A few things said in haste messes up a child's brain and have a considerable impact psychologically, like low self-confidence, self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and so much more. Throughout your parenting journey, make sure you are not saying things or acting out in a way that could damage your child(ren) mentally. Sometimes parents are not aware that their actions affect their child(ren) negatively, and sometimes parents overlook it and justify their bad behaviour due to their stress. Here are a few practices which you should avoid telling your child(ren): Pick these up right now. I don't want you leaving a mess like that again.Instead, say:&nbsp;I don't like this mess you are leaving. Can you please clean this up when you have time? You should know better.Instead, say:&nbsp;It's OK not to know some things. Here, I will help you out. You're a bad kid.Instead, say:&nbsp;Can you tell me why you behaved/acted in such a way? I feel it wasn't right, is there anything you want to talk about? Or Else.&nbsp;Example: Eat dinner, or else you won't get your dessert.Instead, say:&nbsp;How about you take a healthy dinner quickly so that we can all enjoy dessert together?&nbsp; Stop being shy.Instead, say:&nbsp;You can come to say hi to your aunt when you are ready. You should set a good example for your brother.Instead, say:&nbsp;Your brother looks up to you; you're such a good role model. Wait until your father/mother gets home.Instead, say:&nbsp;You're grounded because you said a bad word. I will never forgive you.Instead, say:&nbsp;What you did was not acceptable, but we can look past it and move on if you think the next time. I'm ashamed of you.Instead, say:&nbsp;Although I feel bad about what you did, I love you for who you are. Don't worry; everything will be OK.Instead, say:&nbsp;Mom and Dad are always nearby, and we're going to set up a plan in case of emergency. Here, I'll do it.Instead, say:&nbsp;Let's do it together!" Don't cryInstead, say:&nbsp;I know you're sad, and it's OK to cry. It's OK to let out your emotions. Let me hug you. If you don't clean your room, you're going to be in big trouble.Instead, say:&nbsp;When your room is clean, then you may go out to play. Family finances aren't your business.Instead, say:&nbsp;Finances are how we make and manage money, and when you like, we will teach you what we know. I'm disappointed in you.Instead, say:&nbsp;I'm surprised and was not expecting this to occur. Come here, NOW.Instead, say:&nbsp;It's almost time to go. Do you want one minute or two? Because I said so.Instead, say:&nbsp;Explaining why you feel a certain way about something. We can't afford that.Instead, say:&nbsp;We're not going to buy that because we're saving our money for more important things. Don't talk to strangers.Instead, say:&nbsp;What would you do if a man you don't know offers you candy and a ride home? OR If anyone makes you feel sad, scared, or confused, you need to tell me right away. You should listen to adults.Instead, say:&nbsp;You need to listen to your parents. Don't be greedy!Instead, say:&nbsp;Would you please be kind and share your toys with your friend? Who taught you this? (about mischief)Instead, say:&nbsp;Why did you do that? Look at this lovely girl.Instead, say:&nbsp;I love you. You can do this too. I do everything for you.Instead, say:&nbsp;We do things for you because we love you, so please do for me. Do I have to tell you this 100 times?Instead, say:&nbsp;I've told you this before, but could you please. That's only for boys/girls.Instead:&nbsp;Say nothing at all. Try your best at raising gender-neutral children. You live under my roof, so you follow my rules.Instead, say:&nbsp;You know the household rules. Please stick to them. That's how I was raised.Instead, say:&nbsp;I don't think it's a good idea to do [ ]. Even my parents used to tell me that [ ]. You're just like your mother/father!Instead say:&nbsp;I’m not happy with [ ] because [ ]. I told you so.Instead, say:&nbsp;I'm sorry to hear about [ ] ... let this be a lesson. It's just a little white lie.Instead, explain to them that it's OK to use white lies to be polite and not hurt someone's feelings. Explain to them the fine line between lies and little white lies. Man up. / Be a man.Never disregard your son's feelings. Don't teach them that showing emotions is weak. To show emotions is only human. Why can't you be more like your sister?Instead, say:&nbsp;I don't quite like this behaviour of yours. Do you think we can work on it? If you loved me, you wouldn't do (this/that).Don't teach them that love needs to be proven all the time. Love comes without ifs and buts. I wish you'd never been born. / I hate you.No matter how angry you are, this is the worst thing to say. You would be scarring your child. Why can't you do anything right?Instead, say: What's the barrier? Is there anything I can help you with? I don't believe you.Instead, say: This comes as a shock for me. But I am sure you can tell me the whole thing. There's nothing to be afraid of.Instead, say:&nbsp;Everyone has their fair share of fears. We appreciate that you shared your feelings with us. We promise we will work on this together. You're lazy/stupid/selfish.Never label your child. Never. Your friends don't do that.Comparison will never bring any positive change. Accept your child for who they are and appreciate them. You should have done better.Praise them for their achievement. Do not over expect. You don't know what you're talking about. / You're too young to know what you want.Often children know what they want or how they feel. Saying this will show your distrust in their feelings. You'll never be able to do that.Instead, encourage and push your child to do better, of course, without any comparison. You're so fat/skinny, or You're going to get fat/skinny.Never attribute a child's identity to their looks. You make me so mad.Calm your anger down, and then talk to your child(ren).&nbsp;Instead, say:&nbsp;We will talk about this after a while when I am in the right state of my mind. Impact of such phrases on children:<ol><li>Antisocial behaviour</li><li>Poor resilience</li><li>Depression</li><li>Aggression</li><li>Lack of empathy</li><li>Difficulty in relationships</li><li>Self-doubt</li><li>Lack of self-confidence</li><li>Anxiety</li></ol>

