Mustafa Lokhandwala

Uninvolved parents expect children to raise themselves. They don't devote much time or energy into meeting children's basic needs. These parents may be neglectful but it's not always intentional. A parent with mental health issues or substance abuse problems, for example, may not be able to care for a child's physical or emotional needs consistently. These children receive little guidance, discipline, and nurturing from their parents. And oftentimes kids are left to raise themselves and make decisions — big and small — on their own. Many parents can identify with being stressed, overworked, and tired. You know what we mean: when things get out of control, you might brush off your child for a few minutes of quiet and lonely. Characteristics Uninvolved or neglectful parenting is a considerably new parenting style that does away with hand-holding and guiding the children. It lets them learn by themselves.To better understand what uninvolved parenting consists of, it can be helpful to look at some of the key characteristics of this parenting style. <ol><li>Emotional Detachment –&nbsp;Such parents think that their duty is limited to providing food and shelter, and no other needs such as connecting with their children emotionally. They do not feel the need to ask their kids about their daily activities, or even take care of them when the children feel emotionally down. They avoid any conflicts.</li><li>Too Occupied in Their Own Life -&nbsp;Uninvolved parents feel the pressure of the world and are generally busy with their issues. They may be too occupied in solving their problems and concerned about their lives that they may have the least interest in their child’s life.</li><li>Inappropriate Supervision -&nbsp;Sometimes parents may adopt either of the extreme approaches: they may either be too lenient towards their kid and may not know what he may be doing, or they may be too strict that they may restrict their kid’s social involvement.</li><li>Fewer Feelings –&nbsp;Parent Show little warmth, love, and affection towards their children. Such parents may not express their love towards their kids by hugging, kissing or by any other ways. They may have an indifferent attitude towards their child.</li><li>Less Involvement in child activities -&nbsp;Because of a lack of affection, uninvolved parents aren’t interested in their child’s schoolwork, activities, or events. They might skip their sports games or fail to show up for school meetings.</li><li>Abuse and Drug addicted -&nbsp;If parents are addicted to alcohol, drugs or other abusive substances then they fail in their responsibilities. Parents with substance abuse affect a child’s growth as they do not involve themselves with their children. In some cases, if parents lose their jobs, and come under financial constraints, then kids may have to drop out of school, or lack nutrition, among other things.</li></ol> &nbsp;Effects on Children Uninvolved parenting style may affect a child in more than one way, and some of the effects of neglectful parenting on a child may include the following:<ul><li>A child&nbsp;may feel lost and directionless.</li><li>The child may&nbsp;struggle to find his identity&nbsp;and may often be&nbsp;too timid.</li><li>Increased risk of&nbsp;substance abuse.</li><li>Lack of affection and attention can lead to&nbsp;low self-esteem.</li><li>Have difficulty in social gathering due to&nbsp;lack of social skills.</li><li>More likely to have symptoms of&nbsp;depression.</li><li>Poor academic performance due to&nbsp;mental tolerance.</li></ul> Pros of Uninvolved Parenting Uninvolved parents typically lack a discipline style. So, unless a child's behaviour affects them, these parents don't usually offer any type of correction. They allow the child to act how they want. And these parents don't get upset when their child performs poorly in school or with other activities. Cons of Uninvolved ParentingGiving excessive leniency may have significant negative consequences. Let’s see what the drawbacks of uninvolved parenting are: Lack of Confidence -&nbsp;Parents gives children the confidence to face the challenges. Unfortunately, children raised through uninvolved parenting lack this confidence and bravery. They usually have low self-esteem and are consequently uncertain about their own ability to face and deal with different situations. The absence of parental support and love also makes them feel insecure, thus making them worried over the smallest of things.Low self-esteem-&nbsp;One major disadvantage of uninvolved parenting is that these children don’t develop an emotional connection with their uninvolved parent. A lack of affection and attention at a young age can lead to low self-esteem or emotional neediness in other relationships.Mentally Stressed -&nbsp;In the absence of love and nurturing from the parent, these children may not learn the value of time. They might spend too much time watching television or playing online games.Social Skills -&nbsp;Children of uninvolved parents may have difficulties with social interactions outside the home because parents rarely communicate or engage their children.Emotional imbalance -&nbsp;Children who do not have limits set on their behaviour can have difficulty regulating their emotions, especially when their needs are not met.

