Palak Vyas

Before asking them to stop shouting, identify from where they learned it. Usually, children learn such behaviour from home itself or from their surroundings. If as a parent, you are yelling at your child, the first thing you need to do is stop shouting at your child. Child models your behaviour. What they see, they learn. If you have screamed at your child for a certain thing, they learn that screaming at people gets the task done. Once they learn to yell, it's difficult for them to unlearn. Steps you can take to stop your child from yelling: <ul><li>Face to face communication: Whenever you talk to your child, look them in the eye and calmly convey your message. Do not make faces. Stop staring and glaring at them. Always, go near to your child or call them near and then talk calmly. Do not show a frustrated or angry face or use abusive language.</li><li>Use a timetable to avoid conflict: When the time table is pre-decided there are fewer chances of conflict and anger and frustration. Gradually, the child develops the habit of accepting the time frames for particular activities and follows it. Stay flexible and understanding if your child fails to follow the timetable once in a while.</li><li>Walk out of the argument: In instances where the child is yelling, tell them, “It is not right to shout and yell at others. Let’s calm down and then talk”. Don’t sound stubborn but be firm.</li><li>Set an example: Yes! We know the situation is frustrating and triggering for you, but this is your test. Maintain your calm and composure during the argument. This may seem difficult but with practice, you will learn it too.</li></ul> In cases of toddler’s yelling there are few points that need to be considered:<ul><li>Toddlers scream just to check their ability to scream and experiment. It might be a fun thing for them.</li><li>Sometimes they yell to grab attention or to have a toy. In short, they yell to show the power and make you believe that you either fulfil their wish or they will shout and get it. In such cases, if you do what they ask just to escape their shouting, you are making a huge mistake. Be firm and calmly tell them whatever they do, you would only listen to them when they lower your voice.</li><li>At times they might be really uncomfortable in some situations so always make it a point to first ask them the issue and then respond accordingly.</li></ul>

Shouting only makes matters worse, be it you or your child.

Dealing with a constantly shouting child

Ravina Sewani

Most eye injuries are minor, like getting soap in the eye or a speck of dirt under the eyelid. Getting chilli in the eye has to be the most irritating one. Before you comfort your child, properly wash your hands clean with soap and water. Remember, that no soap remains in your hand. Symptoms of eye injuries:<ul><li>Redness around or in the eye</li><li>Stinging or burning</li><li>Watering</li><li>Sensitivity to light</li><li>Blurred vision</li><li>Swelling of the eyelids</li><li>Discoloration around the eye</li></ul> Chilli in eye:<ul><li>If your child has got chilli in the eye, (s)he will experience burning sensation in the eye and the eye will turn red.</li><li>To relieve your child, you need to grab the milk from the refrigerator.</li><li>Soak a paper towel in milk and then gently pat (don’t rub) around the child’s eye. Let the milk-soaked paper towel then rest gently on your child’s eye.</li><li>Once your child is relieved from the immediate pain, pour a few drops of milk in your child’s eyes to calm down the rest of the burn. Then soak another paper towel in the milk and gently pat around the eye.</li><li>Milk is more effective than water so if you have milk available, it is better not to go for water.</li></ul> When an irritant enters the eye like sand or dirt: If you think your child has a particle in the eye or a minor irritation:<ul><li>Wash your hands before touching the eye area.</li><li>Flush the eye with water as soon as possible.</li><li>Tilt your child's head over a basin with the injured eye pointed down.</li><li>Gently pull down the lower lid.</li><li>Gently pour a steady stream of lukewarm (not hot) water over the eye.</li><li>Flush the eye for up to 15 minutes, checking every 5 minutes to see if the particle has been flushed out or not.</li></ul> When there is a foreign body embedded in the eye: This happens when an object reaches the globe of the eye. If an object, such as a piece of glass or metal, is sticking out of the eye, take the following steps:<ul><li>Call for emergency medical help.</li><li>Cover the affected eye with a small cup taped in place. The point is to keep all pressure off the eye.</li></ul> In case of Chemical Exposure:<ul><li>If your child gets a chemical in the eye and you know what it is, look on the product's container for an emergency number to call for instructions.</li><li>If you don't know what caused the irritation, flush the eye immediately with lukewarm water for 15 to 30 minutes. If both eyes are affected, flush them in the shower.</li><li>Call for emergency medical help.</li></ul> Black Eyes and Blunt InjuriesA black eye is often a minor injury. But this bruising of the eye can sometimes lead to a significant eye injury or head trauma. A visit to the doctor or an eye specialist might be needed to rule out serious injury. For a black eye:<ul><li>Apply cold compresses intermittently: 5 to 10 minutes on, 10 to 15 minutes off. If you use ice, cover it with a towel to protect the delicate skin on the eyelid.</li><li>Use cold compresses for 24 to 48 hours, then switch to applying warm compresses intermittently. This will lead to the discolouration of the injured area.</li><li>If the child is in pain, get a painkiller prescribed by the doctor.</li><li>Give an extra pillow to the child at night and encourage him or her to sleep on the uninjured side of the face (pressure can increase swelling).</li></ul> In any type of injury, call for medical help if your child has:<ul><li>Been struck in the eye with a ball or other object</li><li>Increased redness</li><li>Trouble seeing</li><li>Severe eye pain</li><li>Visible eyeball abnormality</li><li>Been exposed to chemicals</li><li>Blood in the eye</li><li>Eye discomfort</li><li>A swollen, red, or painful area around the eye or eyelid</li><li>Nausea or vomiting after an eye injury</li></ul> Prevention:Make your child wear protective gear while they play sports. Keep chemicals and other hazardous objects out of the reach of children.