A few things said in haste messes up a child's brain and have a considerable impact psychologically, like low self-confidence, self-doubt, anxiety and so on

Speaking Gently: Things you should never say to your child

A few things said in haste messes up a child’s brain and have a huge impact psychologically.

Things You Should Never Say to Your Child

Are we exhibiting what we want our kids to be? Call it a harsh reality but children rarely learn from what we preach, they learn from our actions. Take this for an example, an anonymous user on the internet confessed that her child would hit her younger sibling while playing. Her explanation in defence was, “We are playing ‘mommy”. We all aspire to become perfect parents for our kids because we want to inculcate values in them that would make them better human beings. But the larger and the more significant question is do we exhibit that kind of discipline in our behaviour? We expect our children to use modern-day gadgets judiciously but do we supervise our use of these products? We want our kids to watch their words and actions when angry but do we manage our anger appropriately? We want our kids to show decorum and discipline with their daily routine but are we exhibiting ourselves as an example to do the same? Dr Haim Ginott, a renowned child psychologist, pointed out, “Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.” If we give the child an environment of hostility he is more likely to learn to fight. An environment of ridicule and shame can lead to the child resulting being shy and guilty. But similarly, if the child had always lived with tolerance, he learns to become more patient. If he has always received praise, he learns the virtue of appreciation. What is important during the child’s growing years is that we model the kind of behaviour we expect our children to be. It is impossible to not be stressed or angry under circumstances. But when the parents manage their stress and anger appropriately, the message is loud and clear to the kids that it is normal to feel negative at times but it is only the positive attitude towards solving these problems that reap good results. Parents should ‘speak’ and ‘do’ what they expect out of their children. Saying statements like. “I love all kinds of food”, “I love playing outdoors”, “Let’s clean up the mess together”, “Let’s help little brother/sister with eating the food”. These kinds of statements bring about assurance in the kids and before indulging in the wrong they are forced to do what think what they have been taught. The brains of children are like sponges. They absorb everything without discriminating information into right or wrong. Let's set ourselves as better examples for our children. Let's exhibit what we want our children to be.

Are we exhibiting what we want our kids to be? Call it a harsh reality but children rarely learn from what we preach, they learn from our actions.

Children See Children Learn - The pillar of parenting

Being a positive role model for your child can help instil the right attitude and habits from an early age for your child to nurture a healthy lifestyle.