Uninvolved parents tend to have little knowledge of what their children are doing. There tend to be few rules. Children may not receive much guidance, nurturing, and parental attention.

Uninvolved Parenting

Palak Vyas

As a parent you can follow following steps to successfully wean off your child of pacifiers: <ul><li>Step 1: Start by not having a pacifier handy throughout the day when they want one, it could be a little hard in the beginning but continue your efforts. Let others in the house as well as caregivers know that you are trying to wean off your child of pacifiers so they can support you.</li></ul> <ul><li>Step 2: Offer a comforting substitute such as a special toy, stuffed animal or blanket. At bed time, begin emphasising the need for the substituted object over the pacifier. For example: Where is your Bunny? Let’s get him to sleep with us.</li></ul> <ul><li>Step 3: Once they have successfully reduced the use of pacifier, introduce the idea to your child that now they are a big boy/girl. They don’t need a pacifier anymore and let’s give them to someone who needs- some little baby around or say some squirrel or birdie.</li></ul> <ul><li>Step 4: Use positive reinforcement, that is, by praising your child when he / she has successfully gone without pacifier.</li></ul> FUN FACT: Sucking is an instinct and sometimes occurs even before birth.

Pacifiers and milk bottles if not weaned off at the right age, can last up to many years.

Weaning off pacifiers and milk bottles

What works best in the cases of addiction is that a similar kind of less harmful or useful thing should be replaced in place of the previous addiction. For example, if a child is addicted to sugar, you can provide him/her with raisins or dates in place of sugar. <ul><li>When you see your child is obsessed with a fictional character like spider-man or superman, try showing him/her the positive and humanly traits of the character.</li><li>Try and incorporate or relate those with your daily incidences.</li><li>Give them more humanly touch.</li><li>Eventually, you can identify a similar character from your family and relate their human traits with that of the fictional character your child is obsessed with. For example, you can relate your child’s father with Superman, tell them, “The way Superman saves the world and fights evil, your father does the same. He built us this house, he works and earns, takes care of us when we are sick so basically he also protects us”.</li><li>Give them the idea that these are imaginary or fictional characters inspired by real-life, science and technology.</li><li>It is okay for a child to be attracted to superheroes as long as (s)he is learning something good from them. This is where they enjoy their little innocent world of imagination. Let them feel happy and enjoy their world of superheroes and other characters. Eventually, when they grow up, they will come to know the difference between real and imaginary.</li><li>These characters are made in such a way that not only children but young and old everyone is inclined towards them.</li><li>All you have to see that their addiction does not come in their way of studies or their growth.</li><li>If you feel that because of this (s)he keeps getting distracted, explain to them that there is a time and place for everything. One cannot talk about the same thing all day long. There are several more things to explore so take them for visits at the zoo or a museum to keep them away from the imaginative world for a while.</li></ul>

Addiction/obsession is not something which can be immediately worked upon.

Dealing with fictional character addiction in children

Samiksha Choithani

Stammering or stuttering is common among children who are learning to speak or form sentences. It usually stays up to 3 years of age. It rarely persists till adulthood. Sometimes, stammering only persists while speaking in front of a group or talking to strangers or talking on the telephone, but singing or reading can reduce stuttering. Stress can sometimes make it worse. These are some tips for parents to help a stammering child:<ul><li>Try to speak slowly, encourage people around the child to also do the same.</li><li>Maintain calm and quiet atmosphere at home.</li><li>Never show impatience or irritation when the child is speaking to you, try to pay attention on what the child is saying.</li><li>Try to avoid interruption and questions when the child is speaking.</li><li>Make sure you spend some alone time with your child every day, try to have one-to-one discussion with a proper eye contact.</li></ul> If your child’s stammering habit stays for more than 6 months, it is time to take action and meet the speech therapist immediately as it may last longer. Parents can have a huge impact on curing the stammering problem with speech among children. The child can feel comfortable and recover it easily if he/she is heard, parents can patiently help the child.