Most eye injuries are minor, like getting soap in the eye or a speck of dirt under the eyelid.

Eye injury in children

Nyctophobia is when a child fears nighttime or darkness, this is one of the common childhood fears that progresses till adolescence. Fear of darkness or sleeping alone at night usually develops between 3 to 6 years (36 to 72 months) of age. At this age some of the common fears are:<ul><li>Monsters</li><li>Ghosts</li><li>Strange noises</li></ul> Causes:<ul><li>Looking at the anxiety or fear of a parent/caregiver could develop a phobia in a child.</li><li>Over protection by parents can also lead to anxiety when left alone or without parents (with other family members).</li><li>Late night negative experience, like an accident while travelling or injury can lead to anxiety and panic during long term.</li></ul> Physical symptoms:<ul><li>Sweating</li><li>Increased rate of heart beat</li><li>Trembling</li><li>Discomfort in speaking</li><li>Tightness in the chest</li><li>Shortness of breath</li><li>Upset stomach</li><li>Numbness</li><li>Feeling dizzy or fainting</li><li>Nausea</li></ul> Psychological symptoms:<ul><li>Feeling out of touch with reality or detached from your body</li><li>Fear of fainting</li><li>Fear of losing control</li><li>Fear of dying</li></ul> Diagnosis:<ul><li>A mental health expert can diagnose phobia; keep a regular track of your child’s behaviour/health in particular situations and with objects.</li><li>Phobia diagnosis is based on diagnostic guidelines and a thorough clinical interview. If you feel that your child has a phobia, take him/her to a healthcare expert. Your child's doctor will either ask you or your child about the symptoms. The doctor might also take a medical, psychiatric, and family history.</li><li>Your child's doctor might also use the diagnostic criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).</li></ul> Treatment:<ul><li>Exposure therapy: This treatment exposes children to their fears repeatedly until the thing they fear, such as being in the dark, no longer triggers the feelings of anxiety or panic.</li><li>Cognitive Behavioural therapy (CBT): This type of therapy helps children identify their feelings of anxiety and replace them with more positive or realistic thoughts with the help of a therapist. With nyctophobia, your child may be presented with information to show that being in the dark doesn’t necessarily lead to negative consequences.</li><li>Modelling: In this method the child sees other person facing the situation without fear and panic.</li><li>Virtual reality (VR): It's a treatment where your child will be exposed to computer simulations of dark places. Getting the experience of a dark place in the virtual world can help your child get over his/her fear in a setting that feels safe.</li><li>Medicines like tranquillisers and antidepressants (prescribed by a doctor) can be helpful along with the above treatments.</li></ul>