Children See Children Learn ~The pillar of parenting

Are there any psychological effects on children watching cartoons on TV or mobile?Cartoons are the most popular entertainment for children. Earlier children would spend time outside playing with their friends, compared to now where they choose to spend time in front of the TV, watching their favourite Cartoons for hours. Ever since the emergence of the cartoon industry, it has been noted that watching cartoons can have both negative as well as positive impacts on a child's psychological growth along with their physical growth. Positive Impacts:<ol><li>Early Education: Preschoolers can get help to learn alphabets, shapes, numbers, and colours while watching TV. Undoubtedly, television can be an excellent educator and entertainer. The moving, talking pictures and colourful visuals make learning interesting and fun for kids.</li><li>Cognitive development:&nbsp;Watching TV and cartoon can help in the development of cognitive skills in kids. Skills such as logic and reasoning ability, visual and auditory processing, and sustained and selective attention of a child are developed and enhanced in kids.</li><li>Linguistic skills:&nbsp;Watching cartoons in different languages can assist children in not just learning different languages but can also help them improve their pronunciation and their manner of talking.</li><li>Creativity:&nbsp;watching cartoons enhances creative thinking in children. They may start thinking of new creative ideas like stories, characters, situations, etc on basis of cartoons they watch.</li><li>Morals and Culture:&nbsp;Mythological cartoons can introduce children to their religion and culture. Many cartoons end with good lessons of morals like kindness, caring and compassion.</li></ol> Negative Impacts:<ol><li>Violent Behavior:&nbsp;Kids who watch violent acts are more likely to show aggressive behaviour and also may fear that the world is scary and that something bad will happen to them. Also Because Cartoon characters display no more than little harm during violent scenes, children may believe that no one gets hurt or feels pain since cartoons escape unscathed after experiencing violence or an accident.</li><li>Less-empathetic behaviour:&nbsp;Few cartoons characters display a lack of empathy and rude/ disobedient behaviour towards others. Kids might mimic this behaviour and challenge their elders when they are disciplined for bad behaviour.</li><li>Rough Language:&nbsp;Few cartoon characters make use of rough language, as a result of which children begin to use foul/ rough language in their day to day life.</li><li>Anti-social behaviour:&nbsp;Several cartoons encourage antisocial behaviour and give wrong messages to kids. Cartoon characters often display risky behaviour, such as smoking and drinking, and may also reinforce gender-role and racial stereotypes. These can affect a kid's behaviour and make them believe it is normal to be aggressive, spoiled, or violent. cartoons may be the reason for many children to even become bullies in schools.</li><li>Health Issues:&nbsp;Children who consistently spend more than 4 hours a day watching TV are more likely to be overweight. They watch cartoons even when they eat because many parents believe it gets easier to feed babies watching television. Health issues arising due to sedentary lifestyle and inactivity for hours include obesity, vision problems, and nutritional deficiencies due to bad food habits.</li><li>Role models:&nbsp;From a very young age children start to mimic their role models. A role model is someone who either inspires and motivates the kids or discourages and admonish them, thereby shaping their character and personality as adults. Children often idolize their favourite cartoon character which could be Often a misleading role model that encourages the wrong habits or displays insensitive behaviour towards others. This kind of impact of cartoons on children’s psychology can often lead to devastating outcomes and result in kids being withdrawn, uncommunicative, antisocial, or unruly.</li></ol> Tips for parents: <ul><li>To make cartoons a healthy entertainment and a good and effective source of learning for kids, parents should pay more attention to providing selected cartoons to their kids that could positively influence them.</li><li>Parents must control the time children spend watching TV. They can choose appropriate cartoons for their kids. It would be better if parents also regularly watch and discuss the characters of cartoons with children. This way they will not only keep their kids away from violence but also direct them to different activities.</li><li>Lastly, it is recommended for parents to avoid placing their kids in front of screens while they’re eating.</li><li>Let's protect kids from the negative impact of Television media! Because healthy kids mean a healthy future!</li></ul>

Watching cartoons programs had a significant effect on the behaviour of children. Cartoons can have both positive and negative effects on cognitive and behavioural development.

Influence of watching cartoons on children

Watching cartoons can both negatively and positively influence children. Along with being the best educator, Watching TV can surely encourage children to become aggressive and violent. Hence, the cartoon industry is believed to influence a child's brain as well as physical development.