The problem of stammering bothers parents a lot. The problem of stammering can be improved upon by following a few tips.

Treating a stammering child

The simple techniques you can use to increase your child’s memory power:<ul><li>Enhancing understanding by asking questions: understanding is the foundation of memory. Explain your child the basic concepts and once you have done that, ask them maximum questions. Yes or No questions, “wh” type questions.</li><li>Make rhymes and songs: Ask your child to do it, you can help if they are stuck somewhere. When they make their own songs they remember it for a long time.</li><li>Make it exciting: You can always take them to places as per the topics they are studying. Going to libraries, museums, forts, temples, art galleries etc. This would be a lot more fun and child will be able to relate it with his studies and it gets easier to remember.</li><li>More discussions: Have more discussions about the topics, ask their opinions and views and tell them to explain.</li><li>Using visual aids: Use flashcards for definition, charts for tables and little story drawings to explain the environmental phenomenon.</li><li>Let them make his own example: when the child relates the topic with his/her personal experience, it is easy for them to relate and recall.</li><li>Reading it aloud: Yes! The age-old technique is still useful.</li><li>Breaking into smaller chunks: Whatever the topic is, break it into different points and then try and help them relate and memorise easily.</li><li>Draw mind maps; be creative.</li><li>The another thing you can include is practising mindfulness, that is a little 5 minutes meditation along with a little piece of music.</li><li>Dark chocolate with more than 70 % cocoa is also known to boost memory.</li></ul>

Memory power is a big part of academics. A few interesting activities will help your child in boosting his/her memory.

Boosting memory for academics

Sleep talking is common among children. Sleep talking can be due to:<ul><li>Uneven sleep cycle</li><li>Excitement</li><li>Worry</li><li>Guilt</li><li>Physical illness</li><li>Hereditary</li></ul> Sleep talking among children is not a major cause of concern, however it is important to treat it. Here is how you can reduce or eliminate it:<ul><li>Make bed time free from stress, talk to your child about things that are affecting their behaviour. Communication can help them relieve stress and sleep without worries.</li><li>Regular exercises can also help the child sleep well without disruptions.</li><li>No sugar or caffeine at night.</li><li>Maintain a healthy sleep cycle.</li><li>Don’t wake your child while he/she is sleep talking. They will follow instructions while sleeping and you can calm them gently and guide them to go back to sleep. Waking them will make it harder to go back to sleep.</li></ul>

Sleep talking is common among children. It is not as serious as sleep walking habit and it can be resolved easily.