Nyctophobia is when a child fears nighttime or darkness.

Nyctophobia - Symptoms, Causes, Diagnosis, Treatment

Choosing a caretaker or nanny for your child can be a little tricky thing. You are looking for your own substitute. You want someone to take care of your child as well as you do because you are putting your child in their care when you cannot. Here are some tips to select nanny on the basis of must have qualities you look for in an ideal nanny:<ul><li>She should love company of children.</li><li>She must have a basic understanding of child development.</li><li>Must be energetic.</li><li>Patience is the key with children. She should not easily get angry.</li><li>She must be safety conscious.</li><li>Should have good communication skills.</li><li>Should be flexible to adapt situations she faces.</li><li>Should be highly responsible.</li><li>Should be reliable and trustworthy.</li><li>Should be respectful of both the parents and the child.</li><li>Should have sound judgement, so as to take proper decision in the absence of parent and in emergency.</li><li>Should be organised.</li><li>Must be self motivated and have strong morals.</li><li>Should have no&nbsp;criminal record.</li><li>She should be someone who can bring positive difference in the lives of children under his/her care.</li><li>She should be trained to be a nanny.</li><li>Nanny, who is mentally healthy and has no serious or communicable disease. In short, she should be mentally, physically, emotionally stable and healthy.</li><li>Above all, she should be willing to want to be a nanny. She should love her work.</li></ul>

Choosing the right caretaker for your child is difficult but not impossible.