It's just a few days to your child's birthday and you are wondering if everything will go according to your plan or not. Well, here are a few things you can prepare beforehand so that on your child's special day you are not busy with organising and execution and are able to spend quality time with your child: <ul><li>If you're calling your child's friends over, make all the calls at least 3 days prior and take the confirmations so you can make the arrangements accordingly.</li><li>If you are planning to get food from outside, call the catering people and make appropriate arrangements for the special day.</li><li>If you are going to plan an activity for children, get all the materials for the same and keep everything in one place so that you don't have to rush around for everything on the day of celebration.</li><li>Get a house help for the whole day to help you with the arrangements prior to the celebration and also to help you tidy up the place post the celebrations.</li><li>Make your child try on the clothes and footwear before their birthday so that if any changes are to be made, they can be done within time.</li><li>Wind up all your personal/professional work one day prior to your child's birthday so that you can give your undivided attention to your child.</li></ul> If you are confused as to what you can do to make your child's birthday fulfilling, take a look at our 'Birthday Celebration Ideas' article to get some ideas.

Don't fuss about the preparations on the day of the celebration of the child's birthday, instead, see what you can manage prior to the celebration to make the day less stressful.

Preparing for your childs Birthday

Don't fuss about the preparations on the day of the celebration of your child's birthday, instead, see what all you can manage prior to the celebration to make the day less stressful.

Before guiding your child towards the spiritual path, accept it in your life first. Children can feel when parents fake something. So it is important to be completely true to what you believe in before nurturing your child’s spiritual side. Developing spirituality is a lifelong journey towards self-discovery. What is spirituality?The dictionary defines it as being concerned about the human soul and spirit as opposed to physical and material things. It does not matter in which religion you believe. It is important to believe in the energy that is greater than us. Spirituality is developing life values like gratitude, compassion, sharing, acceptance, faith, etc. Being spiritual is respecting life, respecting the rights of others, and appreciating the environment. For example, teaching ‘sharing’ to children is important; be it sharing their toys with other children or sharing their time and energy with elderly people. It is important to let our children know how these actions make other people feel good. Not to mention when we help others, we are truly helping ourselves. Spiritual kids are happier and healthier and have a better sense of values and morals.Spiritual well being leads to fewer chances of anxiety and depressive symptoms. Spiritual well being also leads to emotional well being in children. There is no particular age when you can start instilling spirituality in your children. You can teach your babies and toddlers too. At this age, they might not understand it mentally but they will feel the energies, vibrations, and love and will know that this is a state of being. Here are a few ways to nurture your child spiritually:<ol><li>Set an intention:&nbsp;First thing in the morning have everyone in your family set their intention for the day. Have your children state their intention, for example, their intention for the day could be something like: I intend to be mindful in school today, or I intend to have a happy day.&nbsp;At the end of the day, ask them if their day turned out as they intended it to. If not, ask them where it went off track and what they could have done differently.</li><li>Gratitude journal: Make it a habit that everyone in the family writes down at least one thing they are grateful for every day in the evening. It can be anything from being happy for being alive to thanking another family member for something they have done for them. Alternatively, if you as a family eat dinner together, have everyone at the dinner table state what they are grateful for.</li><li>Guided visualisation: Children are visual learners so guided visualisations or meditations work great. Guided visualisations can create healthily, thought-provoking images to transform negativity into positive affirmations. Guided visualisations provide relief from stress and anxiety, decrease panic attacks, boost self-esteem, and provides opportunities for children to connect with themselves on deeper levels. Guided visualisations are best to use before bed so as to calm your baby down and put them in the space to have good dreams.</li><li>Martial Arts:&nbsp;As odd as this sounds, martial arts actually emphasises self-control, respect, and compassion. Apart from teaching self-control and discipline, martial arts boosts self-esteem and confidence, it provides a tool to channel anger. It is also a great exercise</li><li>Yoga:&nbsp;Yoga brings about inner peace, is a good way to increase children’s awareness of their own bodies, aids their sense of balance. It also reduces stress and lowers anxiety levels in children.</li><li>Arts and Crafts:&nbsp;Arts and crafts provide children with the opportunity of being creative and use their imagination. Hence, art and craft is great way to explore spirituality. Art also helps children in expressing their deepest feelings for which they don’t have the words to say out loud. Children tell the truth through their art.</li><li>Explore nature: Exploring nature helps in self-discovery. You can teach several aspects of life using the elements of nature. For example, you can teach your children about transformation by talking about butterflies; teach them about the interconnectedness of life by talking about ecosystems while hiking in the forest; teach them about conservation by picking up trash wherever you are; take them for stargazing. There are endless ways to teach children about the universe and its place in it through the exploration of nature.</li><li>Community Service: Volunteering for a community service project can provide children with a broader understanding of how they fit in the world. It helps them develop compassion and empathy for others and find gratitude that their own circumstances are different from others.</li><li>Encourage your child to share his or her dreams with you: By showing a genuine interest in your child’s dreams, the child will learn to value them. Encouragement to share will build their self-confidence and in turn create an optimistic and cheerful approach to life. By encouraging a child to share aspirations we are ultimately supporting them in believing and achieving them.</li><li>Listen to your child with full attention and concentration: When children try to communicate but aren’t heard and honoured, they try to guard their feelings over time and keep to themselves most of the time. Take time out to sit and listen to your child’s joys, achievements, frustrations, and dreams.</li></ol>