Resolving sleep talking problems

Digital addiction is an impulse control disorder which involves obsessive use of devices/screens despite the negative effects on the user. Children, especially between the age of 2 to 10 years of age, do not know that excessive screen time has negative effects on them. Hence, we cannot claim that our children have digital addiction. Addiction, in general, is when an individual knows that something has a negative impact on them and yet they cannot stop themselves from doing/using that particular thing. Kids use screens for entertainment. When they look at a screen, a hormone called "dopamine" is released in their body. Dopamine is also called as a "feel good" hormone. Not going very deep into scientific know-hows, long story short, if we can replace our kids' screen time which excites them and keeps them occupied or entertained equally as screens do, we can effectively reduce the screen time in our children. How much screen time is OK for a child?<ul><li>According to World Health Organisation (WHO), children below 18 months should not be exposed to any kind of screens (TV/mobile/tablet/laptop) at all except taking to parents/grandparents over a video call.</li><li>Children between the age of 18 to 24 months can enjoy screen time only when accompanied by a parent or a caregiver. This screen time should be quality screen time and should be limited to no more than 20-30 minutes in a day.</li><li>Children between 2 to 5 years should be limited to 1 hour of screen time in a day. This screen time should be monitored by a parent or a caregiver.</li></ul> Identify in which situation is your child exposed to screens? Following are the scenarios in which children turn to screens:<ol><li>While eating</li><li>Outdoors, for example - at restaurants</li><li>During social gathering or when guests are home</li><li>Before sleep</li><li>When parent is busy in work</li><li>Grandparent hands it over</li></ol> Tackling the above scenarios: While eating:<ul><li>Gradually decrease the frequency of using screens. If you suddenly take away their phones, the child might throw many tantrums.</li><li>No family member should watch TV/mobile/laptop while eating</li><li>Replace screens with big picture books, preferably of food. This will develop their interest in the kind of food they are eating.</li><li>Tell them a story.</li><li>Have a meal talk - talk to them about the food that is in their plate, food smell, food colour, and food taste.</li><li>Appreciate them at the food table when they finish the food in their plate or try out a new vegetable/dish for the first time.</li><li>Bring no negative vibes at the food table.</li><li>Make sure, the entire family eats together. This way you can talk among each other and the child would not find the need to look at a screen.</li></ul> After 2 and half years age, children should eat in their own plate with the entire family. When you are eating with your child, do not use screens. If you do, then please acknowledge and apologise for the same. Outdoors, for example - at restaurants:<ul><li>Carry cube or any favourite toy</li><li>Involve in talk &amp; meaning full conversation</li><li>Mental preparation &amp; clear communication</li><li>Scribbling &amp; take along water book with paint brush</li><li>Feel the menu card</li><li>Feel of ambience</li></ul> During social gathering or when guests are home:<ul><li>Send them for outdoor play.</li><li>Accompany with grand-parents.</li><li>Clear communication &amp; expected behaviour talk.</li><li>Activities (Worksheet) appreciate for good behaviour.</li></ul> Before sleep:<ul><li>Replace the screen with:</li><li>Bed time stories</li><li>Recite verses, play soft music, meditate, or sing them a lullaby</li><li>Sleep talk regime - Decide</li><li>Sharing time</li></ul> When parent is busy in work:<ul><li>Involve child in household activities like taking out peas from pea pods, setting the table up for meals, cleaning their room, watering the plants. These activities will keep them away from phones and also instil motor skills, emotional skills in your child.</li><li>Call your child's friends to play at home.</li></ul> Grandparents hand it over:<ul><li>Both the parents should together talk to the grandparents to set family rules regarding the use of TV/phones/laptops.</li><li>Discuss limits and boundaries as a family which are applicable to everyone in the house. Decide how much time is it acceptable to use screens when at home.</li><li>No screens on dining table or before sleeping.</li></ul> Effects of excessive screen time on children:<ul><li>Obesity</li><li>Irregular sleep schedules and shorter duration of sleep</li><li>Behavioural problems</li><li>Loss of social skills</li><li>Violence</li><li>Less time for play</li></ul> How can we reduce our dependence on electronic babysitters and find a balance between sanity and screen time? Here are few tips for you to try at your home: Set Strict Time Limits: When you introduce the privilege of screen time, set strict time limits – and stick to them. Parents become addicted to the easy tech breaks just as much as kids get addicted to the entertainment, so this is a challenge for both of you. Embrace Boredom: Remember that boredom is not a disease that needs to be cured. Boredom is actually healthy, and kids need to experience it as part of their normal developmental process to learn how to fill and manage their time efficiently. Boredom also fosters creativity and imagination. Encourage Time Outside: Nothing sparks a child’s imagination like time outdoors. Take your child to the park and watch them play in the sand and on rides for hours. Walk in the woods and let them discover how sticks and rocks make better toys than screens. Send them out into the backyard and see how they entertain themselves with simple pretend play. Screen time won’t even cross your kids’ minds when they are outside enjoying themselves. Insist On Daily Quiet Time: You do need your sanity, and it is possible to get it without using electronics. Insist that your children have a daily “quiet time” for 1.5 to 2 hours each day. If they are past the age of napping, suggest that they look at books in their room or play quietly and independently with toys. While it might not feel blissful the first day you institute your new quiet time policy, if you are firm with your expectations your kids will catch on quickly. This will then become a time that they look forward to every day. Explore Audiobooks: You do not have to completely give up electronics when you give up screens. Audiobooks are great – especially for children who can’t read well on their own yet – and allow children’s imaginations to run wild while keeping them entertained. Following little pointers will also go a long way:<ul><li>Use parental controls to block or filter internet content.</li><li>When watching programming with your child, discuss what you're watching and educate him or her about advertising and commercials.</li><li>Create tech-free zones or times, such as during mealtime or one night a week.</li><li>Discourage use of media entertainment during homework.</li><li>Keep screens out of your child's bedroom.</li><li>Limit your own screen time.</li><li>Eliminate background TV.</li></ul> Remember, the goal is not just to take away the screens from children but also replacing screens with something which helps them develop their intellectual, social, behavioural, emotional, and motor skills.