Choosing a nanny for your child

The authoritarian parenting style is characterized by parental use of high levels of control behaviours and showing low levels of warmth and support. Authoritarian parents tend to be restrictive, allow little input from children, and provide little reasoning behind rules and regulations. People with this parenting style often use punishment rather than discipline. CharacteristicsThe authoritarian approach represents the most controlling style. Rather than valuing self-control and teaching children to manage their behaviours, they focus on adherence to authority. Instead of rewarding positive behaviour, feedback is in the form of punishments for misbehaviour. <ol><li>Demanding, but not responsive –&nbsp;Such parents want their kids to grow exactly the way they want. Parents have lots of set and unwritten rules for their kids and expect them to follow —even though children receive little to no explicit instruction about these "rules." Instead, children are expected to know that these rules exist.</li><li>Show no feelings or empathy -&nbsp;Parents show no feelings for their children and do not empathize with them. They do not entertain questions or make an effort to understand the child's emotions.</li><li>Little Explanation for Punishments –&nbsp;Yelling and Abusing a child is often seen in such parents, rather than explaining in the love and caring manner when the rules are broken.</li><li>Don't offer choices to children -&nbsp;Parents' approach to discipline is strictly one way. They don't discuss the rules with their children before implementing them. The kids are rarely allowed to make a choice.</li><li>Have a low tolerance for indiscipline and misbehaviour –&nbsp;Parents usually misbehave and expect their children to follow the rules with no choice.</li><li>Lack of trust in their children -&nbsp;Parents, expect high standards from their children. They do not allow them the freedom to put up their best behaviour and make choices. Instead of letting their children make choices, the parents ensure that the kids follow the instructions so that they do not commit mistakes.</li><li>Not Responding to a Child's Questions or Requests -&nbsp;Any conversations from children to their parents are irrelevant and are not met with an acknowledgement. Even when the child successfully manages to adhere to all the expectations, the feedback would still be of expecting a lot more the next time, without any praise or acknowledgement of the present achievement.</li><li>Shame their children for indiscipline -&nbsp;Parents use shame as a strategy and force their children to follow the rules by using phrases such as "Why do you always do that?" "How many times do I have to tell you the same thing?" or "Why can't you do anything right?". These parents believe that shaming them will encourage them to follow the rules.</li></ol> Effects on ChildrenThe authoritarian style of parenting affects kids in different ways. It can impact them mentally, emotionally, and socially. Below are the impacts of authoritarian parenting on Child: <ul><li>Do not learn to think independently and&nbsp;cannot make decisions.</li><li>Display more&nbsp;aggressive behaviour&nbsp;outside the home.</li><li>Act fearful or overly shy&nbsp;around others.</li><li>They grow up with&nbsp;low self-esteem.</li><li>Have difficulty in social gathering due to a&nbsp;lack of social skills.</li><li>More likely to have symptoms of&nbsp;depression and anxiety.</li><li>Poor academic performance&nbsp;due to mental tolerance.</li><li>Lack of creativity&nbsp;as they are afraid that they might go wrong.</li></ul> This generalization appears to apply across a variety of cultures. Kids from authoritarian families may find it more challenging to fend for themselves and make friends. Pros of Authoritarian ParentingOften strict and rigid, authoritarian parents expect their kids to follow the rules at all times. But there are some good things about this parenting style. Good behaviour -&nbsp;Children have a good understanding of what is and isn't acceptable. They are also highly attuned to the negative consequences that can stem from wrong behaviour, so they will avoid stepping out of the line.Safety -&nbsp;Authoritarian parenting places a strong emphasis on safety, which minimizes the types of risky behaviour a child may engage in.Goal-driven -&nbsp;As per the standard of living in this style, children can understand what steps need to be taken to accomplish a goal. Cons of Authoritarian ParentingThis parenting style may lead to symptoms of depression and anxiety. There are several other cons of authoritarian parenting that should be considered if you're adhering to this type of child-rearing. Rule-dependent-&nbsp;A heavy emphasis on rules set by parents without any real explanation, makes children feel insecure and unsure of how to behave in specific scenarios or social gathering.Reduced self-esteem-&nbsp;As choices are limited, child skill development and creativity are limited, which may have a direct impact on his or her self-esteem. Children who depend on others to develop their confidence will often struggle in social situations or new environments.Rebellion -&nbsp;Children eventually grow tired of the seemingly endless list of rules without any discussion. Children then start to defy the rules and risk their safety eventually intentionally.Emotionally withdrawn -&nbsp;Children who are raised by authoritarian parents tend to shy away from expressing their emotions as Parents do not entertain questions or make an effort to understand the child's emotion.

When parents practice tough love parenting, they adopt a parenting style that psychologists call authoritarian parenting. Find out if this parenting style is right for your child.

Authoritarian parenting

If you are separated, it means the child is staying with one of the parents. For positive co-parenting, talk about the positives of your partner so that the child does not develop any negativity about the parent with whom (s)he not staying.Separation results because both the partners cannot work things out smoothly. But just because you could not form a positive rapport with your partner, does not mean that your child will also be not able to stay with your partner. Both the parents need to realise that inflicting negative thoughts about each other is not the way to co-parent. <ul><li>When your child is young, divide the child’s time equally between both the parents. Plan outings where child gets to spend the time with both the parents. This will also give you a chance to understand each other’s parenting opinions and styles. As the child grows, let the child decide that with whom (s)he wants to stay.</li><li>If the reason behind your separation was your partner’s physical or verbal abuse, only then keep a tab about how the time your child spends with your partner affects the child.</li><li>If you observe that your partner’s behaviour is affecting your child negatively, talk to this about your child and voice your concern to them. Once you have talked to your child only then take the necessary steps of say reducing the time your child spends with your partner or anything which you seem fit for your child.</li></ul>

Co-parenting after separation can be difficult to manage but it needs to be worked out between the husband and the wife for the sake of the child.