Children can feel when parents fake something. So it is important to be completely true to what you believe in before nurturing your child’s spiritual side. 

Nurturing your child's Spirituality

Spirituality keeps one grounded and helps an individual live an emotionally and mentally content life.

Nurturing your childs Spirituality

Juhi Mishra

The school years (most importantly the preschool years) are the most important years in a child’s life. These years lay the foundation of an individual’s personality. The school years affect the learning style of an individual. It is very important for a child to be in school and around teachers who nurture the growth of the child and let the child BE. Following are the points which need to be considered while selecting a school for your child: <ol><li>Distance: The school should be close enough to the house so that the child does not have to spend more than half an hour travelling one way.</li><li>Age: The school should be following the correct age criteria for admission. Especially for preschools, the child should be 2+ for playgroup, 3+ for nursery, 4+ for Jr. KG, 5+ for Sr. KG and accordingly. By the time the child is 6+, s/he is ready to be in grade 1. It is not advisable for the parents to save 1 year while seeking admissions in the school. The child is ready to learn better if the age of the child is appropriate for that grade.</li><li>Child centric curriculum: Look for the curriculum, which should be child centric. The way the curriculum is imparted in the school. The school should be respectful towards the individuality of a child. Also, if the school works closely with the parents for the betterment of the child, it is an added advantage.</li><li>Fee and infrastructure: Though it is suggested to select a school that fits the budget, but it is also advisable to check if the fees being paid is utilised appropriately. It is better to ask these questions beforehand: If the fee is too low, are the teachers appointed not qualified enough? If the fee is too high, how is it being utilised? Is the school just focusing on building fancy infrastructure? Is the school focusing on teacher training and development programs? Is the basic infrastructure in place (toilets, learning resources, etc.)?</li><li>Teachers: The adults who would be in the child’s environment should be qualified enough to impart the knowledge.</li><li>No-judgement environment: It is better to talk with parents who are already sending their children to a particular school. This is to check if the children are judged as per the performance/ behaviour/ background of&nbsp;child. The children in their growing years do not need any kind of labels: brilliant, poor, intelligent, dumb, etc. Any label (good or bad) is not helpful in a child’ early years. One needs to be sure that children are not shouted at or physically assaulted in the school.</li><li>Safety: It is very important that the school takes care of the safety of a child. The staff should be reliable and their background has been checked, is of utmost priority. The place should be such that the opportunities to get hurt are less (though certain incidents are unavoidable). There should be CCTV cameras all around (except the toilet booths). But, it is also very important that parents are not given the access to live streaming of the cameras (as one never knows the intention with which any one may look at any child while going through the live streaming).</li><li>Interview for the child and the parents: If the school interviews the child (especially preschools) to check the level of the child or if the school interviews the parents (to see if they will be able to help the child at home), such a school should be avoided. The school should be confident enough to impart education in a way that all children are happy learning.</li><li>Cleanliness: It is very important that the environment in which the child is going to spend a lot of time is hygienic enough. The school should not be having breeding grounds for insects, dust coated furniture and fixtures, dirty toilets, smelly rooms, damaged doors and windows, etc. Cleanliness is of paramount as the place where the child is going to spend his/ her time should not affect the health of the child.</li></ol>

The school years (most importantly the preschool years) are the most important years in a child’s life. These years lay the foundation of an individual’s personality.