In today's era, almost all parents face the problem of "Digital Addiction" in children. One question to ponder upon though is, "Who introduced them to screens and why?" While you figure out the answer to this question, let's have a look at what digital addiction is.

All about Digital Addiction

Intolerance means the child is not able to share his/her space and get comfortable with other kids. You can try the following to improve the situation:<ul><li>Tell your child that you love them and just like you care for them, others will care for them too if they allow others in their space.</li><li>Keep a track of whether your child is being rude or abusive when their friends visit him/her or whether your child just walks away when friends visit. If your child is being rude or abusive, it is not acceptable. Tell them that being rude will have consequences.</li><li>But if they are just walking away, make your child greet and talk to their friend(s) and then walk away politely rather than walking away in an aggressive manner.</li><li>Intolerance may have psychological reasons as well. It may be because your child has trust issues due to a past experience or something else.</li><li>Observe their behaviour with everyone. Are they being intolerant of everyone or just of a single person? If it is everyone, you should get a clinical psychologist's help to tackle this behaviour. If it is just one person, the child might have had some bitter experience(s) with that particular person. Talk to your child to know the reason. If they don't give in, a psychologist can help you and your child.</li><li>The reason behind intolerance needs to be figured out at the earliest and a psychologist might be able to help you and your child in this matter.</li></ul>

Intolerance is not the same as possessiveness. It might have underlying reasons.

Child does not tolerate others

About 30-60% of elementary school students bite their nails at some point. Although it is an annoying habit, nail-biting in kids doesn’t mean any serious health issue.<ul><li>Kids bite their nails due to various reasons such as curiosity, to pass the time, to relieve stress and anxiety, habit or imitation.</li><li>The most common reason for child biting nails is to relieve anxiety and stress. They may also shake legs or even rub ears to relieve from anxiety and stress. All children get anxious which triggers this habit. Joining a new school, pressure to perform well in class or feeling shy at a social function are common triggers. In such cases, there’s nothing to worry about. You just need to find a good time and discuss the things (s)he may be tensed about.</li><li>In rare cases, severe nail-biting can be a sign of excessive anxiety. Consult your child's health professional if nail-biting is severe, long term, surfaced suddenly and co-occurs with other worrisome behaviours like picking at his/her skin, pulling his hair or if (s)he's not sleeping well.</li><li>Sometimes when the child is pampered a lot at home and if that child has to go out to some friends’ or relatives’ or anywhere alone or when they don't find their parents around, they start biting nails to distract self.</li></ul> Ways to combat child's nail biting habit:<ul><li>Cut your child's nails regularly.</li><li>If your child is old enough, give them finger foods.</li><li>Engage them in an activity or give them a toy which will keep their fingers busy and hence distract your child from biting the nails.</li><li>Develop a code word or a subtle sign between you and your child. Whenever you notice your child nibbling on his/her nails, you can say the code-word or gesture your sign without letting anyone else know about it. This will keep your child alert to not bite the nails.</li><li>You can try applying bite averting nail paints on your child's nails. But keep in mind, that sometimes such nail paints can be irritating for your child so consult your child's doctor before using such a chemical.</li><li>Explain the health consequences of biting nails to your child. Unhealthy nails can lead to upset stomach as well.</li><li>As a parent, you can build your child’s confidence. The child can be gradually taught to be self confident and they should be allowed to go and meet new friends, family members on whom the child has trust. This will boost the child's self confidence and if the situation is due to this nature of the child, the habit can be get ridden off.</li></ul>

Nail biting is common not only in children but also in adults. It is important to understand the underlying reasons behind this habit.

writing parenting concerns

Parenting issues are a part of the everyday parenting journey. Following article(s) might help you with your concern(s).