Co-parenting your child

Children experience mental health issues when they feel pressurised, when they feel that they are not being heard, or when they are going through something. Signs that your child might have mental health issues:<ul><li>Mood changes. Look for feelings of sadness or withdrawal that lasts at least two weeks or severe mood swings causing problems in relationships at home or school.</li><li>Intense feelings. Be aware of feelings of overwhelming fear for no reason or when the child is not able to express the reason of his fear.</li><li>Behaviour changes. These include drastic changes in behaviour or personality, as well as dangerous or out-of-control behaviour. Fighting frequently, using weapons and expressing a desire to badly hurt others are warning signs.</li><li>Difficulty concentrating. Look for signs of trouble focusing or sitting still.</li><li>Unexplained weight loss. A sudden loss of appetite, might indicate an eating disorder.</li><li>Physical symptoms. Frequent headaches and stomach aches could also be a sign of underlying mental health issues.</li><li>Physical harm. Sometimes a mental health condition leads to self-injury, also called self-harm. This is the act of deliberately harming your own body, such as cutting or burning yourself. Children with a mental health condition also might develop suicidal thoughts or attempt suicide.</li></ul> Treatment of mental illness in children: As soon as you see one or more of the mentioned signs, or a combination of few signs, consult a psychologist. The treatment includes:<ul><li>Psychotherapy. Psychotherapy, also known as talk therapy or behaviour therapy, is a way to address mental health concerns by talking with a psychologist or other mental healthcare provider. During psychotherapy, a child might learn about his or her condition, moods, feelings, thoughts and behaviours. A few counselling sessions can help your child cope with the situation.</li><li>Medication. Your child's doctor&nbsp;might recommend that your child take certain medications — such as stimulants, antidepressants, anti-anxiety medications, anti-psychotics or mood stabilisers — to treat his or her mental health condition.</li><li>Some children benefit from a combination of approaches.</li></ul> Helping your mentally ill child:<ul><li>Your child needs your love and support. Talk to the doctor and adapt new ways to handle his/her illness.</li><li>Seek ways to relax and have fun with your child. Praise his or her strengths and abilities.</li><li>Consider seeking family counselling or the help of support groups, too. It's important for you and your loved ones to understand your child's illness and his or her feelings, as well as what all of you can do to help your child.</li><li>To help your child succeed in school, inform your child's teachers and the school counsellor that your child has a mental health condition.</li><li>If you're concerned about your child's mental health, seek advice. Don't avoid getting help for your child out of shame or fear.</li></ul>

It is necessary to pay as much attention to mental health as physical health. Treating mental health problems at the right time is important so that a child has a happy childhood.

Mental health of children

Points to keep in mind while buying and using the stroller: <ol><li>Buy a stroller that is specifically designed for your child’s age, height and weight. Newborn babies should be able to lie down fully in the stroller.</li><li>Five-point harness: Shoulder straps, a strap between the legs and waist belts that connect together.</li><li>If the stroller has a hand-rest at the front of the seat, ensure that the opening between the hand-rest and the seat can be closed when the stroller is used in the reclined position. This means the hand-rest needs to be an adjustable one.</li><li>Check for strollers that have brakes which are easy to use and works as per required.</li><li>Ensure it doesn’t have any parts that pinch your child’s fingers or is some kind of a choking hazard.</li><li>A stroller should be stable. The wheelbase should be wide and the seat should be low in the frame.</li><li>It should not tip backwards while in resting position.</li><li>The leg openings should be appropriately designed so that the child’s legs don’t slip off.</li><li>The handlebars should be at your waist level or maybe lower than that.</li><li>Never leave a child unattended in a stroller.</li><li>Always use the safety harness while using the stroller.</li><li>Ensure to put on brakes when the stroller is not in use.</li></ol>