Preschool Selection

It is not very uncommon for mothers to feel depressed after childbirth. This is called 'Postpartum Depression' (PPD).Childbirth is often followed by a jumble of powerful emotions, from excitement and fear to anxiety and difficulty in making decisions. Most new mums experience “baby blues” which include mood swings, crying spells, anxiety, and difficulty sleeping. But some moms experience a more severe form of depression known as postpartum depression (PPD).&nbsp;While baby blues are short-term, postpartum depression can be long-lasting and can severely affect a woman’s ability to care for herself or for her family. Some of the common symptoms a woman experience during PPD may vary, and they can range from mild to severe:<ul><li>Feeling sad, empty, and hopeless</li><li>Excessive crying</li><li>Difficulty bonding with your partner or baby</li><li>Withdrawing from social life</li><li>Loss of appetite or eating too much</li><li>Not being able to take care of yourself or the baby</li><li>Inability to sleep (insomnia) or oversleeping</li><li>Having trouble concentrating or make decisions</li><li>Frequent headaches</li><li>Losing interest in activities you used to enjoy</li><li>Intense irritability and anger</li><li>Thoughts of harming your baby</li><li>Suicidal thoughts</li><li>Doubting that you're not a good mother</li><li>Feelings of guilt and worthlessness</li><li>Restlessness</li><li>Severe anxiety and panic attacks</li></ul> Reasons of PPD in women:<ul><li>physical changes of pregnancy</li><li>excessive worry about the baby and the responsibilities of being a parent</li><li>a complicated labour and childbirth</li><li>lack of family support</li><li>financial difficulties</li><li>loneliness, not having close friends and family around</li><li>a history of mental health problems</li><li>hormonal changes, due to a sudden and severe drop in oestrogen and progesterone levels following birth</li><li>changes to the sleep cycle</li></ul> Diagnosis:Your mental healthcare provider will ask you to fill up a depression-screening questionnaire to confirm whether you have depression or not. Following are a few ways which you can follow to take care of your stress and emotions:<ol><li>Work on building stronger bond between you and your partner. Understand her needs and desires and talk about your own too. Feel free to express in front of your partner or family or friends.</li><li>Develop a support team from your family. Ask for help. Say YES when they offer.</li><li>Take time for yourself. Have some “me-time” either watching TV, going for a movie or taking a short break from work and spending time doing things you like.</li><li>Talk to other families who have experienced the same.</li><li>Spend time with your baby to develop your own confidence.</li></ol> Treatment:<ul><li>Talk Therapy: PPD is a severe form of clinical depression. Your psychiatrist might suggest you to see a counsellor who will ask you questions about your life. It is important that you answer them honestly. These sessions will help you gain a different and healthier perspective about things. Therapy is different and personalised for everyone but these are a few topics which you might touch in your sessions: your feelings, your beliefs, your behaviour, your life pre and post birth. There are 2 types of talk therapy:</li></ul><ol><li>Cognitive Behavioural Therapy: You and your counselor work together to identify, then change, thoughts and behaviors that are harmful to your mental health.</li><li>Interpersonal therapy: Your therapist helps you better understand how you behave in your relationships and how to work through any problems.</li></ol> <ul><li>Medicine: Antidepressants are drugs designed to treat depression, including postpartum depression. They work on different chemicals in your brain.</li><li>Self-care: Get more sleep and exercise, eat healthy foods, do fun activities and relax. Doing these things can help to boost your mood.</li></ul>

A parent's mental health is of the top most priority when it comes to parenting. A healthy mental space leads to a happy and healthy bond between a parent and a child.

Postpartum Depression in Mothers

Enrolling a toddler in such a structured activity is completely a parent’s decision. The decision needs to be an informed one. 

Should I enroll my 18 months old, in mother toddler program?

Enrolling a toddler in such a structured activity is completely a parent’s decision. The decision needs to be an informed one. Generally, such sessions are structured and at a particular time, enrolling in such a program means aligning it with your toddler’s waking and mealtimes. The decision-making involves awareness about the routine of the child and self. There are many activities that parents can do at home with their children in their comfort zone, if the parents can manage such time at home, nothing is better than that.

mother

father

when can i send my child for mother toddler program

when can i send my child for mother toddler program

Preschool Selection

Postpartum Depression in Mothers

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