>Tell them a story.</li><li>Have a meal talk - talk to them about the food that is in their plate, food smell, food colour, and food taste.</li><li>Appreciate them at the food table when they finish the food in their plate or try out a new vegetable/dish for the first time.</li><li>Bring no negative vibes at the food table.</li><li>Make sure, the entire family eats together. This way you can talk among each other and the child would not find the need to look at a screen.</li></ul> After 2 and half years age, children should eat in their own plate with the entire family. When you are eating with your child, do not use screens. If you do, then please acknowledge and apologise for the same. Outdoors, for example - at restaurants:<ul><li>Carry cube or any favourite toy</li><li>Involve in talk &amp; meaning full conversation</li><li>Mental preparation &amp; clear communication</li><li>Scribbling &amp; take along water book with paint brush</li><li>Feel the menu card</li><li>Feel of ambience</li></ul> During social gathering or when guests are home:<ul><li>Send them for outdoor play.</li><li>Accompany with grand-parents.</li><li>Clear communication &amp; expected behaviour talk.</li><li>Activities (Worksheet) appreciate for good behaviour.</li></ul> Before sleep:<ul><li>Replace the screen with:</li><li>Bed time stories</li><li>Recite verses, play soft music, meditate, or sing them a lullaby</li><li>Sleep talk regime - Decide</li><li>Sharing time</li></ul> When parent is busy in work:<ul><li>Involve child in household activities like taking out peas from pea pods, setting the table up for meals, cleaning their room, watering the plants. These activities will keep them away from phones and also instil motor skills, emotional skills in your child.</li><li>Call your child's friends to play at home.</li></ul> Grandparents hand it over:<ul><li>Both the parents should together talk to the grandparents to set family rules regarding the use of TV/phones/laptops.</li><li>Discuss limits and boundaries as a family which are applicable to everyone in the house. Decide how much time is it acceptable to use screens when at home.</li><li>No screens on dining table or before sleeping.</li></ul> Effects of excessive screen time on children:<ul><li>Obesity</li><li>Irregular sleep schedules and shorter duration of sleep</li><li>Behavioural problems</li><li>Loss of social skills</li><li>Violence</li><li>Less time for play</li></ul> How can we reduce our dependence on electronic babysitters and find a balance between sanity and screen time? Here are few tips for you to try at your home: Set Strict Time Limits: When you introduce the privilege of screen time, set strict time limits – and stick to them. Parents become addicted to the easy tech breaks just as much as kids get addicted to the entertainment, so this is a challenge for both of you. Embrace Boredom: Remember that boredom is not a disease that needs to be cured. Boredom is actually healthy, and kids need to experience it as part of their normal developmental process to learn how to fill and manage their time efficiently. Boredom also fosters creativity and imagination. Encourage Time Outside: Nothing sparks a child’s imagination like time outdoors. Take your child to the park and watch them play in the sand and on rides for hours. Walk in the woods and let them discover how sticks and rocks make better toys than screens. Send them out into the backyard and see how they entertain themselves with simple pretend play. Screen time won’t even cross your kids’ minds when they are outside enjoying themselves. Insist On Daily Quiet Time: You do need your sanity, and it is possible to get it without using electronics. Insist that your children have a daily “quiet time” for 1.5 to 2 hours each day. If they are past the age of napping, suggest that they look at books in their room or play quietly and independently with toys. While it might not feel blissful the first day you institute your new quiet time policy, if you are firm with your expectations your kids will catch on quickly. This will then become a time that they look forward to every day. Explore Audiobooks: You do not have to completely give up electronics when you give up screens. Audiobooks are great – especially for children who can’t read well on their own yet – and allow children’s imaginations to run wild while keeping them entertained. Following little pointers will also go a long way:<ul><li>Use parental controls to block or filter internet content.</li><li>When watching programming with your child, discuss what you're watching and educate him or her about advertising and commercials.</li><li>Create tech-free zones or times, such as during mealtime or one night a week.</li><li>Discourage use of media entertainment during homework.</li><li>Keep screens out of your child's bedroom.</li><li>Limit your own screen time.</li><li>Eliminate background TV.</li></ul> Remember, the goal is not just to take away the screens from children but also replacing screens with something which helps them develop their intellectual, social, behavioural, emotional, and motor skills.

In today's era, almost all parents face the problem of "Digital Addiction" in children. One question to ponder upon though is, "Who introduced them to screens and why?" While you figure out the answer to this question, let's have a look at what digital addiction is.

All about Digital Addiction

Fighting in front of your kids has a very negative impact on their growing years. So whenever a situation arises where you think that things might get heated, it is better to walk away from that place or tell your spouse “we will talk about this later”. You can talk about your issues separately and vent everything out because keeping things to yourself will affect your mental health.<ul><li>The first step is just walk out of that situation.&nbsp;</li><li>The second step is to wait till you are not around your children or you both are alone.</li><li>The third step is to reflect whether it is worth fighting on that particular point or not. If you can, just let it go with the passage of time.</li></ul> If your argument is related to your child’s upbringing or academics or just a difference of opinion between you and your spouse regarding your child, talk this through in a calmer but firmer tone. Not everything needs to be shouted and sorted. This will also help children understand that things can be sorted out without shouting on each other. <ul><li>If you and your spouse cannot sort things out without shouting on each other, it is better to pen down your opinions. Then you can exchange your written points with your spouse. This way there will be more understanding and less shouting.</li><li>After you have listened to or read your spouse’s side of opinions, you can discuss the solutions. Again, if you think that things will not be smooth during verbal discussion, then pen down your views and then discuss with each other.</li></ul>

Arguments between parents have an impact on children for a long time so it's advisable to keep the arguments limited to your room.

How not to fight in front of your child!

The best guideline is this simple one: Dress your newborn in the same number of layers you’re wearing yourself, plus one. For winters:<ul><li>Think layers. It’s always best to layer baby’s clothing, which traps heat between the layers. Thin cotton clothes work well, maybe a long sleeved shirt and pants or even a snowsuit if your little one is going to be in very cold temps. Cover up. Make sure that your baby is completely covered from head-to-toe. Make sure you have gloves, a woollen cap, thick socks and snow boots handy in times of the need.</li><li>Don’t forget blankets outside. If you’re headed out in the stroller, his plus-one layer can be a blanket and/or his stroller’s rain cover, which will keep out the elements and keep in some heat.</li><li>Beware of overheating. Babies dressed in too many layers (of blankets or clothing) are at greater risk for overheating and SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). If you’ve been out, remove your baby’s winter clothes as soon as you come inside (yes, even if (s)he is asleep!).</li></ul> For warmer weather dress your baby accordingly:<ul><li>Reduce the number of layers: When the sun is out and temperature is warm, use lighter fabrics that are breathable. Allowing your baby’s body to breathe and not get too hot.</li><li>Choose Quality Fabrics: Focus on purchasing quality fabrics that are less likely to irritate your baby’ skin. Cotton is usually the recommended fabric because it allows the baby’s skin to breathe easily.</li><li>Choose Loose clothing: Always opt for loose fitted clothing that will allow your baby’s skin to breathe. It has been found that tight fitting clothes don’t give ample space for your little ones sensitive skin to breathe. They are more likely to break out in a rash because of overheating.</li><li>When shopping take note of the tags and what the material of your baby’s clothing is made of.</li></ul>

sleep blabbering parenting concerns

Parenting issues are a part of the everyday parenting journey. Following article(s) might help you with your concern(s).