A stroller is a wheeled vehicle to transport children generally in a sitting up or semi-reclined position by a person pushing on a handle attached to the stroller

Selecting a stroller for your baby

It is not very uncommon for mothers to feel depressed after childbirth. This is called 'Postpartum Depression' (PPD).Childbirth is often followed by a jumble of powerful emotions, from excitement and fear to anxiety and difficulty in making decisions. Most new mums experience “baby blues” which include mood swings, crying spells, anxiety, and difficulty sleeping. But some moms experience a more severe form of depression known as postpartum depression (PPD).&nbsp;While baby blues are short-term, postpartum depression can be long-lasting and can severely affect a woman’s ability to care for herself or for her family. Some of the common symptoms a woman experience during PPD may vary, and they can range from mild to severe:<ul><li>Feeling sad, empty, and hopeless</li><li>Excessive crying</li><li>Difficulty bonding with your partner or baby</li><li>Withdrawing from social life</li><li>Loss of appetite or eating too much</li><li>Not being able to take care of yourself or the baby</li><li>Inability to sleep (insomnia) or oversleeping</li><li>Having trouble concentrating or make decisions</li><li>Frequent headaches</li><li>Losing interest in activities you used to enjoy</li><li>Intense irritability and anger</li><li>Thoughts of harming your baby</li><li>Suicidal thoughts</li><li>Doubting that you're not a good mother</li><li>Feelings of guilt and worthlessness</li><li>Restlessness</li><li>Severe anxiety and panic attacks</li></ul> Reasons of PPD in women:<ul><li>physical changes of pregnancy</li><li>excessive worry about the baby and the responsibilities of being a parent</li><li>a complicated labour and childbirth</li><li>lack of family support</li><li>financial difficulties</li><li>loneliness, not having close friends and family around</li><li>a history of mental health problems</li><li>hormonal changes, due to a sudden and severe drop in oestrogen and progesterone levels following birth</li><li>changes to the sleep cycle</li></ul> Diagnosis:Your mental healthcare provider will ask you to fill up a depression-screening questionnaire to confirm whether you have depression or not. Following are a few ways which you can follow to take care of your stress and emotions:<ol><li>Work on building stronger bond between you and your partner. Understand her needs and desires and talk about your own too. Feel free to express in front of your partner or family or friends.</li><li>Develop a support team from your family. Ask for help. Say YES when they offer.</li><li>Take time for yourself. Have some “me-time” either watching TV, going for a movie or taking a short break from work and spending time doing things you like.</li><li>Talk to other families who have experienced the same.</li><li>Spend time with your baby to develop your own confidence.</li></ol> Treatment:<ul><li>Talk Therapy: PPD is a severe form of clinical depression. Your psychiatrist might suggest you to see a counsellor who will ask you questions about your life. It is important that you answer them honestly. These sessions will help you gain a different and healthier perspective about things. Therapy is different and personalised for everyone but these are a few topics which you might touch in your sessions: your feelings, your beliefs, your behaviour, your life pre and post birth. There are 2 types of talk therapy:</li></ul><ol><li>Cognitive Behavioural Therapy: You and your counselor work together to identify, then change, thoughts and behaviors that are harmful to your mental health.</li><li>Interpersonal therapy: Your therapist helps you better understand how you behave in your relationships and how to work through any problems.</li></ol> <ul><li>Medicine: Antidepressants are drugs designed to treat depression, including postpartum depression. They work on different chemicals in your brain.</li><li>Self-care: Get more sleep and exercise, eat healthy foods, do fun activities and relax. Doing these things can help to boost your mood.</li></ul>

A parent's mental health is of the top most priority when it comes to parenting. A healthy mental space leads to a happy and healthy bond between a parent and a child.

sleep walking parenting concerns

Parenting issues are a part of the everyday parenting journey. Following article(s) might help you with your concern(s).